Builder might have stolen my mug?!

[oiwheresmymug]

Disclaimer: I know, I know. This is not my biggest problem; if anything, I'm mildly obsessing over this to distract me from much more harrowing difficulties. Please read it in a more light-hearted tone than it perhaps comes across 😜

We have builders in. It's the first time we've ever had the money for any house jobs so I'm new to all of this. I've been offering tea and coffee, as you do. One day I used a mug for one of the builders that I guess is licensed merchandise from a popular TV show. Probably not worth more than £10 and used, but in good nick. 'Nick' perhaps being the operative word, as when I went to collect the mugs for washing up that evening, it had gone.

Now, I don't like unsolved mysteries. I am autistic, but I think this one might just be a personality trait ;) I checked the front door camera and saw he walked out sipping from the mug and later came back without it. I assumed maybe he'd left it in his van and would bring it back the next day, but he never did.

I also hate confrontation (let's play autism or personality trait again...). I want to know what happened to the mug, but I'm a bit afraid to ask. I'm alone in the house with the builders and my baby and I'd be a bit scared that he would kick off if it does turn out he's made off with it.

I think it's somewhat unlikely he's just decided 'I'll have that' but I'm not sure what to think. My mum reckons he accidentally broke it and tossed it in the skip to hide the evidence.

I don't have anything else to go on. I walked past earlier and another builder was asking him if he thinks he's going to get another trophy but I can only assume that's about football or something and that I'm getting a leeetle obsessed with this. They've been nothing but friendly and hardworking.

So, what do we think? 'You're overthinking this, make like Elsa and let it go' is a given. What happened to the mug? Do I drop in 'hey, any idea what happened to your [TV show] mug?' when I give him his next drink? Do I let it fester until I explode with an 'OI WHERE'S MY MUG'?

Ask him for the mug.

Make up a family relative. Say nicely, "Mate, sorry, but can I have (Marvel) mug back please as it's such-and-such's favourite mug? Cheers.

If he flat out denies having it, tell him he's been on cam waltzing off with it.

Ask him for the mug and any other ‘trophies’ he might have ‘forgotten’ about. It will get your mug back and make him aware you know what he is up to.

Just say to him, can't find my whatever it is mug so if you see it around the house/outside or whatever can you bring it in so I can wash it up. That way you are telling him you know the mug is gone but not being accusatory about it. He may well have left it on a window sill or something then just completely forgotten about it. I honestly can't see any builder wanting to steal someones mug.

How about a face-saving option?

”You know the Big Bang Theory mug I made used making the teas yesterday? I can’t find it, and it’s DS’s favourite. Could you have a look and see if it got left in the van or with the tools? Ta!”

I have left empty mugs in stupid places when doing garden work, so it’s perfectly possible it’s somewhere with his junk. My DS’s BAZINGA mug was in the poly tunnel for two days before I realised where it had gone.

But even if he has pocketed it, it gives him and out to return it and no one has to feel bad.

Can you check your van as I think you left one of my mugs in there. Cheers

He either left in the back of the van and didn't even see/remember it to return it the next day or he broke it.

If he was stealing, he's not gonna steal something you directly gave him because it'll raises suspicions and you'll be looking go see if anything else is missing

"Heya, has someone accidentally taken X mug with them? I've just noticed it was missing. No worries if it got broke either, just would appreciate knowing"

And let it go

I’d be careful of accusing him of taking it - we had the exact same situation where a builder didn’t return one of my mugs and I seethed about it for a couple of days. Until I found it in a hanging flower basket where he’d obviously put it to keep it from getting broken whilst digging etc., then forgotten about it. Was really glad I didn’t say anything!

Just to redress the balance on behalf of builders, mine left two mugs I didn't recognise. One is now my MIL's favourite mug when she visits us!

Don’t use mugs you value for builders — getting lost or broken isn’t unlikely. I never make tea or coffee for builders, though they’re welcome to make their own, but I keep a supply of big, basic mugs for the purpose. I think they’re Sports Direct freebies or something, and huge.

”You know the Big Bang Theory mug I made used making the teas yesterday? I can’t find it, and it’s DS’s favourite. Could you have a look and see if it got left in the van or with the tools? Ta!”

This is what I would do. I think it very unlikely they have nicked it. I keep several old mugs to give to builders etc / for no other reason that they are often used outside and easily broken. Would never give a mug that I'd miss in the unlikely event that they did break or take it

OP I mean this really really kindly but given my experience with builders you’re going to have to put your hate of confrontation to one side and ask for the mug back. See it as practice for when they do something important you really need to ask them about.

Morning Gary, if you bring me that Spiderman mug you had yesterday I'll stick a coffee in it for you.

Either he keeps a mug he likes from jobs to keep himself entertained or its on his dashboard slowly disappearing under takeaway wrappers, paperwork and spare parts.

I've got mugs specifically for tradespersons. There is no way I would let others, including work colleagues use my favourite/special/initialled mugs.

I’d say something like this!

Having had a million builders over the past couple of years I can’t see this as having been deliberate! As others have said, just ask, in a non confrontational way

And I’d second and third separate mugs for builders!

But no. I wouldn’t use mugs I value for builders. The most likely option unfortunately is that it got broken rather than nicked

This, nobody is going to risk their reputation on a mug. Small builders rely very heavily on their reputation and word of mouth.

My fencers lost their mugs after I’d given them a drink - I asked where they were and they were in their van with lots of other ones!
Ask for it as it’s special to you.

Thanks everyone. I think I'm going to have to say something or I'm just going to be stuck on the mystery of it all.

For context, it's not anyone's favourite mug so getting it back isn't actually a priority. I didn't give them drinks in any of the ones we really like, but we don't really have any plain ones (lesson learnt?).

Complicating it somewhat is the fact that it wasn't yesterday he walked out with it in his hand - after he didn't bring it back the next day, his part was done and he switched over with someone else, but now he's back. I was fully prepared to let it go when I thought I'd never see him again, but now I'm back on it. If I ask him about it a week later, I'm going to come across as the obsessive that I am!

Also probably not needed for context but I feel quite uneasy having people I don't know in my house anyway, it being my personal sanctuary and safe zone. Not because I think they're going to do anything bad. I think this one is an autistic thing. I just feel mildly on edge. I'm also struggling with postpartum depression, some serious health issues, and a baby who wakes up every hour, the combination of which makes me feel like I'm even weaker socially than usual. That makes it harder to say something casually.

The mug itself doesn't matter, it's more just the not understanding what happened.

I’m afraid the builders get the mugs with patterns which have faded to nothing because they shouldn’t have been put in the dishwasher. They do get biscuits, though!

I mean, it would also be nice to have it back but it's more my brain getting stuck on the mystery!

I would say not deliberate, but like you I wouldn’t be up for a conversation about it. When we had builders in I found cups & plates all over the place - I think they just drink their brew and put the mug down wherever they happen to be. Having said that, I never made their drinks in my “good cups” in case they got lost or broken.

I think that you are going to have to let this go, even if it's hard. Buy a replacement and just give them cheapies. Or better still give him the replacement and see if he's going for the set!