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Original poster

To wonder at what point does the cost of childcare become not worth it?

42 replies

ChildcareConundrums · 15/05/2024 20:48

Day nurseries round here are about £70-90. Usually around the £80 mark.

That’s £1800 a month, presuming there are 4.5 weeks per month.

Even if you are earning an average salary of £30k, which is take home £2k net, you’re only getting £200 for being at work.

Is £200 worth it to:

  • See your child 2 out of 7 days (less than 30% of the time)
  • Have your DC and whole household unwell most the time with the latest cold, cough, conjunctivitis, hand foot and mouth
  • Deal with the stress of being out the house and having all the jobs and life admin to do on your very limited days off
  • Leave (trust!) your baby with people you don’t really know for such extensive periods of time

That £200 is gone probably on your commuting cost to work, or in an instant if you hit a pothole on the way to work and need a new tyre.

I understand the appeal of paying into your pension and keeping financial independence and a sense of identity outside being a mum. That is why I want to (and will) return to work after my mat leave. I just completely get it why some people might not.

I will probably end up going part time. We’re childcare waiting lists but I have my head in the sand over costs. Even if these funded hours come in I’m not convinced the discount will be very big, if there’s even enough places to fulfil that offer.

Gah! I know it’s not a new issue either. I just think it’s crazy we have one of the most expensive childcare systems in the world in this country, in the year of 2024.

At what point does returning to work become not worthwhile?

OP posts:
fashionqueen0123 · 15/05/2024 20:51

No that situation you describe is definitely not worth it. My friend is a teacher and she went back about 2.5/3 days a week. Her friend went back full time. She worked out she was getting about £50 a week more. So £25 a day. Not worth it at all.

CelesteCunningham · 15/05/2024 20:53

I think if you have anything approaching a "career", it can be worth remaining at work with no profit or even a slight loss for the sake of the long term pension and salary increases. It's very hard to resume a career at anything like the same level after a few years out.

If you have a "job" where you're getting minimal pension contributions anyway and there's little hope of progression regardless of time out, then the balance may well tip the other way.

There's also the financial security in the event of separation to consider.

And of course it should be fathers doing this maths as well as mothers, but, well, they rarely do, do they. Sigh.

Hemiola · 15/05/2024 20:53

I didn't think it was worth it, so was a SAHM. However other friends e.g medical/vets/architect type people felt it was otherwise it'd be difficult (and expensive) to re enter the work place. Happily my career is a self employed one and was easy to pick back up. Feel very grateful I had that option.

Original poster
ChildcareConundrums · 15/05/2024 20:54

CelesteCunningham · 15/05/2024 20:53

I think if you have anything approaching a "career", it can be worth remaining at work with no profit or even a slight loss for the sake of the long term pension and salary increases. It's very hard to resume a career at anything like the same level after a few years out.

If you have a "job" where you're getting minimal pension contributions anyway and there's little hope of progression regardless of time out, then the balance may well tip the other way.

There's also the financial security in the event of separation to consider.

And of course it should be fathers doing this maths as well as mothers, but, well, they rarely do, do they. Sigh.

Edited

Me and DH did this together to be fair, we were talking about it earlier. He will probably get a day off in the week if he can to further reduce our costs

OP posts:
SwissArmyRomance · 15/05/2024 20:54

I went part time so paid little tax, DH compressed his hours for one of the days, we used tax free childcare and it ended up being approx half my wages (down to 10% when he hit 3). It was absolutely worth it. I wouldn't have gone back full time for the wage I was on.

CelesteCunningham · 15/05/2024 20:59

ChildcareConundrums · 15/05/2024 20:54

Me and DH did this together to be fair, we were talking about it earlier. He will probably get a day off in the week if he can to further reduce our costs

Show quote history

That's good that you're both in this together. It makes everything easier, and not just the finances.

I'd be very wary of anyone dropping one day - everyone I've known who's done four days has ended up having to cram five days of work into four days of time for four days' salary. Compressing hours can work better but you probably won't both be able to do that and make drop off/pick up.

QforCucumber · 15/05/2024 20:59

It was worth it for me because in the 2.5 years we paid out those costs I got promoted twice and my wages increased by around 10k in that time. I’d not have had those opportunities by reducing my hours or taking less responsibility at work.

now that the kids are both in school (9 and 4) we’re all reaping the rewards of that very tight few years.

oh and your inflammatory comments of never seeing them etc,

they were only away from me or dh for 8 hours out of 24, 5 days a week. There were still 16 hours a day at home (yes some were sleeping, but mostly in our bed anyway!)
the nursery staff became like an extension of our family, which was fabulous as we have 0 family help so having them to babysit if we needed was also amazing.
we all still get colds etc now too, but much less so.

the buggest thing - dh and I are equal parents when it comes to covering mornings, school runs, sickness cover etc and that is worth it’s absolute weight in gold

Biscottiandacappuccino · 15/05/2024 21:01

I decided it was not worth it and became a SAHM to my one year old. However, I would say that you need to enjoy being at home, otherwise I think it becomes detrimental to both parent and child if you suddenly have an unhappy parent who feels they are missing out by not being at work. I love it though! I do also think that it should be seen as an equal and valid choice for both mothers and fathers to make. At the moment it is predominantly mothers who will choose to stay at home.

