To think there are people who are thoughtful about other people and people that only serve themselves and that’s completely fine if you know which one you are, but are you sure?

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i work in a small organisation where people are in lots of different cliques and I am new and often on the outside of them. I constantly see people behaving in a completely thoughtless way towards each other and wonder whether people know if they are doing it or completely oblivious. I’m sure I don’t get it right all the time but I think I’m pretty good overall and I constantly see college is doing things that really upset others and wonder why they can’t see that they are doing something which is upsetting someone elese

I guess there are people at each end of this spectrum but I think most people are somewhere in between. The best place to be, IMO, is considerate towards others while not being a pushover.

Your workplace dynamics do sound difficult. I wouldn’t give too much headspace to the philosophical aspects. Do your job well, stay true to yourself, let other people do what they will but don’t let them push you around, try and make individual allies rather than slot into existing cliques, make sure you have a rich life and allies outside work.

I think you’re trying to put people in very rigid, defined boxes, and people don’t work like that. You might have a colleague you view as selfish and uncaring, who would walk over hot coals for their friends and family. Another colleague might come over as being a wonderful person to anyone who doesn’t know them that well, but then goes home and abuses their spouse. People come in shades of grey.

I agree completely with this.

Your post is also really vague. What are the examples of thoughtlessness?

I try think most people are a mix and tend to be more thoughtful towards people they like.

Agree with PP. You've got your base level morals which vary and then you've got people you care more about than others. I think it's more complex than there being 2 types of people.

This.

I will put myself out more for people I'm close to or people I like but I won't put myself out for anyone to the detriment of myself.

And I'm quite comfortable with that.

You see things that others are doing that you judge to be thoughtless, but maybe those people closer to the action than you don't see it that way.

Difficult to generalise.

It sounds like you see yourself as the key identifier of thoughtful people and selfish people, which in itself is a selfish lens through which to view the world.