To be upset with friends

[pussinboots61]

I feel really fed up of friends criticising my lifestyle. I suffer with depression and anxiety and can do without being criticised and judged all the time.
I have been on leave from work this week. A friend of mine last week said it was going to rain so I said I hoped not with me being on leave. Her response was ‘Does it matter, you never go away and you won’t get wet in a coffee shop anyway.’ This by the way wasn’t said in jest as she often makes remarks about me liking to meet friends for a coffee and a chat and I don’t go away much like she does but that’s my choice.

I met another friend the other day and was telling her what my first friend had said, hoping for some advice and she just said ‘Can’t you see what she’s getting at, she’s saying you don’t have much of a life’, so she was more or less agreeing with her.

I don’t want to fall out with these friends but I feel I need to say something. Am I taking it too much to heart?

Keep to the people you meet for coffee and a chat and whose company you enjoy. Your life, your choice. Not everyone wants to be rushing hither and thither. Enjoy your peaceful life.

'Say done thing'?

Well what would you say?

What's the point? They are making observations

*something

It‘s not really a putdown or very rude so i think you should maybe just tell them that you like sunshine better than rain even when you‘re just looking out of the window instead of being offended🤷‍♀️

Keep an eye on this. It may be nothing but it could be they don’t respect you that much.

I am a bit of a jokey type so I used to let a lot of these kind of subtle digs slide but then it escalated into full on negging and criticising things about me eg. My weight gain or the fact I liked to stay in and read

I had a clear out of my friends in my early 30s and redrew some boundaries. A few years on and I’m much happier with my friendship circle.

Edit to add : I disagree with those saying it’s not rude though. I stay in a lot and WFH it’s still nice to have the sun shining and know if I decide to pop out somewhere even for a walk to the coffee shop I’m not going to get rained on.

When you’re struggling with low mood sometimes you just want to see a blue sky. And if you said you wanted nice weather who is she to say it doesn’t matter to you ? If it didn’t matter to you, you wouldn’t have said you hoped for nice weather!

And the fact that it’s part of a pattern with these friends frequently commenting on your lack of going out etc is a bit off.

I stay in a lot. My friends rarely comment on it. Why would they?

I’d be quite direct with them next time. Make it clear you don’t want them talking about your living habits like this and if they resist and continue to push your boundaries just step back.

I wouldn’t have seen the first comment as a criticism in any way, just a statement that bad weather isn’t going to discommode you a great deal the way it would if you were going mountain climbing.

I feel really fed up of friends criticising my lifestyle.

Do you frequently use them as your emotional sounding board? Do you expect them to serve as your personal therapist but get upset when they give their opinions?

I've suffered with depression and I'm left with anxiety so I understand how tough it can be to get out of bed let alone go out.

Your friends really need to be more understanding and less passive aggressive there was no need for her to make that comment, and I'm sorry but she doesn't sound like a good friend from what I'm reading. Or the other who seems to be in agreement.

If it hurts it hurts whether you're 'sensitive' or not I would of felt the same.

You go to as many coffee shops as you like, you're getting out that's main thing, she probably does things you wouldn't want to do so what's her problem lol.

Thanks for your replies. I do go out, every day and that's also their issue. Why can't I stay in my flat? I can't win whatever I do.

I feel it was a criticism rather than an observation because of the way it was said and it's not the first time they've said it, they are always having digs about it.

I can take a joke as much as anyone and if I saw this as a joke I would honestly be laughing. An observation too is said in a different way and not in a sarcastic manner.

I said YABU as it sounded like they might be concerned and doing what only a proper friend will stick their neck out to do – offering a bit of tough love.

However going by your update it sounds like they might be just picking / sniping

And I mean, what’s wrong with meeting friends in a coffee shop?! Sound’s nice!