How would this make you feel?

[HotWheelsMumma]

I often feel not a part of my families life. For background, I am in my 30’s and have one sibling who is early teens. It’s just the 2 of us. So we have both had an ‘only child’ upbringing really.
My DM will often call and tell me how they went for a family meal, with our surviving grandparent. But I am never invited and only ever find out about the plans after they have happened. I have 2 young children so they miss out also.
I recently was told by DM that she has stipulated in the will that my sibling inherits more or less everything. The reason being, sibling is younger than me and will need it more. I was fine with this, it’s her estate to divide up as she see’s fit.
However, surviving grandparent has just been having conversations, started by DM about his estate. In which she has told me she inherits the cash, my sibling a very expensive item of jewellery. I was not mentioned neither were GGC. The value of the item was mentioned and I casually asked if I would inherit the same in cash then. She laughed and said no.
AIBU to think that this is grossly unfair. Because the cash she inherits will also become my siblings so he basically gets everything from everyone. While I am not actually considered. Coupled with this the responsibility of sorting everything when my DP pass would fall to me being the oldest and my sibling being decades younger than me. I feel like I’m being entitled? And largely my issue is not financial, it is being completely overlooked and left out. I feel it difficult to speak about as I don’t want to come across as asking for money if that makes sense.

No, nothing like that at all. I have no issue with how my mum divides up her will as I said in my post, it’s hers to do with as she sees fit. It’s the fact I’m non existent in hers or GPs. And she didn’t think to mention this when he told her what he wanted to do. It’s like she also forgot about me, or didn’t think it weird he didn’t mention me.

well you are asking for that purpose 😆

given you have never asked before hand

so you’ve never called them, sent a card, seen them in many years?

unbelievable

And since they have been back in touch I have not had an opportunity for involvement really.

bollox to that

you haven’t even asked!

Wow. I can feel the chill from here. Sounds like you know more about what’s going on than me.

As I said. He was missing from my DMs life for a number of years. Since my childhood. One minute he was there. The next he was not. I helped look for him, missing person reports, prison records, death registry. You name it I helped check. We found him a couple of years ago happily living his life.

😆

i love a thread where the Op has us try to believe no back story

and as the details emerge… it is so obvious there is a back story, a big one, and explains entirely the situation at hand!

You’re completely right and I think I just need to be more open about how I’m feeling.

yep

but you didn’t bother to contact him did you

and a few years have passed

Well now it makes sense that your GP doesn’t consider you in their will. They don’t really know you.

Still weird about your mother and not being invited! Ask!

Possibly, which is why I’ve likely only ever seen him at my DMs. He is elderly and my children are very young.

and during those times

you never asked him where he lived??

I didn’t bother to contact him? We found an address and DM wanted to attend alone. I was heavily pregnant at the time; and seeing it’s her dad I allowed her the space she needed. It’s not that I haven’t bothered at all.

I know the town but not exact address.

Agree. @greenbeansrock are you ok? Why are you laying it on the OP?

@HotWheelsMumma OP, ignore @greenbeansrock . Seems like they’re the ones with a back story

Are you financially better off than your mother(& sibling)? I still think it’s unfair of her to punish you for your achievements but she might think it’s fair to help the younger child in need. Still unfair though.

No I’ve not had any kid of help like that

No, not by a long stretch.

Well my vote is: your mum has a favorite and i‘m sorry for you, OP. Nothing you can do. Don’t bend over backwardswhen she‘s old and needs help 🤷‍♀️

If you see her all the time, then sit down with her and tell her what you've said here. Just let her know that you are puzzled and hurt that you and your children are excluded from family gatherings and you'd really like to know why. Ask if you have done something or if your children's behaviour is an issue. Say directly that you'd love to be included. And let her - and your father – he's part of this too, know that you'd like to be included more often or told the reason why. Also say that discovering you are completely excluded from one will and left far less in another makes you feel less loved. Because, bluntly, it does.

Thats spectacularly shit and hurtful. Next time it's mentioned just say that's fine it's your will, but if I'm being disinherited just because I happened to be born first don't expect me to do all the graft as the executor or power of attorney just because I happened to be born first, youl need to enlist a solicitor to do all that and sort out a care plan for when you're older if you need it. If I'm on my own financially then il not be able to take time out work to care for you.

This is really good advice. Because you’re right, I am hurt by it and it doesn’t seem to have occurred to my family that it would be hurtful.

I can never understand why parents do this to their children. Unless there's been some massive falling out each child should get an equal share, regardless of their personal circumstances.