Saw my ex partner and cried

[MoonLightWhisper]

I saw my ex partner in our local Sainsbury's with a partner and I literally cried when I walked out. We dated for 3 years and shared a lot of memories together, we supported each other through joy and hardships. In the end we mutually broke it off as we had different dreams.

I'm just surprised that I acted like that, I think the fact that they have moved on and I haven't played on my emotions.

AHH I need to get a grip on myself.

Don't be too hard yourself - it took you by surprise. Seeing him with another woman probably reminded you of happier days and you got emotional. Remind yourself it was a mutual break up. You weren't right for each other.

Big hug OP

Seeing her with another man.

Why the silly assumption it was clear this was gender neutral. Haven’t we moved on from that?

An easy assumption to make rather than a silly one.

OP could have just given the relevant pronouns to avoid confusion.

Anyway, OP, that's understandable you were upset! Especially when you weren't expecting it; did they see you/you had to interact?

I’ve been trying to convince myself that I’ll be fine if/when I bump into my ex out and about. We were together 10 years and split over 2
Years ago and I still haven’t seen him.

I was sure I’d be fine and then I saw someone he worked with in the supermarket last week and my heart was racing! If I feel like that about seeing my ex’s colleague I’m now not so sure it will fine when it’s him.

It’s totally understandable to be wobbled by seeing your ex full stop. Seeing them with a new partner is going to be even more difficult. Don’t be hard on yourself for having an emotional reaction to seeing your ex with someone new. It’s bound to hurt.

What makes you say you haven't moved on,

? Moved on from what??

We locked eye contact and exchanged awkward smiles, I wish her complete happiness, she's an amazing human.

However, seeing her move on felt like a train had hit me.... I can't explain why, I hadn't thought of her for months and then boom!

Yes. Moved on from what , exactly ?

It isn't silly to assume a poster on a mums website is female. Doesn't mean they have to be female , obviously. By the way, it's rude and condescending to call people silly, but I expect you know that @JJathome

Quite.

Were you in same sex relationship and now she's moved on with a man?
I understand if this has a particular sting in the tail (from a lesbian whose ex just did the same thing)

My reaction to seeing them, I shouldn't even say this, but for a few hours I was almost suicidal, not that I would have done anything, more asking myself why I was alive.

Seeing them happy made me hate myself and I don't know why.

I'm male

Not to me, I thought OP had a male partner.

Anyway, it's not necessary to be hard on someone who is obviously being supportive to the OP. It's obvious there was no ill intent.

Bless you op, break ups are hard I would probably be the same with some of my exes or feel weird

I disagree, it is very clear this site is not solely female, nor is it solely straight couples. As such. When someone clearly keeps it gender neutral assuming it’s a woman posting and a straight couple is for me, wrong.

I totally understand where you.are coming from. I found out 18 months after splitting up with my ex partner (1st love) that he had a baby with another woman. It broke me and took me by complete surprise I was so upset. I still don't know why as it was right that we split. It wasn't on great terms (he had cheated on me) and I thought I had moved on. 14 years later and happily married with my own children and completely 100% moved on, I found out he died. I was absolutely devastated. Again, can't explain why but it really shocked me. Sorry, doesn't really help, but you aren't on your own!

Your reaction is a reflection of how deeply you felt for this person. She is part of your story and a significant important person in your life - that will never change.
Of course you should be alive! You have the capacity for deep and genuine love which will one day once more will have a worthy person to share it with... and although she couldn't stay in your life I'm sure she knows your love was true and valued it very highly. I expect she values it very highly still and your shared memories aren't for nothing.
Loss is a tough thing, it hurts in direct proportion to how much you loved.
Add to the shock of seeing them with someone else and no wonder it hit hard and deep right to your core.
But, the only way to escape ever feeling this way is to only experience shallow attachments, which is a hollow life.
Your only comfort is that the feelings will pass, though you'll never forget them, but, if you can, eventually, take them as a badge of honour that you shared this incredible connection and both of you will always look back on it as a huge chapter in your life.

I know this loss is not a death, but I find this piece of writing really helpful in these moments:
https://thelossfoundation.org/grief-comes-in-waves/

Fwiw... I once felt knocked sideways by the sight of someone who looked like my ex, I briefly thought it was them, got a rush of emotion then realised it wasn't... I was in the airport heading to Italy with someone I was really in love with and would later marry... Still the encounter threw up a lot of emotions to the surface that took a while to settle down!
So your paths crossing in the way that you did would definitely be a tonne of bricks!

Time will help and meanwhile take care of yourself, do something that will sooth you.

It’s completely normal.

FWIW I saw an old best friend and it made me cry too.

Don’t feel bad for caring about someone and grieving what you lost.

Now it’s time to focus on yourself though and make sure you do things that make you happy.

Focus on having hobbies, getting a decent job, nice car, holidays etc anything that doesn’t revolve around a relationship.

Thankyou! It's nice to hear people also have had similar emotional responses.

Yes! Absolutely, I should focus on self improvement and my happiness. Thankyou

It's not a silly assumption- it is the assumption most often to be right.