Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Kids birthday

48 replies

ivise · 15/05/2024 08:39

Hi , so my cousins daughter has a birthday, every year we go to hers as a family , our daughters loves to play , anyways this year she hasn't really said anything . All she mentioned is that she will take her daughter to MacDonald after school. She knows that every year they have it together at home , this year she seemed so unbothered, we haven't really got invite but I am bit upset for my daughter as why wouldn't u want to create fun memory for kids . My daughter will probably want to eat after nursery and I don't really want to go and sit there and for her to ask food if it isn't offered , so now I don't really know if I should go and also she hasn't really said to come or not .

OP posts:

FunLurker · 15/05/2024 09:06

I personally think your daughter isn't included. Maybe she's doing something with her daughters friend from school, doesn't mean she doesn't want your dd but maybe her dd wants to do something with her friend. Whats the age gap? How often do you and cousin meet up? Also your dd doesn't need to know about the birthday, she won't remember

Wendysfriend · 15/05/2024 09:07

ivise · 15/05/2024 08:58

@Wendysfriend I am more confused whenever I should come or not as she hasn't really mentioned it . I don't really want to like go and keep asking what I should do for her daughter party , I feel like if she wanted she will tell me x

As you all normally spend this time together every year, it's one of two things, 1 . She is assuming that you are going and don't need an invite or 2. You're not invited.

As kids grow things change, I get this is something you all do and it's nearly a tradition. The only way to find out is to ask her straight out, you can word it like "are we doing our usual birthday treat to McDonald's or would you prefer to spend it differently".

CelesteCunningham · 15/05/2024 09:07

You're hugely overthinking this OP. Plans change every year with birthdays, especially around this age - I'm assuming the cousin is early school aged? Just tell your DD that cousin isn't doing anything for her birthday this year, and arrange to meet up to give her a present (if you want) the week after or whenever is convenient.

For whatever reason, they don't want to include a nursery aged cousin in the celebrations for a primary school aged child, which is an absolutely fine.

Lots of other ways to make memories, it doesn't have to be birthday based.

NerrSnerr · 15/05/2024 09:07

ivise · 15/05/2024 09:04

@WindowViper oh sorry that I want my family to keep close and make memories on special days , didnt know that is called whinging

You can stay close with your family (if that's what your cousin wants), just invite her on a play date on another day.

CatamaranViper · 15/05/2024 09:08

Just ask when you can come round to see her dd for her birthday and drop the present off. You don't need a hand written invitation.
Seemingly you happily pop round to see each other all the time so why are you acting so weird about doing it close to her birthday?

Sunshineclouds11 · 15/05/2024 09:10

Why don't you just ask her to do something together?

Original poster

ivise · 15/05/2024 09:10

@FunLurker no she normally separate this things and throws school party on different days , this is just closest family . We normally come over and she does same for to us , almost like tradition but it's fine if she doesn't fancy this year .
And our daughters meet up regularly, they 4 and 5 ,they love playing together . I just wanted to keep those close family memories together but I guess I might be wrong .

OP posts:

Muffin101 · 15/05/2024 09:11

OP, why don’t you just ask her to do something?! How are you making this so hard? Stop being so weirdly passive aggressive and just send a text for goodness sake.

mondaytosunday · 15/05/2024 09:13

Why can't you just call her and ask? Literally, just say 'would you like me to bring DD around to celebrate your kids birthday as usual'? I mean if you see each other a lot surely you can just ask? All she can say is yes or no she's planning on doing it differently this year. Your kid will have plenty of 'memories' regardless.

CelesteCunningham · 15/05/2024 09:14

I just wanted to keep those close family memories together but I guess I might be wrong .

Be careful here, this this veering into emotional manipulation so don't say anything like that to her or you'll only push her further away.

Maybe she just wants some time with her daughter to herself without the distraction of other DC. That's fair enough. I'm sure you'll see her some other time.

