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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

It’s a colleague one

6 replies

AStepAtaTime · 15/05/2024 20:00

I need some advice on how to deal with a colleague. This person (let’s call her Chloe) is always calling me out in meetings, or challenging me when I speak - for example I’ll say something and she’ll say “Is that a fact Step?” I mentioned once that I don’t talk much in online meetings and prefer face-to-face meetings; her response was “she does talk in online meetings.” She. Almost as though I wasn’t there in the fucking room??!!

I catch her smirking with her work colleague when I speak in online meetings - they sort of smile wryly at one another as though I’m a circus act. It’s pretty obvious they don’t like me. And the thing is, I’m not an antagonistic person. I do my job, I’m articulate and calm and I get things done. I don’t ever “bite” and I treat others with respect.

I find her quite aggressive actually. I had suggested something for the team away day which everybody was happy with - our manager had even booked a table at the pub. Then, today, the manager sends round a message to the team saying that he and Chloe had discussed some of the food options and decided they were too expensive and therefore Chloe had kindly booked a table elsewhere. At a venue of her choosing. Fine.

I messaged Chloe to find out whether the activity we had planned was still going ahead beforehand (again an activity that I had planned and suggested and the team were all up for it) - she replied;

“Sorry we won’t be doing (the activity). We probably will do something but we’ll see what the team want first.”

I just replied with a thumbs up 👍 and left it at that. But the reality is she’s totally changed the whole day and overridden the plans that were made based on my suggestions - and just to be clear, at the time of planning, she did not come forward with any of her own suggestions and the team away day is on Friday - so I do find it odd how she’s jumped in at the last minute, had a chat with the boss and basically scrubbed my plans! Which everyone was really up for! Anyway, it’s just the latest in a long catalogue of weird behaviour from her that feels to me totally targeted as she doesn’t behave this way with anyone else!

Am I imagining things? How do I deal with this? Luckily we don’t work on the same work-streams so our paths don’t cross directly too often. I would appreciate your advice.

OP posts:
NotJohnMajor · 15/05/2024 20:10

Does Chloe's point about the food at the pub being expensive have any basis in fact? There are usually some cheaper options on a pub menu, unless it's a gastro pub or in the middle of a tourist area?

Footzok · 15/05/2024 20:20

Are you a threat to her? She sounds like she hates you and tries to undermine you at every step.

Try to steer well clear and let her get on with it, while continuing to work hard and make positive contributions. Most people will see her for what she is especially if you don’t react. Dont be afraid to challenge her when she’s wrong though.

Pixilicious1 · 15/05/2024 20:20

Talk to your boss. These are things he/she may not be aware of but need bringing to their attention. These are the types of behaviours that need to be nipped in the bud as they can totally fracture a team.

AStepAtaTime · 15/05/2024 20:24

@Footzok

Try to steer well clear and let her get on with it, while continuing to work hard and make positive contributions.

This is good advice. Avoid and continue to deliver operationally

OP posts:
DoreenonTill8 · 15/05/2024 20:29

Footzok · 15/05/2024 20:20

Are you a threat to her? She sounds like she hates you and tries to undermine you at every step.

Try to steer well clear and let her get on with it, while continuing to work hard and make positive contributions. Most people will see her for what she is especially if you don’t react. Dont be afraid to challenge her when she’s wrong though.

This, she'll slip up by ramping it up to get a reaction from you, leave her to it!

StormingNorman · 15/05/2024 20:34

She sounds like hell on earth. You need to leave or let HR know there is some low level workplace bullying going on and you’ll be keeping an eye on it. Then start recording every incident and update them if it escalates.

This girl wants to make your life unpleasant; she has no good intentions.

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