To think girls can be so cruel

[lightbulbnotnow]

Name change as I've spoken to a few friends etc about this

My eldest is in year 7 - 12 years.
She made what I though was a lovely group of friends when she went to the local secondary school. I was very anxious as she went from a village school of 12 in her year to now around 380 per year!!

She settled well though but had some trouble with 1 girl around winter time - that's all sorted now and teachers kept saying it wasn't my child but the other who kept picking on her and getting some girls from older years to crowd round her and intimidate etc.

Recently one of her closest friends have turned on her (think because mine got invited to a birthday this child couldn't go to - will call her Mary for now.
Since then mary has been horrible - swearing at her, trying to trip her up whenever she sees her, when on group video calls says nasty things to her (my daughter just leaves the call) but she's saying nasty things to all her friends. Not sure if they are scared of Mary or whatever but they've now all turned against my daughter , even her best friend who comes round regularly. Daughter over heard her best friend say to Mary she only hangs out with her when she can be bothered but will ignore her if she can!

My daughter is so upset and this morning when I dropped her off to her friends they all ran off (whilst I was there) and didn't speak to her on the walk to school.
She desperately wants to be friends and is worried about being. Loner. She doesn't know what to do or what she's done wrong and my heart is absolutely breaking for her. Sat here in tears with no idea what to do. No point going to school as they don't do anything for bullying. (Literally nothing)
I know Mary's mum as used to work with her but my daughter doesn't want me saying anything in case it makes it worse.
She's so upset as she says she now has no other friends and most are in her class etc.

Aibu to think girls can be so cruel and horrible and have no idea how their behaviour effects others mental health?
Like children can't get away from bullies anymore - doesn't stop at school and can't ban her from her phone as that's unfair!
My daughter is so bright and it's all going down hill. She doesn't want to move schools either.

Please help!

Yep, girls can be absolutely disgusting to each other. My daughter was also picked on at the start of secondary school for absolutely no reason other than the other girl was a jealous little mare (she is the same age as your DD). She had loads of issues with other girls during primary too.

I have always told her to be nice to everyone and try not to concentrate on a small group, that way when they fall out, like they always do, she has someone else to hang around with. It worked pretty well.

Most of her friends now are boys, she says they are less drama!

Girls can be so cruel when in groups like this

Sounds like they are scared of Mary

But there's options

She stands up for herself and speaks up on the phone call something like "Mary who cares" or "Mary enough is enough" or "Mary why you so obsessed with me" or "Mary I thought we were friends" or "Mary why are you so upset with me there's just no need for this" or "Mary bullying isn't cool" you get my drift

You speak to the school and get her moved classes

You encourage to join a school club/team and make new friends

You move her school

You speak to the mum and say to please keep it between you two and not let Mary know you've spoken to her mum as don't want "Mary" to feel that's she's been talked about just like you don't want your daughter to know that's you've spoken to her mum- just make sure your cool calm and collected when you speak to the mum and not accusing this "Mary" more like I think some things have been misinterpreted or something. But obviously if it continues after that then no more Mrs nice woman!