How can I feel less shit about my house?

[faceoff2000]

All my friends clearly have more money than we do, they live in much nicer and bigger houses. That's life and we're all great friends and they never make us feel like we're not as good as them. Now my children are at school and are making friends it's another group of people in their 5/6 bedroom houses, 2/3 cars etc. etc. I know this is 100% a me issue and not their fault they've worked hard/been lucky in life.
How can I adjust my thinking and stop feeling so inferior?

I live in a two up, two down. Anyone looking down on me for that reason isn't the sort of person whose opinions matter to me.

Because real friends do not give a shit where you live, and anyone who does is surely not someone you want to be friends with.

I live in a 2 bed council flat. I've never felt inferior, because I don't think having money makes you a better person.

You make your home and garden lovely and inviting. Turn it into your sanctuary.

I've gone full-on maximalist since Covid and WFH!! As I'm at home most of the time, I want it to be lovely. So I've added throws, cushions, footstools, side-tables, loads of mirrors, lamps and decor pieces. Small touches like buying cheap chair covers in my decor main colour and putting them on my dining chairs transformed the look! Painted all my doors so they are nice and fresh - paint is always a relatively cheap way to change the look. Tarted up the front door by changing the letter box and door handle from brass (I hated it!) to chrome, and added a decorative door knocker, plus tall planters either side.

I've done all of that over the space of a few years, picking up pieces as and when I've seen them.

It doesn't have to be big to be beautiful. I don't care about people's houses (unless they are actually rank! and I don't know anyone in that category!). I care about the people who live there x

I hate visiting expensive and immaculate houses, I'm always afraid my children are going to trash them. Not because they're particularly badly behaved, but because they're young children and exuberant. My heart sinks when we turn up at an immaculate house with loads of art on the walls, and there is one toybox full of 'worthy' toys, alongside an antique rocking horse and dolls' house. I always think 'this is going to be a very long couple of hours'.

I would quite like to live in a house like this though, but I'd need to rehome my kids first.

I’m nearly 60, have and had a lot of people in my life, all walks of life, none of them had 5/6 bedroom houses (not even the ones I nannied for). It’s unusual.

Maybe sell and downsize and invest the lump sum? Whilst it's good to have a pension, it's not a be all and end all.

I don't know but when you find out, let me know please.

I live in a nice house in a nice area but it's never clean, someone gets dirt all over the walls and it's just dark. DH is one of those men that would live with a mattress on the floor and think it's heaven. Pisses me off.

Sometimes I feel a bit like this - DH and I are high earners but live in a city of high earners (west coast tech city in the US). There are no houses in our neighborhood selling for less than 1mil. We've made really deliberate choices though so keep our fixed expenses low by having a house much cheaper than we could afford, 1 older car bought outright etc. We have a lot of savings and put 20%+ into pensions each month. We've also both chosen to stay in jobs with fairly middling pay for the industries because we have an enormous amount of flexibility and a very light workload. For us it's really about prioritizing what's important - a great school for our kiddo (in our case this means private), holidays and time with our family by having less stressful jobs.

I do look at some friends who earn more than us but also spend WAY more than us and feel envious of their nicer houses. But I also wonder whether they'll look back on their kids being in childcare every day from 7:30-530, working on holiday etc and regret it.

When I do feel envious I try to focus on the fact that we've made really deliberate choices AND that every time I've had the opportunity to make a different choice, ie save less, take a more stressful job, it just doesn't add up for me with what I want in my life.

You never know what goes on in people's lives. They may be sitting in their big houses just pining after a happy family. Some people have it easier yes, but things change and you just never know.

Trust me, you won't be saying that when you get to pension age!

Oh I already have that worked out ;)

Good for you! 😄

Really helpful thank you for your input 😂

I have a tiny house (albeit on the most sought after estate in my area). As much as I could dwell on it being like a rabbit hutch (the garden is even bigger than the house🤣)I just think, I’m actually very licky that I’m not having to fork out £900 rent or mortgage & at least we have a roof over our head & can enjoy life. ALL my friends have bigger houses! At least I never have to host!🤣

You don't have >3 bedrooms to clean. Also, the newbuilds that I've seen with loads of bedrooms (and even the ones with 2 bedrooms) are absolutely tiny. I'd rather have fewer but better sized rooms in an older post war council house.

I am willing to bet my home that the vast, vast majority of people in the UK absolutely do not live in a 6 bedroom house or own 3 cars.
Why would you care? I genuinely don't get it. Save your energy for something worthwhile. Without wishing to sound mean, if you have a warm, safe home, a loving family and your health, you have won the life lottery.

I only know one person with a 5 bed house and they retired to live in Cumbria when they bought it.

We live in a small 3 bed semi. It's clean and cosy. Because we didn't overstretch ourselves, our mortgage is paid and we are in our early 40's. I tend to spend money on good quality bedding, towels, curtains, reed diffusers and candles. I always have fresh flowers too. Like others have said, many of these people with large homes and several cars will have massive mortgages and debts.

How many meals can you eat, how many rooms can you sit in at once? If you have a cosy home, a roof over your head, love and your health you’re the richest person in the room.

I love my little house and I love these song lyrics from Doug Stone:

"But you know, love grows best in little houses,
With fewer walls to separate,
Where you eat and sleep so close together.
You can't help but communicate,
Oh, and if we had more room between us, think of all we'd miss.
Love grows best, in houses just like this."

No problem. I'm here all day long.

Hi OP. When I’ve travelled in other European countries and met friends from there, I’ve realised how common it is for even families to live in small flats over there. It feels like a bubble over here of huge houses for even small families. Your small house would probably seem huge to many from other countries, especially if you have a garden.
it all depends what you’re comparing against.

I hate it when people say those in large houses 'are up to their eyeballs in debt' as a way to make themselves feel better.
Perhaps they received a large inheritance, perhaps they have worked every hour god sends in a well paid job, perhaps they have family money and had been gifted a huge deposit. A big house doesn't necessarily mean debt.
I also dislike people saying they possibly live in the big house wishing they had a perfect family, just like those in the smaller houses......it isn't a mutually exclusive situation, you can have a huge home and a lovely family!!
The way around it is by not attaching a moral value to the size of someone's home, they are not better people/parents just because they have more square footage to live in.

There could be a few factors.

Depending on what area of country you live in, you don't have to be wadded to have a huge house. At 25 me and OH got accepted for a mortgage on a 21k and 41k salary (5 years ago). Our house is huge, 2 living rooms, 4 bedrooms, extension with huge kitchen, garden etc. We get comments about how rich we are when people visit us but our salaries were pretty modest to get the house.

SIL and her husband just bought a lovely house, they are a teacher and bricklayer. Has a double garage, semi detached, bar room in the garden, 3 bathrooms. They have extended themselves quote far with the mortgage, but it is affordable, just at the sacrifice of other things.

Another friend and her husband both wfh, modest house, but have 2 quite flash cars because they love cars, they aren't wadded, but would rather their money goes towards that than other things. So again would probably give the illusion they have lots.

Basically what I'm saying is when people have flash nice stuff, it can mean a few things.

1. Luck, buying at right time & right place.
2. Over extending themselves. Not necessarily debt but being willing to push self to limits.
3. Sacrificing other things to prioritise a purchase important to them.
4. Debt & a desire to keep up with the Jones (what ever the saying is)
5. Or they could just simply be rich af, but I find it very unlikely everyone you live around just happens to have oodles of cash.