Am I being stubborn to not ask my parents

[Chillpill22]

Hi all

I am in a bit of a predicament and need some different perspectives. I have had to hand in notice to my landlord recently as he is planning to put up my rent by £350. Since I moved in 4 years ago the rent will have gone up by £550 this is despite him not doing any significant work that would increase the value of the house (literally the same as when I moved in). Anyway looking around my area I have been really disheartened at the state of the properties available for rent. Much less space then what I had for much more than what I was paying. I refuse to pay the type of money some landlords are requesting for the type of property they are offering so I have been looking further afield where the quality of housing and space is much better for a more reasonable price.

Anyway the problem with that is I am not planning to move jobs or my kids schools so it would increase my commute. My commute is looking like it will be in total about 1 hour 40 minutes though broken up with drop offs. My sister and friends are telling me that it is too far and that i won't be able to sustain that commute but my commute is already about 45 minutes to 1 hour so I feel it depends on your appetite for driving.

Instead what my sister and friend are suggesting is that I ask my parents to move in with them with my kids and save money for about a year so that I can afford to buy my own house on one of the 5% deposited shared ownership type schemes. My parents live in a convenient location that would make it easy for me to get to work and kids schools. However my brother still lives at home and although he has plans to move out its unclear when this will be. There are 4 bedrooms and my parents each have their own room so I would have to share with someone either my kids or mum. I am not the easiest person to live with as I like my space (i moved out when i was 24) and am a bit territorial so would struggle to share space with my family especially as parents can be hoarders so tend to not have alot if available space. Also collectively there is the stuff of my other siblings in the house which would reduce my space. Mum likes socialising and has people in and out of the house most days. Plus I'm not even sure they would want me there as there has been conflict between me and siblings in the past. Plus both my parents can be difficult and though it's easy to get along with them when I am not living with them I'm afraid the proximity will be traumatising for me, my kids and them. Or it could be a good thing?

Anyway despite all of that I am being told that I am being stubborn not to ask my parents and I am making my own life difficult. That I should just put up with it for a year so that I can save enough and stop paying so much in rent. So basically am I being unreasonable to not want to move back with my parents even for a year (I'm late 30s)? Should I just pay higher rent where I live for less space or is what I am planning to do moving further away and commuting in a good idea. Let me know your thoughts.

I think the extra commute will cost loads in petrol. Also what about weekends - kids parties, seeing friends etc?

Personally I would prioritise buying a place & also I would consider the kids sharing as something which might be your only way to get on the housing ladder.

Could you not move in & have regular weekends where you maybe go stay in a YHA or Travelodge or caravan park? So you & parents get a break?

If you did this for say 6 months you could save £9k in rent.

No, I wouldn’t move back in with your parents unless you had no other choice. You are a grown adult with your own children.

I do think you should really consider your planned move though and look at all the costs. How much will the commute cost? Will lack of time cause expense creep? What about days when you need to stay by the school late so can’t really justify going home? Expenses on those days will add up.

Could you move into a cheaper one bedroom flat - kids share a bedroom and you get a sofa bed in the living room. Then save the difference to buy. It will be tough and cramped but sounds better than staying in a toxic environment at your parents or a horrendous commute

The additional £350 in rent will pale in comparison to what you'll pay in petrol/trains, and the additional time spent commuting will be far more taxing than you realise. Moving in with your parents is a horrendous idea.

I think commute would burn you and kids out. It could be worth asking your parents if there was a strict deadline, then everyone would suck it up until the year was up because they know there's an end in sight. The other option is to just stay put and make your landlord work for the extra rent. Make him repair the house and fix it up etc. Everyone is struggling with similar issues right now regarding out of control rents.

Thanks for your advice. I managed to find a property in my area that I am happy with. Its a bit more than what I am paying and smaller but the area where it is is really nice and the rooms are a decent size so I don't feel too put out by it. My landlord is still looking for someone. Although he has made an effort to improve the appearance of the property for potential new tenants viewing it the underlying problems are peaking through for anyone who is looking carefully. So where he has painted certain sections of the wall are not drying because of the damp. Any how not my problem anymore. I still might consider moving in with parents when my brother moves out and both rooms become available. My rent/living costs are high and the time it would take to save up a deposit is going to be really long unless I find a way to reduce them or increase my salary considerably. Staying with them for one year might be a solution to that problem but I need to set the right conditions for that first by repairing my relationship with siblings and also helping them to clear out some more stuff from their house.