Any tips on dealing with what ifs and if onlys that are plaguing my tired shrivelled brain? I suppose it's a form of rumination?
It can come and go, but at the moment is particularly strong In all the go to areas:
What if I'd married a different person? If only I lived somewhere else! If only I'd had my last child earlier in life!
All shit that I can't do anything about - can't go back in time, can't change my husband without enormous disruption (plus it's not bad, he's not bad - it just feels..... flat), can't move (jobs completely tied to where we live now)....
I feel trapped in a life of my own making and not sure what if anything I can do about it now.
And the maddening thing about it - while it's not what I had imagined it would be, my life is objectively FINE, good even .... So why is my brain constantly throwing 'oh but if you had done xyz then you would be happier now' shit at me. I can actually feel quite panicked at how trapped I feel.....