Original poster
ChildcareConundrums · 15/05/2024 21:01

QforCucumber · 15/05/2024 20:59

It was worth it for me because in the 2.5 years we paid out those costs I got promoted twice and my wages increased by around 10k in that time. I’d not have had those opportunities by reducing my hours or taking less responsibility at work.

now that the kids are both in school (9 and 4) we’re all reaping the rewards of that very tight few years.

oh and your inflammatory comments of never seeing them etc,

they were only away from me or dh for 8 hours out of 24, 5 days a week. There were still 16 hours a day at home (yes some were sleeping, but mostly in our bed anyway!)
the nursery staff became like an extension of our family, which was fabulous as we have 0 family help so having them to babysit if we needed was also amazing.
we all still get colds etc now too, but much less so.

the buggest thing - dh and I are equal parents when it comes to covering mornings, school runs, sickness cover etc and that is worth it’s absolute weight in gold

Sorry, didn’t mean it to feel inflammatory. I was just outlining some reasons why some people might think it makes more sense to stay at home. Of course, there’s benefits to nursery that a child wouldn’t get if they just stayed at home.

OP posts:
Wolfpa · 15/05/2024 21:02

Why are you just counting it against your salary? It takes two people to make a child you should take it out of your husbands salary also.

RookieMa · 15/05/2024 21:03

It's never worth it it's just if want to keep doing your job or not

PeanutCat1 · 15/05/2024 21:03

I was on 25k when I had my first DS and it just wasn't worth it to me to go back. I am married and all our finances are shared anyway so it was a joint decision and as my husband is a much higher earner it just wouldn't make sense to us for him to drop hours.

Youngest DS is now 10 months and he will be starting preschool when he is 3 so I will look to return to the workplace part time then.

My previous job did have some good prospects but it wasn't a job that I enjoyed and I don't think it's something I want to pursue so that made the decision easy for me. If I was keen to progress my career in that field I probably would have gone back despite the childcare costs.

Original poster
ChildcareConundrums · 15/05/2024 21:06

Wolfpa · 15/05/2024 21:02

Why are you just counting it against your salary? It takes two people to make a child you should take it out of your husbands salary also.

I’m not, overly. Even if you took it from his salary. Household income reduction of 45% if we had to pay for full time childcare.

OP posts:
allthevitamins · 15/05/2024 21:07

Notwithstanding that it can be crippling, childcare is a family expense.

Most women (and yes, men as well) require their own income for many years longer than they require childcare.

Original poster
ChildcareConundrums · 15/05/2024 21:07

allthevitamins · 15/05/2024 21:07

Notwithstanding that it can be crippling, childcare is a family expense.

Most women (and yes, men as well) require their own income for many years longer than they require childcare.

Understand. But you also never get those early years back.

OP posts:
shearwater2 · 15/05/2024 21:08

I would be at home if there was only a few quid difference.

For me as the main earner going back to work was a no brainer as there was a huge difference earning v not, even with childcare taken into consideration. We couldn't afford for me NOT to work after mat leave.

FlabMonsterIsDietingAgain · 15/05/2024 21:08

The picture you've painted is not good but it's also not the full picture

"That’s £1800 a month, presuming there are 4.5 weeks per month.

Even if you are earning an average salary of £30k, which is take home £2k net, you’re only getting £200 for being at work. "

Have you factored in funded hours and tax free childcare?

• See your child 2 out of 7 days (less than 30% of the time)

You will also see your child on the days they go to nursery, before and after, unless you work 24 hrs a day 5 days a week

• Have your DC and whole household unwell most the time with the latest cold, cough, conjunctivitis, hand foot and mouth

Not every child gets this and if they do its only for the first few months and the choice is to do it now with nursery or in a couple of years when they start school.

• Deal with the stress of being out the house and having all the jobs and life admin to do on your very limited days off

While everyone is out of the house it stays clean and tidy so the housework is more contained to just clearing up as you go in the evenings. I've never really been able to understand what everyone means when they say 'life admin'. Most everything financial is direct debits and auto renewal, food shopping can be done either in person in the evening or online on a lunch break, making appts at GP/dentist is generally infrequent and can be done on Bluetooth on the journey to work or during a lunch break. I would find it really hard to write a list of admin activities done on a regular daily or weekly basis that takes up more than a few minutes a week.

