Hot country, dreading mat leave

[Sunshine45688]

DH and I originally from the UK. We were going to hand in our notices at work and move home when we found out I was pregnant as we were already bored of this place. We decided to stay as medical care is very good and finances made sense.

When I give birth, we will be at the start of hurricane season. It's already too hot to be outside for more than 5 minutes (Carribean island). Going to the beach is great but you have to leave by 9am, it's so hot. There are no parks, shopping malls (like Dubai where I guess you could at least walk around a mall for a change of scenery), and it's full of mosquitoes May - November. I will literally be stuck inside the house 24/7 and completely alone 9-5. By the time baby is old enough to travel, I have to go back to work (12 weeks mat leave). I can't quit my job, my health insurance depends on it and the cost of living here is crazy expensive. I have cried so much at this situation, I need a hand hold and some tips. Maybe I'm catastrophizing and pregnancy hormones are not helping.

I am not a homely person. I hate sitting at home. I like to be out and about, being active, walking around, going to museums, seeing friends. Cities are my happy place. Pre-pregnancy at least I could go diving, have a drink and travel lots. This pregnancy has been hard enough but now it's dawned on me what mat leave will be like, I can't bear the thought of it.

No one I know feels like this here. Everyone is like "yeah but you get to have a pool and cheap childcare when you get back to work and live in a house whereas you'd be living in a small flat in London." I'd take the small flat in London any day. Fuck this shit. I've never felt this bored and alone in my entire life.

What does DH think?

@loropianalover DH agrees, he hates this place more day by day but thinks I'll be too busy recovering from my C section and our world will be so upside down with the new baby, that we'd barely make it out of the house anyway.

We are 100% moving back to the UK next year and are taking steps to this effect already. But I need to somehow retain my sanity and find a way to enjoy my mat leave a bit. I'm looking for some tips, a hand hold, or even a harsh talking to to tell me I'm being ridiculous.

Don't understand why you're staying unless it's because UK healthcare is shite. Which is a valid reason but perhaps doesn't outweigh all the other things. Is it too late to move back? Are there no other mums and babies living where you are that you could make friends with? Guess possibly not if everyone returns to work at 12 weeks... But yes that's quite short and you'll be busy so if it's just the 12 weeks you're worried about it will probably go quite fast

Sorry to hear all of this OP but I’m glad you and DH are mostly on same page at least.

Is it possible to make plans to move home after your mat leave? That might give you something to look forward to. Would you be planning to return to UK anyway before child starts nursery/school?

In the interim, is there a nurse or midwife or anyone you can speak to about local supports or groups for new mums? Is there classes, meet ups? Any Facebook groups even? You’ll be wrecked with new baby but some weekly options to get you out of the house would be nice.

EDIT: sorry - just saw your update re. moving back, great! You know the move is coming OP, all you can do is sit back and wait it out. DH is right to a point that some of the time will just be a blur of recovering, trying to get sleep, trying to eat, trying to shower. It will be hard but amazing. Get stuck into some new shows or podcasts, some minor decluttering, yoga, anything calm and easygoing.

Why wait until next year? Get job hunting so you can both go home ASAP.

Mat leave is only 12 weeks of your whole life with your child, you’ll have plenty of time to do fun stuff.

Have you got any family or friends visiting? That should pass a few weeks.

Also what does everyone else who lives there and has babies do? They can't all just stay in their house for 12 weeks?!

Can you get a friend or family member to stay for a few weeks? Sort of holiday slash help you out a bit?

@PrincessTeaSet the healthcare here, especially maternity, is amazing. We had a hard time conceiving, had given up actually, and didn't realize i was pregnant until 10 weeks. I have a 3 months notice period at work, plus we would need to sell the house etc, it was too much of an undertaking at that time and we would have moved back to the UK when I would be 7 months or so along already.

Staying made logical sense. It still does. I am just so bored and lonely, my mental health is taking a dive.

I would say, as someone who was very active and sociable before babies, would go out somewhere every evening, fill the weekend with activities, work long hours etc, that after having a baby the wish to do all this stuff vanished for quite a while. Young babies are constantly needing something and then you will want to sleep. It's nice if you can get out for a few walks, have a few adult conversations, but you may be quite content to stay home for a few weeks at least. It possibly won't feel as claustrophobic as you imagine. I think I didn't really start to do regular activities until about the 3 month mark with my first.

