To ask for child's visitation to be lowered.

[strawberrypuds]

Hi,

I know straight off this sounds like a yes I am, but I'm honestly at my wits end and don't know any other solution.

My DC is 2.5 and currently sees dad from Fri 12pm-Sat 7pm and Tues 1-6. About 6 weeks ago it use to be Sat 8am- Sunday 9am but dad wanting this changed and it was agreed as he wanted to pick her up from nursery.

The issue I'm having is DD is so upset still by these changes. She's getting so upset going into nursery on a Friday morning (is fine on the other days when she knows it's me picking her up). She's saying a lot that she doesn't want to go as she misses me. Whenever I ask if she's had a good time she just says 'I cried as I wanted mummy'. She also has eczema and hadn't had a flare up for a good 6 months- this has now flared up and no matter what I'm using it's not helping much, I've been back and forth to the docs with her and the doc said they think it's possibly stress related now. Her skin is so bad she's not sleeping properly as she's waking in the night for up to 2 hours itching.
I've also noticed whenever I pick her up for that evening and into the next morning she's stuttering really badly but this then goes. She asks every morning where she's going it's like she just doesn't have a clue where she'll be and it's horrible.

We have mediation again in a few weeks. AIBU to say that the time either needs to go back to the Saturdays or if he refuses this then to every other weekend? People have been saying 'don't worry she'll get use to it' this has been a year now and if anything the older she's getting the worse she's getting. I just don't know what to do.

Can you not do joint pick ups and see if child is better when both of you are there? Otherwise i dont think its unreasonable to put the child first.

Is your DD able to articulate why she doesn't like going to Daddy's house? Maybe there's something going on there or a particular reason she doesn't like it that could be resolved.

I cant imagine that would work? Child is not going to want to see mum leave.

How are you and ex together? Are you able to be civil for your daughter and do you feel safe around him?

If it wa sme my solution would be if he wants to pick her up from nursery could he perhaps pick her up and being her to your house stay for a bit then leave. Then build up to him picking her up and taking her out for tea/park and back to yours. Then to taking her to his?

So its gradual and shes eased into it. Its important she has time with her dad. But seems like the lwngthy time away is too much for her straight off.

Also is fridays the only option? My DD is always bad on a friday as overtired from a week of nursery. Would he perhaps be better having her a sunday and dropping off to nursery instead? Or a night in the week?

Consistency is really important for a child's sense of security and well-being, and the previous arrangement sounded more predictable for a young child, with being consistently picked up by the same person, and having visits once a week on weekends. Also, it is pretty widely understood that transitions between houses are hard for children, so fewer transitions = less stress. Your daughter now has four transitions rather than two to manage each week, which is significant at her age.

The symptoms of stress she is exhibiting are very concerning, so of course you can advocate for what you think is best for your child, and you may consider asking your GP for a referral for further support for her stress.

Surely dad will be concerned about these stress responses and want his child's well-being to be the priority for her visitation arrangements.

I would cut it right back. Have a week off visits then gradually rebuild it over a few weeks and see what happens

That's a big jump in hours from 13 hours at a weekend Sat 8am - Sun 9am
to 24 hours
Fri 12noon - Sat 7pm 19 hours and Tues 1pm-6pm - 5 hours

He won't even pick her up from my house so him coming here wouldn't work and I'll be honest I don't want him in my house, I'm more than happy for him to collect from here but not come in.
The problem is we get on great until I say something he doesn't like and then he kicks off and goes down the 'your alienating her from me' ect.
All she says is she doesn't like it as I'm not there.
Yes the step up in hours is massive and she will have a week off soon as I'm taking her on holiday for a week so dread yo think what will happen when we get back.
In regards to GP I'm wondering if to ask for a letter or even just her records showing they've confirmed they believe it's stress related as he will just argue that she's fine when there and I have no proof she's if she is or isn't.
With consistency it feels like as soon as she starts getting part use to something he wants more. I feel like maybe I need to just stop giving in so much and start saying no but it's so hard when mediators just make you feel unreasonable- not all children are the same and I don't think they always understand that.