• Leave (trust!) your baby with people you don’t really know for such extensive periods of time

This one is hard but if you find the right childcare then you will feel comfortable with it.

You haven't mentioned

  • maintaining your career so that you have continuity of employment, pension contributions, continued progression
  • financial independence in the event of a relationship breakdown
  • adult interaction and having something for yourself outside of the house and family.
  • sharing of the household tasks/life admin/nursery drop offs and pick ups with your partner
  • options to compress hours or go part time to reduce childcare needs
PotatoPudding · 15/05/2024 21:09

I had a job, not a career, so totally wasn’t worth it for me. I took three years off and only started back once DS got funded hours.

Original poster
ChildcareConundrums · 15/05/2024 21:10

FlabMonsterIsDietingAgain · 15/05/2024 21:08

The picture you've painted is not good but it's also not the full picture

"That’s £1800 a month, presuming there are 4.5 weeks per month.

Even if you are earning an average salary of £30k, which is take home £2k net, you’re only getting £200 for being at work. "

Have you factored in funded hours and tax free childcare?

• See your child 2 out of 7 days (less than 30% of the time)

You will also see your child on the days they go to nursery, before and after, unless you work 24 hrs a day 5 days a week

• Have your DC and whole household unwell most the time with the latest cold, cough, conjunctivitis, hand foot and mouth

Not every child gets this and if they do its only for the first few months and the choice is to do it now with nursery or in a couple of years when they start school.

• Deal with the stress of being out the house and having all the jobs and life admin to do on your very limited days off

While everyone is out of the house it stays clean and tidy so the housework is more contained to just clearing up as you go in the evenings. I've never really been able to understand what everyone means when they say 'life admin'. Most everything financial is direct debits and auto renewal, food shopping can be done either in person in the evening or online on a lunch break, making appts at GP/dentist is generally infrequent and can be done on Bluetooth on the journey to work or during a lunch break. I would find it really hard to write a list of admin activities done on a regular daily or weekly basis that takes up more than a few minutes a week.

• Leave (trust!) your baby with people you don’t really know for such extensive periods of time

This one is hard but if you find the right childcare then you will feel comfortable with it.

You haven't mentioned

  • maintaining your career so that you have continuity of employment, pension contributions, continued progression
  • financial independence in the event of a relationship breakdown
  • adult interaction and having something for yourself outside of the house and family.
  • sharing of the household tasks/life admin/nursery drop offs and pick ups with your partner
  • options to compress hours or go part time to reduce childcare needs

I’ve mentioned all of the last points, just said I can see why people don’t x

OP posts:
CelesteCunningham · 15/05/2024 21:15

Agree with @QforCucumber btw - we both work Monday-Friday and the DC have been in nursery five days since ten months. It's fine. Not easy, but fine. Don't worry about not seeing them etc.

Peonies12 · 15/05/2024 21:16

Can you both compress hours to save on at least one day a week? if you both stayed full time but worked 10 days in 9, and alternately have the same day off each week. personally think it’s worth it for the other benefits like pension contributions, career progression, financial protection if relationship breaks down. I do it for my sanity as well 😃

allthevitamins · 15/05/2024 21:18

Like all things, there is balance, and juggling.

You never get those years back indeed. When my DC were tiny there weren't in nursery full time, but they were there a lot. I don't really feel I missed out? I managed some baby groups, park trips, swimming etc. We had lovely weekends. I hated the hours between 4 and 6pm whether it was a working day for me or not.

My DC are older now, and have different needs. I also love spending time with them now... they're funny, they know stuff, they can pretty much look after themselves. I'm glad I maintained my career at least when they were tiny as it's paying off now too.

Every family is different. But as a woman, be careful of the financial and professional toll that having young children can take if all of the costs and/or time of childcare sit with you.

Children are a joint endeavour and the childcare stage is just one of many in their lives.

allthevitamins · 15/05/2024 21:19

Oh and also beware of compressed hours.... you have to work long, inflexible days... it's absolutely exhausting and your 'day off' is a long day of solo childcare.

Cbljgdpk · 15/05/2024 21:22

I don’t agree about the whole household being unwell; DC definitely were ill quite a bit after starting childcare but that will happen at whatever stage they start and I only get the old cold from them.
Also you haven’t considered that you can get 20% of that back through tax free childcare so it’s actually £1440 however in answer to your question I wouldn’t work if I was only earning £200 after childcare. We partly used a childminder for cheaper childcare and other plus sides.

FirstFallopians · 15/05/2024 21:23

Depends what way you look at it.

When our childcare bill was £1200 per month, DH paid £800 and I paid £400 into the joint account to cover it. This was proportional to our incomes.

It meant work was still “worth it” to me, I resumed my pension contributions and had a bit of money to call my own each month.