AIBU to think I should see a therapist?

[HelloTreacle9]

Anyone else hit their late 40s/early 50s and think ‘I really think I should see a therapist’? I don’t know if it’s perimenopause or something but I’m increasingly feeling like I’m a bit fucked up and could do with untangling a lifetime’s worth of stuff, from the way I was parented to my marriage to my relationship with money, alcohol etc. I feel a bit like the scales are falling from my eyes and I keep having thoughts/realisations that are like ‘clarity grenades’ going off. I’m 50. I’m constantly anxious. Is it too late to deal with all of this?

I think a therapist would be very good for you, to help you clear your mind and face things head on.

I think this is quite common for women in their 50s. Perhaps for men too. You finally have time to sit down and think a bit because DC are grown ( if you have them). Getting a good and affordable therapist is a different matter.

I’ve recently turned 40 and over the last 12 months my mental health has taken a significant nose dive. I’m constantly anxious, panic attacks and when faced with, admittedly, stressful situations, fall apart where I would have knuckled down and resolved them previously.

I’m trying to find a good therapist at the moment who doesn’t cost the earth but in the meantime self referred to the NHS talking therapies service.

Well done for having the self awareness to see that you might benefit from therapy.

Yes and I’ve just started with one.

Yes it might be a good idea. Make sure you have a good rapport with the therapist and see some improvement after 1 or 2 sessions in terms of seeing things in a slightly different way. No need to pay hundreds of £ just to have someone listening to you and nodding empathetically for hours on end. Do you have any religious affiliation? I am asking because I chant a Buddhist mantra Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo on a daily basis to help me untangle the events of my daily life and my life course in general. Mindfulness has its roots in Buddhism. However I could never sit still and think of nothing. Vigorous chanting clears my head after 20 minutes and I often see things differently/in a new light after this. Cheaper than counselling. You can find more info and connect to your local Buddhist group via SGI-UK website if interested

Yes, a good therapist who helps you to really work is revelatory. Just don’t expect it to be easy. I had to switch around my session to a time when I had no significant work responsibilities afterwards because I was so exhausted.

Further to the earlier message.... it costs nothing to join the group and to chant. SGI-UK is a registered charity, run by volunteers and survives on donations from people who felt it made the difference. So chanting and all other activities they run (like Buddhism study sessions) are free, not "cheaper than counselling "

I'm 45 and feel very much like this but sadly I have two young kids who need all my money so can't afford therapy, although I would genuinely really like to.

@Penguinfeet24 have you looked at NHS talking therapies in your area? There may or may not be a long waitlist.

I think by the time you start thinking you might need a therapist, you definitely need to see one. Personally I'd massively recommend the experience, although you do need to find one that feels right.

From personal experience and from seeing my friends go through it I think that our late 40s and early 50s are a really transformational period in our lives - a bit like teenage, in that we emerge to be something else - perhaps the person we always could have been, or even the person we always were but have been too busy to notice.

Work is perhaps less important, our parents are aging or might be gone, our children are flying the nest and our bodies are changing.

I think it's a period of great reflection for lots of people. For thinking about the past, the now and the future. If you don't reflect then I think a bubble builds up in you and can burst in a bad way.

Therapy would be a very good way of working through this and I've seen it really free people up from all the habits of the past so that they can soar into the future as the real them. I'd do it if you possibly can.

If it's unaffordable or unavailable the library is full of books that help you explore this under your own steam.

I have so many regrets, tbh. I have fucked up massively. Too late to change it. I wish I had a do-over. It all went by so fast.

Thank you - I have and I have had some of them but whilst I do think they are good, ten sessions is just not going to be enough to unpack everything unfortunately. I think I kinda need an ongoing weekly thing - one day, when I have the money, I'll do it. Thankfully I'm highly functioning!

If there is any way you can cut back elsewhere to free up enough money for a weekly session, it is a good investment in your children as well as yourself — makes you interrogate unhelpful childhood scripts you grew up with, question automatic responses to things, not pass on your own issues to your children etc.

I’m definitely a better parent for having therapy. I’m not in the UK and pay €60 for a session, and it’s the best €60 I’ve ever spent.

Well you can try it and see what you think. Try to get a personal recommendation if possible.

Alternatively you could do some journaling, mindfulness and other self help methods that help you clear your mind- therapy won’t last forever unless you have very deep pockets so you’ll need to learn some strategies for keeping yourself on an even keel.

I found it very helpful at an especially difficult time in my life because I could keep talking about the issue without feeling I was overloading a friend and it did clear my head. After some EMDR I just felt I didn’t need it anymore which was a good feeling.

Just turned 50 and I can say some similarities; I have been hit with a good few "clarity grenades" recently, but rather than sending me to spiral it's done the opposite (ah that's why I do X,yz...)

If anything, the clarity grenades have helped me to be at peace with who I am and why I do stuff the way I do.

I think therapy would help most people. It’s absolutely not too late, and 50’s is not old either! If you decide to, look at the counselling directory and find a local bacp counsellor, or search on the bacp website, counselling is unregulated in this country so you’ll want a bacp (or a counsellor with membership to another organisation) to find trained therapist. Good luck! Xx