He called me flabby

[FabbyFlabby]

My boyfriend was complaining tonight that he has gained weight. He put my hand onto his stomach and made me feel it. I said his stomach was fine - that it was hard.

I said it’s not like mine, which is soft and he then said ‘yes, your stomach is flabby’

ive recently lost two stone and was just starting to feel more positive about my body and now I feel really sad and disgusting.

He says that to him ‘flabby just means it’s loose as opposed to tight/solid’ and he doesn’t think he’s said anything wrong.

AIBU to think you don’t just say something like this or am I overreacting?

He might have thought without speaking; he might genuinely not understand the connotations of the word (seems highly unlikely); or he might be being intentionally nasty.

Whichever of the above, if he doesn’t care that what he’s said has upset you and defends it, then he is deeply unpleasant.

Is it a one off, or does he often say cruel thing/put you down, and then deny he’s at fault? That’s very gaslighty behaviour.

He knew exactly what he was doing. Pulling YOU down to ease his own insecurities. What a twat. The fact he doubled down and didn’t even apologise makes it a whole lot worse.

He might be feeling insecure because he's put weight on and you've lost weight.

If his way of dealing with insecurity is putting you down then you have a problem, OP.

It's not impossible that he did think 'flabby' just meant soft or squishy as that is part of its meaning. His defensive response isn't great, however.

Has he reassured you that your body is beautiful to him? This is the key.

It could have been an innocent comment. But he should have apologised once he saw it upset you.

He’s gaslighting you or is he socially awkward? Any man knows calling your female partners stomach flabby is likely to be offensive. It has clearly negative connotations . And even if he didn’t - and I struggle to believe that - once you’d expressed how you feel he should just have apologised and reassured you.

I had an ex who pulled a stunt like this, it was a new relationship and when I started staying over he asked why I wore a t-shirt bra in bed as he wasn’t aware women did that. I explained as someone who didn’t have small or perky boobs I found it comfortable sometimes.

He chuckled and said “yeah small and perky isn’t how I’d describe your boobs” yeah I know they’re not which I’d clearly said , but he didn’t need to echo it like that! I ditched him a few weeks later anyway lol

He's horrible. Bringing you down on purpose. Everyone knows what flabby means. Don't let him gaslight you. You know it was an insult. Also sounds immature to have even thought of saying that.

Haha, not heard that word for years! It is a describing word though. Not nice to hear though!