This is indicative of nothing more than a desire to go to McDonald's with her DD, nothing more. Don't make it into an issue.

ineedtostopbeingdramaticfirst · 15/05/2024 09:14

Do they see each other regularly apart from that?

I'd probably message and say when's a good time to drop gifts off?

And see how she responds

BobbyBiscuits · 15/05/2024 09:14

Mumbling about McDonald's and mentioning her bfs mum, it would seem it's a smaller event this year. She wasn't inviting you so don't go. Just invite her and kid to yours and say you want to give a card and gift. Then if you daughter wants you could get a small cake and candles for a late birthday for cousin?
If she refuses the invite just drop them round her house. It could be something to do with her partner though. Is there any sign he's making her withdraw from friends and socialising etc?

Ellie1015 · 15/05/2024 09:16

Things change, try not to get too uspet about it. Realisically your dd can only remember one or two of these birthday's and she will be much more resilient than you think.

Are you are buying a gift for cousin's dd so why not suggest going to park or a cafe for cake and to pass over present?

CatamaranViper · 15/05/2024 09:18

You're coming across so guilt trippy here.
Things like not wanting to miss out on memories, just wanting to keep the family close but guess I'm wrong etc.
Just stop. There's one occasion where you aren't sure. The family isn't falling apart because you haven't been invited to McDonald's. Your kids are suddenly going to become strangers.
Just organise a time to see them.

Overthebow · 15/05/2024 09:20

ivise · 15/05/2024 09:10

It’s not your or your DCs birthday though, it’s hers. You can do what you would like for yours, but maybe she doesn’t want to to do the same for her DCs. Maybe her DC wants to invite a school friend, or just go with her mum.

Ereyraa · 15/05/2024 09:21

It could be something to do with her partner though. Is there any sign he's making her withdraw from friends and socialising etc?

Classic MN.

millennialprobs · 15/05/2024 09:29

You can say "aww that'll be nice. Let me know when you guys are back so we can drop off the present and card☺️"
She might invite you, or she might just want some time alone with her kid on her birthday, but I'm sure she won't begrudge you dropping a card and present off

SleepingStandingUp · 15/05/2024 10:20

Just ask!

Presumably you need to drop the child's present and card off anyway, and you see each other all the time so just say "when shall I bring the card and present over?"

Roundroundthegarden · 15/05/2024 10:27

I think if she wants you to come she would have said it. So don't ask her. Her mil will be there so maybe the Mil wants to be with just her gc?

TeenDivided · 15/05/2024 10:36

Sounds like her DD is at school and yours is still at nursery.
Things change when you start school, especially birthday parties.
They are probably doing something with a school friend.

toomuchfaff · 15/05/2024 11:25

ivise · 15/05/2024 08:53

@QuiltedHippo I know she doesn't own me a party and I am not waiting for one . But it's only 2 kids and they always together at family gathering birthdays not a party . I am more upset that she doesn't consider my daughter . What shall I tell my daughter . I feel like it's nice to keep close and make memories x

I am more upset that she doesn't consider my daughter .

She doesn't have to consider your daughter? She considers her own, if yours gets upset - then its up to you to teach her she isn't entitled to go anywhere, or have anything (whatever it is she is upset about). You manage your own child - your cousin manages her child...

Hotttchoc · 15/05/2024 11:41

I'm not sure I understand. Your cousin usually has a party for her daughter and invites your child. This year there is no party and they are going with another friend to McDonald's. They haven't invited you - is that right? If you want to spend time together why not just drop off a card and gift as PPs said and make a plan to do something together another time. It doesn't have to be a birthday thing, just go out for lunch. Not everyone has a party every year and they shouldn't feel pressured to do so.

TeenLifeMum · 15/05/2024 11:47

I’m a bit confused but I think you’re massively over thinking this. Just ask, hey are you doing a family thing for cousin’s birthday this year? We’ve got a gift and card so if not we’ll need to plan the best time for us to pop over with them.

Sorted. just have a conversation! At age 4 the parents are totally allowed to change what they do for dc birthday. I think it’s weird to expect the same every year.

Flip

1 2