Male friend/colleague went completely cold on me

[Softshock]

Trying to rack my brains thinking why, but it's upset me tbh.
We used to talk almost every day and I've sensed him going cold for a while. I tried to ask him about it in a nice, casual way but he said no of course I don't mind talking, drop me a msg whenever.
When I see him round the office he's nice but now, if I don't talk to him first he'd never speak to me or initiate anything whatsoever.
I still don't know why, we've never fallen out or anything. As I say I tried to bring it up in a very casual way but he just made an excuse, so I doubt I'd get the truth.
It hurts seeing him close with other people, it's like I am of no use anymore.
The only thing I can do is just be civil but ignore him otherwise, there's no explanation.
He used to start a lot of conversation and then just went funny.
Has this happened to anyone else?
Honestly it makes me want to keep my distance from people as it hurts when you become good friends then they do this.

I tried to make an effort like I invited him to a gig I was attending with a few other colleagues and stuff like that but there's zero point of any of that.

I just try to let people come to me now, not many so but the occasional one might.

I know it’s a bit of a trope but was there any romantic element?

does he like you in a way you don’t like him?

or maybe he’s just a bit of an arsehole who picks people up and drops them when he feels like it? They do exist.

or have you said something to upset him?

doesn’t sound like you’ll get an answer which I totally get is really annoying and not great for self esteem.

He's not single and started to get feels?

Probably fancied you and has either gone off you or doesn't think he has a chance so in his mind it's not worth the effort to just be friends as he doesn't see it as worthwhile.

You've posted about him before haven't you OP?

If someone goes cold with you it is about themselves not you. Don’t personalise it. Look elsewhere for what you need. If someone has a problem with you and they don’t have the ability to discuss it with you that is about them.

No I don't think I've posted about him individually, I might've posted about colleagues in general.
There's never been a romantic element, I might've been open to it about half a year ago but I never said anything, and nothing ever happened.
But don't think he's my type anymore.
I sent him a friendly teams msg (like he used to send to me) then he pretended to not see it and said ooh sorry didn't see this, got to go now.
Anyway I won't bother again that's for sure.

That does seem quite weird. Just forget him. I guess it could be that he has started to get serious with a woman and feels awkward having a close female friend, if she doesn't feel comfortable? Or he fancied you but lost interest when nothing happened? If that was the case I dk why he didn't just ask you out before?
Don't let it cloud your feelings about other friendships. Most people wouldn't be that way.

Definitely single as far as I know, he hasn't really had a girlfriend before apparently.
I hope other people won't do this, I do feel with some people though that it's always me reaching out, it hurts.

Don't give people the space in your mind and heart if they can't reciprocate.

Wishing you all the best!

I voted yabu because how on earth could some random.person on the Internet know? Just ask him?

Maybe he thought you were interested in more than friendship and he didn't want that or maybe he's secretly gay . Either way I'd it alone Op

True I know people on here can't possibly know, it could be anything. Just looking for support and shared experiences really.

I agree with this. He thinks you’re keen on him and so is retreating

Honestly don't think it's that, or if he does he's wrong.
There are men at work I speak to a lot more than him anyway.

Also it's just come out of nowhere, I never flirted with him or did anything to suggest otherwise. I guess some men think that if you so much as smile at them.

Are you single?

Like others said it’s about him not you. But I wouldn’t push it. Just spend time with those who are friendly. If he’s not replying to message then don’t send him any. It’s a shame but if he won’t tell you why there’s nothing you can do.

Ultimately, it doesn't matter, really. He can't/won't give you the kind of reciprocal friendship you're looking for, just as six months ago, you didn't make a move on him when you were considering him romantically. Don't give him any more headspace, just as you wouldn't give it to any other potential friendship that had at one point looked promising, but didn't work out for whatever reason.

I am single, and not looking! Definitely don't want a man ATM
He's very good at making excuses and I doubt he'd be honest anyway.
I need to realise he's not my friend.
Sadly I didn't have many but I guess 2 or 3 is something.

Does sound frustrating. I was wondering if you were not single he may have developed feelings for you as this is often the reason men can go a bit cold.

Oh yeah hang on I did post about him about a month ago. It was when I was feeling a bit down about some personal stuff and he completely ignored that part of the message and also went a bit funny then. I guess I need to stop flogging a dead horse with him, I'm just hoping other friends don't do this to me.

This has happened to me before and each time it has been because the guy has decided that I have feelings for him and he needs to back off. This has often been without me doing anything in particular apart from being friendly. I think some men are just convinced of their own attractiveness. It suggests that he is a bit of a dick with a big opinion about himself, so I would leave him to it and enjoy the company of more down to earth male friends instead.

It's weird isn't it. I'd like more male friends but it puts me off, I'm a friendly person by nature but I just CBA.
There are men I speak to more than him anyway, and they've never been weird with me.
I've never flirted with this man, we've had jokey banter but that's it, nothing sexual.
He's never really had a serious girlfriend so I don't know, it's weird.

My theory is that these men are actually rather insecure in themselves and have got little female attention, so when a woman is friendly towards them, then it feels more meaningful to them than is actually intended, and being cold and unfriendly back makes them feel in control and good about themselves, i.e. "women fall over me because I am such a catch". In my experience, men who are genuinely self-confident and already have female friends do not behave like this.

(This may well be the same for men looking for friendships with women, but as I haven't been on that side of the issue, I don't really know)

I would say if you 'know he's never had a serious girlfriend' you're having much more detailed (intimate?) conversations than I tend to do with colleagues.

Though that could just be me ...