House or career, career or house?!

[IceQueenoftheWest]

What's more important? A forever home or a fulfilling career?

Had a shitty, disrupted childhood, moved around a lot so my mum could follow her own passions, relationships and so on. Spent most of my adult life looking for my forever 'home' and finally found it after about 30 moves, at least, in 2022. I love it but it needs work.

But we had to get a mortgage and to pay for it I'm now tied to a public sector job that varies between awful and mediocre, dysfunctional, toxic, pointless department, organisation has no direction or strategy (quango type) and doesn't suit my personality or goals.

However - I have lots of experience hence fairly well paid, it's not really too taxing and I have been able to go down to 4 days a week.

I can't afford to give this up and keep the house, husband's salary won't cover it all. I definitely can't give it up if we ever want to correct the various DIY bodges the previous owner did over the last 40 years.

But my heart yearns to do something I really love, creative and with purpose. Mid 40s now so running out of time. I know what career area i'd like to move into but will involve a 60 - 80% pay cut.

I really don't want a lodger as sharing my home will spoil it. There's a possibility of creating a rental space above a garage but that will involve even more debt, however the income would cover it so long as it's always rented.

It's driving me nuts, every day doing a job I hate to stay in a home I love!

How would you choose or move forward?

AIBU to want both?

Thank you

Can't you get a better job in the well-paid area you currently work in?

Maybe, but will mean spending even more time in it and I hate the sector not just the job (I'm in marketing and comms)

Look for middle ground and retrain in a role that you won’t hate and view the other idea as a hobby?

Work doing what you like on the fifth working day?

I would keep your job, in this economy I'd be very wary of taking paycuts.

Could you retrain in the area you would like and start it as a side business?

I’m in government comms too, could you consider a sideways move into government services doing briefings, correspondence, freedom of information act requests?

There's a lot of moving between LA and NHS comms teams and the roles are similarly (well) paid. Might be a good move? Are you NHS or LA at the moment?

Yes I hear you on this, lots in my team and organsiation have just been laid off too. I guess this is a slower but perhaps more realistic way of doing it. 😊

Is it really an either / or? The public sector seems rife with toxic behaviour, poor performance and management, pointless targets etc - you’d likely find that moving out of it, perhaps taking a step down or a side step (and yet very likely increasing your pay) would be a lot more fulfilling.

I wouldn’t spend most of my week being miserable and my weekends dreading the upcoming week for the sake of a house, though. You can build a home wherever you go, it isn’t something you can only have in one fixed location.

@WishIMite I'm NHS - ICB. TBH I'm not up for any public sector crap any more, in my area of work it's just a waste of public funds and if my whole team upped and walked out tomorrow I don't think anyone would notice.

Maybe but I don't really want to work anywhere near the NHS, it's soul destroying.

@ComtesseDeSpair you are 100% on the money.

But my heart yearns to do something I really love, creative and with purpose. Mid 40s now so running out of time. I know what career area i'd like to move into but will involve a 60 - 80% pay cut.

I did exactly this when I was 50. Had just had enough for my career and burned to work in a field I'd had as a hobby all my life.

Sold up. Downsized everything from car to house to wardrobe. Retrained. Started my own business in my new field where I didn't work all day, all week or all year, but did work doing a job I love for clients who were so lovely they've become friends.

I'm 60 now , live on peanuts, do a little bit of work to make ends meet but am pretty much retired. I have never been poorer or happier. If I was to change things, I would want less not more. Now I find material things a burden. The work needed on your forever home is feeling like a burden to you - so is your job - what's in it for you to stay?

The concept of a 'forever home' is a bit of a trap. Home is what you make it, where you make it. Nobody can predict what will happen to them or what they'll want tomorrow, let alone forever. You are only mid 40s - you have many years ahead of you if you are lucky so make them what you want. Be happy and be lucky.

How does your DH feel about you taking a potential 80% pay cut?

@Churchview 🤗 That is lovely. I am so pleased it worked out for you. It sounds scary tho!

I wouldn’t jump from having a good paying job to taking an 80% pay cut. I feel that things like this has to be done gradually. You already work 4 days a week so maybe drop it down to 3 days and spend the other 2 days working on your passion and building it up.
I feel that if you just quit your job and go for this in a whim, you could end up swapping the stress of the job with financial stress and I’m not just saying this because of the house, times are quite unpredictable

@Josette77 he will support whatever I want to do if it makes me happy, as I will do for him.

It wasn't as scary as the thought of staying in a job I hated to pay a mortgage for the next 17 years. Once I'd taken the leap I was soaring not falling.

Have you considered moving to the private sector?

Higher wages, sometimes stock options etc - you could make a 5 or 10 year plan to make as much money as possible, before making the big change. And you might just find the work and corporate culture a refreshing change to the public sector?

OP I could have written your post - also in public sector feeling the same way as you. The difference for me was that senior management were actively looking to overload me with work which had been previously mismanaged so setting me up to fail. No advice really (I have resigned and am working my notice) other than don't necessarily think private sector is worse as that's not necessarily true and it sounds like you have valuable skills and knowledge which would mean you would flourish.

@RoseUnder It would still be doing the same type of job, albeit possibly treated a bit better. I want to leave marcomms entirely, I don't believe in the industry, the digitisation, I hate social media and think it's mostly pure evil!

@hammyhamster72 Sorry it's such a shit business, I hope you find something amazing for the next chapter of your life x

I don't always love my career and I do ponder doing something else, less demanding and stressful, but I wouldn't give up my home. I love it and it's an important part of who I am and my lifestyle outside of work.

I was originally with you OP with the house - thinking your environment is hugely important, happiness being everything, however i agree with this poster.

Don't ever put yourself in a position that impacts your mental health in order to achieve a possession. You can find another piece of happiness, another place to live - it may not be as big or in that area, but if your head is happier - then the place will be happier.

Empathise with you - hated my job but felt trapped and while I applied for other stuff I didn't get it and was way worse paid. I have managed to rejig some of work tasks and focus on a different area which I am enjoying a lot more. But still downsizing so I know that I don't need to do the job for much longer as can pay the new smaller mortgage down much quicker. How long will your mortgage take to pay off? Can you compromise on working hard now to pay off a lot while putting into place your plan to move into a more satisfying job?

Difficult one @IceQueenoftheWest

I worked for many years in the public sector ( Civil Service). I moved around within that, so had different roles over the years basically 'specialised' admin. Some of them I enjoyed, some I hated. But I was good at my job and was reasonably well-paid, was a single parent with 2 kids and a mortgage and did feel trapped as I couldn't afford to move elsewhere altogether with a drop in pay.

The only consolation then, was that it came with a very good pension scheme. Although that pension scheme was closed a long time ago to new members, I was able to stay on that one. I realise that for most people these days, that wouldn't be an option, but for me, it is now that I am retired that I do feel it was worth staying put

Only you can decide what is the overall best thing for you to do - but an 80% reduction in pay, is a lot of money and financial worries can be very difficult to cope with