I don’t like my friend’s fiancé - what can I say to her

[Ncadviceplease]

My friend has recently got engaged to a man she’s been with for about a year. Everything moved very quickly and he swept her off her feet.

I do not like him and one of our other friends has quietly told me the same. Her words were ‘he just doesn’t seem like a nice person’. He’s quick to put others down - ie if someone is moving somewhere, it’s awful and he would never want to live there. But he’s really nice to my friend.

I cannot explain why but I feel really worried about him, like he’s going to turn out to be abusive and hurt her and she will be too proud to say.

Is there some sort of way I can let her know that I will always be there to listen and help if she needs without making it clear I don’t like her fiancé?

He really hasn’t done anything wrong but I just have a very strong feeling he’s bad and when our other friend mentioned it (both our husbands agreed) it’s made me more worried and less like it’s just me not thinking anyone is good enough for her.

Also if she has more assets than him encourage her to get a pre nup - state you think it's very normal and it'd be so weird if someone had an objection, talk about how all your friends do it etc

I think she might be going out with my ex btw

Agree eith pp: my oldest friend 's husband is a possessive POS but I kept quiet when I first met him and even all the way through to when I was her MOH at her wedding. I'll be there for her when it all ends in tears, as I know it will one day. I only hear about her kids now, never the "D"h which speaks volumes.

Say nothing - he’s not your choice, and it’s not your decision.

OP, it's a very tricky situation!!! I'll say from my experience, my at the time best friend got into a relationship. I didn't like the guy, I spotted many red flags. Two of our closest friends spoke to me privately also raising concerns. She cried to me few months before her wedding. I told her gently that I was worried and was dumped from being her MoH after 10 years of friendship. We didn't speak for few years. She sadly married him and is very unhappy. We've reconciled and are friendly now and I feel very sorry for her. He's a twat, like we all thought. But it's a very sensitive territory, unfortunately.

I have been where you are - and I was right. I don't think your friend will listen if you say anything. I agree with a PP that you could potentially draw attention if he says things you think are "off", but beware you could find that he starts to see you as an enemy if you do and tries to cut you out of your friend's life.
The thing you can do though is to stay close to her as the relationship develops and satisfy yourself that he is not trying to isolate her. If you think that is what is happening, please try to find ways to keep in contact with her and make sure she knows you are always there for her.
I really hope you are wrong.

Is she better off than he is? Is there a financial interest for him in marrying her?

Say nothing, she won't thank you for it, and will most certainly choose him over you.

Frame the criticisms carefully as non judgemental statement without being obviously negative so it gives her something to think on and draw her own conculsion if she sees a pattern.

For example... cor, your man, he really is a straight shooter isn't he. Telling Janice that Australia is a shitshow before she moves there when we were just talking about the sunshine! I hope it doesn't make her doubt her decision as she was feeling so positive...

If she asks you something, tell her: anyone who makes you happy is good for me. You are my friend and I always side with you.