@TwoTimesShoeShop vast majority of couples have a stay at home parent. It's unusual to have 2 working parents.

From.speaking to people, everyone is just so happy to make so much money (tax haven) and have an easy life. We moved here for the adventure and it was great for a short while. The boring expat life is just not for me. Also, everyone goes to the UK in the summer for 6-8 weeks, the island population just halves. People work remotely then.

It's bad timing that I am having my baby straight in the middle of summer.

Well in that case having the healthcare is a major plus. It's seriously shoddy here. Many people dying as a result

I'd focus on the plans to return to the UK at this stage, will give you something to hold onto. Three months of mat leave is really no time at all, you might want to think about handing in your notice asap once the baby is born.

Will you have your mum stay when the baby's born? That could be nice (depending on your relationship). You'll be ok.

@Elektra1 @PrincessTeaSet our parents had us very young, they are still in their 50s and working so they will come down but can only stay for a few weeks.

Thank you for the replies everyone, it feels good to at least not feel crazy for thinking this way.

Yep it's so easy to get a new job whilst pregnant! 🙄

Op you will need to spend time recovering after a csec.
Your baby will keep you busy.
12 weeks will fly by.
Congratulations on your pregnancy 😊

I assume you have air con in your house ?

when the baby is very young (as in a few week) there’s a lot of sitting around that can be done while they sleep on you! I loved this bit.

Moving from a familiar place to a new one requires a lengthy adjustment period, and encountering childbirth during this process can make it even more challenging. It's truly distressing, especially considering how women often experience postpartum depression within the first year after giving birth—a time when they may feel isolated, unable to go out, and lacking in friends. It's an incredibly painful journey. I believe relocating back to London could significantly improve your emotional well-being, which is paramount above all else.

@Sunshine45688 - I wondered how you are getting on? I came across your post as I have similar situation and the same anxieties! Due to give birth June 2025 and it would be in Bermuda (partner currently working there, we’ve been doing long distance but I’d go for mat leave before we then move back). I am dreading the idea of being cooped up in tiny cottage when it’s too hot and humid to go out (I already really struggle in the heat), and no pavements so can’t walk a pram anyway. I can imagine and feel really good about a mat leave in London but envisage just being lonely and low doing the same in Bermuda. My mat leave would be a year… My partner loves it so that’s another point of tension.. Really hope things worked out for you. I’m considering whether I give birth here then go out at 6 weeks or so but then partner wouldn’t be able to join me for all and could miss birth, or plan on coming back for a bit when the baby is 2 months old to get out the heat.

@Onelifeonly22 pretty much as expected. I couldn't go for a walk with the baby for the first 2 months of his life. It was too hot and full of mosquitoes. We tried a few times and he got really uncomfortable very quickly. I went on walks on my own when DH came home from work. Our only outings are to various mum coffee groups/post natal pilates etc. Which is very hard as you have to drive there, pack the car etc.

Other mums are split 50/50 in how they feel about it. Some really hate it for the same reasons. Some love it because it affords them a good lifestyle and they're homebodies anyway. Everyone feels pretty lonely being so far from family.

It's especially frustrating when you have a screaming baby or you're feeling low and the advice online is "go for a walk". You can't.

The weather is getting better though which is nice, especially as it's getting horrible in the UK.

Being on our own has meant that DH is very hands on and has an absolutely wonderful bond with our baby. I would not trade this for anything in the world.

My medical care has been absolutely excellent and I am horrified at how little my friends in the UK get in comparison. My birth was wonderful and calm. I had my own obgyn, paediatrician and anaesthetist at the birth and also a midwife and lactation consultant who visited me at home for the first 2 weeks. Our own private room in hospital. I had appointments with my obgyn every 2 weeks in my third trimester. Dr and physio checks at 6 weeks after birth just to check how I am doing and advice on breathing exercises, getting back to fitness etc.

Giving birth on the NHS in comparison sounds like a nightmare.

What do the other mums of newborns do? Groups? Indoor swimming pools? Cafes?

@Makingchocolatecake see above, they just don't leave the house. Most of the mums I have gotten to know did not leave the house for the first few months except for Dr appointments etc. There isn't the infrastructure you have in the UK either. There are no galleries, museums, not even soft play. You go to the beach when baby is much older.

Invite them over?