For years now I've had severe anxiety, mostly about my health but also obsessive and intrusive thoughts and since been diagnosed with OCD, panic disorder and GAD. It's become so severe I can't leave my house alone, I can't drive alone and I can't be at home alone. I've begun obsessive thinking about dying, I'm constantly thinking I'm dying, my heart's always racing, I'm always thinking I've got some sort of illness, heart attacks, cancer, blood clots, Brain aneurysms, anything life threatening. I can't sleep, lost 30 pounds in the last three months die to the stress. I'm always in immense physical pain..I'm always aware of my heart beating just waiting for it to stop. I can't enjoy life anymore. I've a DS who is 2 and I love him to death,y obsessions about death have begun around him, constantly worrying he has an illness or he will suddenly die. I've had numerous therapies over the years, CBT ERP, etc nothing has helped me. I've tried numerous medications, nothing has helped either. I just spiral even more. I have days where I feel okay and I can be quite productive but they are often short lived. My intrusive thoughts have turned more dark and even into "visions and made up scenarios and conversations in my head". I avoid all news, television etc because it just triggers me. I've had several breakdowns over the years but always been well enough to be treated at home but I've never truly felt better. I'm awaiting a full psychiatric assessment next month but this in itself has triggered me massively.. I don't know what I am can do anymore. I'm extremely isolated from absolutely everyone die to the fears I have. My partner isn't supportive as he just thinks I'm being stupid and he doesn't understand that I cannot help this, I can't stop the thoughts and the anxiety. He's getting so sick of having to hand hold me all the time (,I can't even be in a room alone, I have to be in the same room as him else I panic) when he's at work I spend m whole days just sitting doing nothing because I'm so scared of bad things happening and dying and leaving my son. I'm losing hope that I will be like this forever and I will destroy life, my son's life, my partners life be wise I'm such a misery to be around. I'm so terrified of dying but at the moment I feel like maybe it sound t be so bad be sure at least I won't have this constant misery. Not sure what I was hoping to achieve with this. I have no friends, no family who actually understand and takes me seriously. I guess I just needed to get this out. I don't know where to go from here but I'm starting to feel like things aren't real anymore and sometimes I feel completely detached from my self.