My dad is dying and i am so scared

[AnxietyLevelMax]

He barely can walk now, no chance of getting to a hospital without a wheelchair and a stick, he is so so skinny, only bones, being fed through a tube for the past few weeks, on oxygen for couple of months, barely have power to speak, bed sores from sitting in his armchair day and night because he cant lie down so no chance of going to bed. I knew its bad, i call every day but seeing it with my own eyes is overwhelming. I saw him just before Christmas and he was still alright, last summer he was visiting us and did staircase and an additional floor for storage in our garage, and now he is so suffering.
fyi - i am not British but live in the UK for almost half of my life. We found out he’s got rare, terminal cancer two years ago. I dont know what else to say to my toddler who adores him so much and now he tells me he is sad because grandpa doesn’t play with him.
i dont know what to do, dont know how my mom will cope. I am daddy’s girl, i cant face whats
going to happen and wake up scared every morning praying he is still with us

I'm so sorry, it's such a difficult time. I lost my dad to cancer several years ago. My only advice is don't leave anything unsaid. Tell your dad you love him and visit as often as you can until the end.

Is your Dad in UK? District nurses should be going on for pressure sore prevention - he needs a proper chair with a proper medical cushion.

It is so hard when a loved relative is dying. Finding the right care for him will help both him and you. My OH died 4 years ago and I could not begin to imagine how I might cope - but he is with me in so many ways. My years with him changed who I am and I carry that forward with me just as you will all that your Dad gave you when he was bringing you up - you are part of him, and your child is too.

When my OH was dying I was very open with my GC and they took it all in their stride - took him drinks and sat with him. It became part of normal life.

You must trust yourself to deal with all this - as I am sure you will.

So sorry to hear about your Dad. Although it doesn't feel like it now, you will be able to let him go, knowing his suffering will end. Tell him you love him and what he means to you and his DGS.

As long as you hold him in your heart he will always be with you, even when he's no longer with you in person. My Dad died 8 years ago. I think about him every single day (I talk to him too, sometimes!) but not with sadness, just with a thankful heart that he is my Dad and my life is the better for having had him in it.

@Mischance he is not in the UK, i am. I am visit my parents abroad at the moment, planning to come again next month, and then we will see but will probably come every 2-3 weeks just to be around.

Do they have a palliative care team involved? They may be able to ease some of his discomfort and also provide support for the family.

Im sorry, its very difficult watching a loved one in the process of dying.💐

You need to make sure he is getting everything needed to keep him comfortable.

As a pp mentioned...are district nurses involved? Ask about a profiling (hospital) bed so he can lay/sit in bed, and a dynamic air mattress so help prevent pressure sores.
He should also be getting regular visits to check, treat, dress the sores to prevent them getting worse.

Speak to him normally, he's still your dad, he's still in there. If he can't reply, doesn't mean he isn't taking in everything you are saying.

yes he gets palliative care, we have an appointment to discuss the next step in a few days. He was on immunotherapy until not long ago. He gets so upset with my mom constantly when she tries to suggest something or help, he told me he doesnt like to be a burden and doesnt like when people walk around him trying to do things for him…not sure how to get this out of his head.

So sorry Anxiety and sending love. I've now lost both parents and it's always too soon. Yes, as PPs have said, say everything now.