I'm a bad manager but I'm stuck in the role - help!

[lonelyouthere]

NC for obvious reasons

I've ended up in a management position, but I'm terrible at it. I don't like managing people, I don't enjoy talking to my team or supporting them, and I'd much rather just work on my own. But quitting isn't an option (for reasons I can't explain as it's outing).

I keep reading management books that say you need to enjoy interacting with your team, coaching them, and helping them succeed. But I get little satisfaction from any of that. Honestly, I'm worried I've gotten myself into the wrong role and I'm feeling really down about the whole situation.

Has anyone else been in a similar boat? How did you handle it? I'm looking for any suggestions, tips or advice from others who may have gone through something like this themselves. What can I do to suck less as a manager when my heart's not in it?

Appreciate any wisdom you can share - I need it! Thanks in advance.

How long have you been a manager?

10 years

Ok, at first read, I was going to agree with you. I freely admit, I hated being a manager. I wasn't good at it, and I couldn't understand why people aspired to such positions.
Did numerous courses, read the books. Tried to get team members who fit certain roles that supposedly made a team ( ideas people, finishers, workhorses, etc)
Fucking hated it.
So I didn't do it for 10 years.
You've had at least 9 years to find another job.
No sympathy, except for your team members. They will know you hate being a manager

You can't do your job then is what you're saying. Blimey I bet you're staff are feeling really negative.
Move on.

If you’ve had 10 years to get better at something and haven’t managed it, it’s unlikely you’re going to find an answer.

Do you hate all management or just people management? If you’ve managed to keep your job for 10 years while being bad at managing your team there must be aspects you’re really good at.

If you can’t resign, could you try and get promoted or have your job split so someone else does the people management and you do more strategic development or whatever other bit of your job you’re good at and like?

I empathise but I also don't manage people for that reason because I also hate it. I'm a sociable and kind person but it's just something I've always disliked doing it. I've spent years pushing against the notion in my large organisation that seniority should equate to managing people. And it's taken me a few years to get promoted due to this. However I've now found quite a specialised role which needs my skills and focus, not my ability to manage people. I do have lots of support but from other teams so I do lots of coaching and training but to me that's different from the line management side of things. You need to find another role OP.

10 years! I assumed you were talking about a new role

Why on earth haven’t you found a new job?

There are several possibilities here. I'd start with your relationship with your manager. Are they open to your saying you are looking to move on and asking what they might offer you.

Most organisations want their people to be happy and fulfilled at work so would be open to moving someone who have proven their worth tho the organisation over ten years rather than have them leave.

What has your manager said?

If they don't respond to your dissatisfaction with your role by offering you something else within the organisation, then there is the issue and your best bet is to research agencies an sign on to look for a new role.

Meanwhile, start asking all your professional contacts for the opportunity to see what's happening in their world. One of them might be looking for someone like you.

The key is to focus on finding the kind of role you want, specialise, technical, support rather than management. Don't bad mouth anyone just focus on what you want next.

I sympathise, I'm not cut out for management even though I love talking to people. I just can't be doing with it when they winge. Sigh

All the best.

I was a senior manager for 8 years and took a step back to being a consultant again.

When you manage people, it becomes apparent very quickly that 99% of people are whinging arseholes and I couldn't be bothered with them anymore.

Was a nice day when I said on the team meeting, as of Monday, I won't be your manager, don't know who will be, so from now on call xxx with your issues.

I was in your shoes. I lasted 3 years and just saw the light. Downsized to a house I could afford even on minimum wage and started looking for new jobs. Took £8k paycut down to £29k to work a basic grade job. Best decision I ever made. The house, the car, the job title just wasn't worth it. I felt very very naughty choosing happiness over status but I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

10 years on and learning to live on less was the best thing I've ever done. Gradually as my salary has crept up I've cut my hours, so I'm now still only earning £29k but by working 4 shorter days per week and have so much more ME time.

If you have a large team can you appoint someone to a role below you to do the day to day management piece- create another layer so you have less direct reports?

But you have been doing this for 10 years- so you should know this stuff right?!

And if you were 'terrible' surely you would have been fired? Is this a massive case of imposter syndrome? You can still hate it of course.

Is finding another job an option?

If you really can't get another role, my suggestion would be to ask for feedback from your reports - ask one person to collate it and send it to you so it's anonymous. There are numerous formats you could use - stop/start/continue is quite a good one. Find out what it is your team need from you, and work out how to deliver it. Perhaps you could find a mentor - this could be a peer who is a confident manager rather than someone senior - to go through the feedback with you and create an action plan.

There are loads of awful managers who think they're great. Then there are the awful ones who don't care. At least you realise and are trying to do something about it.

In all seriousness though you should really look for another job or at least come up with a plan. Doing a job you hate is horrible.

It's called "promotion to incompetence", and it's the reason that most companies are pretty shit after they've been around for more than 5 years or so. Basically, everybody gets endlessly promoted until they can't be justifiably promoted any further because they're no good at the job they're currently in.

The solution is simple - find another job. The problem is finding one that doesn't involve a salary cut without any experience beyond management in the last decade...for that you're going to need skills that you'll probably need to acquire.

I really hope you're better than you think. It's not fair on your line reports.