To think relationships take work?

[Halloeeee]

Been together 6 years, we have 2.5 yo and 5mo. due to get married this year, have a mortgage and a dog.

We’ve really struggled I’d say sinc e our first. We got back to a good place then I had to terminate a pregnancy for personal reasons which I know my fiance resents me for (it was his baby too).

I feel like he hates me like I live with someone who hates me. He resents me I can see it

We conflict on parenting styles , he’s so strict and I’m more of a gentle touch. Our son gets in our bed because he asks for me and wakes, my fiance thinks I should leave him to cry and he’d go back asleep? I think this I absurd

anyway, he says things to me and says he’d just be marrying me for the kids. I’m making him deeply unhappy. I piss him off? But tbh it doesn’t take much. He snaps at everyone. He won’t speak to a therapist because “they don’t know what they’re fucking doing”

But he constantly throws splitting up and cancelling a wedding in my face - yet has booked his stag?

I’ve asked could we work on things. He says he doesn’t know how it’s not worth it

He says “how can I work on it” I’ve explained to him, then he just says he doesn’t know if I’m worth it

i said any relationship you’d be in would require work and he said he’d just die alone then?

we’ve both lost our sex drives. I think he forgets we have 2 young kids which demand a lot. We have jobs(I am on mat leave) a house to run erc

its a lot. But he just wants to quit

Do not marry - this sounds awful, and I dont think there is anything here to work on or save - start planning your life alone, and get out as soon as you can. x

Relationships do take work

Which is why you need to put your effort in where it's worthwhile

And this controlling a hole isn't where your efforts should be.

If you marry him, it will very likely get worse.

I don't actually think good relationships take much work, but this isn't a good relationship- he's nasty to you, tells you he doesn't like you. Stop holding onto something that's no good for you and take some steps to end it

It's better for your kids to split while they're younger. Then it will be their normal.

Please don't marry this man. He sounds abusive.

Is there anything nice about him?

Why are you getting married?

Don't get married. FGS don't get married.

he hates me
He resents me
We conflict on parenting styles (not a good start)
-my fiance thinks I should leave him to cry and he’d go back asleep
he says things to me and says he’d just be marrying me for the kids.
I’m making him deeply unhappy
I piss him off (anger issues)
He snaps at everyone. (anger issues)
He won’t speak to a therapist because “they don’t know what they’re fucking doing” (sounds like a lovely guy)
But he constantly throws splitting up and cancelling a wedding in my face (manipulation)
- yet has booked his stag? (self absorbed)
He says he doesn’t know how it’s not worth it
he just says he doesn’t know if I’m worth it
he’d just die alone then (manipulation)
we’ve both lost our sex drives.

Why marry a man like this? Are you serious? Raise your bar.

The marriage is meant to be the beginning, the happiest bit, the bit where you are in love. The bit that doesn't seem like work. It isn't work when both of you are present, when both of you are adults who don't use manipulation and nastiness to get what you want.

Don't marry this man. Walk away