Wibu not to have a leaving do from my job?

[Leavingasinkingship]

NC for this as not sure if colleagues are on here!

Worked at my current organisation for 15yrs. It's a job that is with the public/physically present in small teams and often stressful/upsetting, do we do tend to build close relationships with colleagues. I've worked in multiple departments, managed teams, done a lot with students/graduates so know a lot of people.

Last year or so the politics have been really bad. Won't go into details but lots of poor treatment of staff and our team by new/temporary/consultant type managers. They don't know me or my role very well, it's not personal but I've not been treated very well. I'm now in a position of having to leave because the last few posts I've been in have been 'step ups' and someone is coming back to the post I'm in. My old old role/team doesn't exist any more and while they would have to find me something equivalent it's not a route I'd want to go down.

Staff who know me and know the situation are disappointed that I'm leaving and are badgering me about a leaving do. The job we do means we don't often socialise outside work because it's not practical (shifts etc) but when someone leaves its common to do a meal/night out.

I don't have the energy to paint a smile on door a leaving do. Ironically our team has had loads of new staff start, for technical reasons I couldn't apply for those posts. New staff obviously don't know that it's not really my choice to leave. New senior managers don't know me well enough to care though they would come along and do the usual speech I'm sure.

I don't think I'd enjoy a leaving do, i couldn't have one without inviting the new staff or the unpleasant managers and I'd feel really awkward in this situation. Id have to paint a smile on and be enthusiastic about what has been quite an unpleasant workplace recently. I don't know what to say to those who are asking though, or to upset them (some are a bit fragile but not in a position to leave yet)

Wibu to quietly disappear? Am I over thinking this?

If you don’t want a leaving do, you don’t have to have one. Just explain it’s not your thing. No one can force you.
If there are some people you do care about, give it some time to settle after you’ve left and organise a smaller meal or something with them.

Yanbu at all.

I would let the few people who are genuinely your friends know that you would really hate a leaving do that the newbies who don't know you and the managers who have shat on you get to come to and pretend that you are leaving happily. Arrange to go for social drinks with them a week after your last day, making it clear that this isn't a leaving do and it's not a general invitation to anyone other than them.

There's no rules. If you don't want one don't have one.

Many reasons for not, people's schedules, holiday season, there's many an excuse and brush off you can say if asked. I didn't have a leaving do when I left my job after 7 yrs. Even if someone tales the huff, what do you care? You'll not see them again, you don't have to justify your decisions to anyone, you don't care what they think, and those you do care for you'll keep in touch with... let the Deadwood fall behind and don't stress.

I would leave quietly and then in a few weeks I'd organise a meal or drinks for the people I want there. So an unofficial leaving do.

Tbf it's not the senior managers taking the huff that I care about. It's the younger staff, people I've mentored etc - I don't want to give the impression I don't give a shit, or alternatively to give the impression that there's something 'big' going on - I'm not bitter or taking it personally, it's just an unfortunate combination of circumstances. And some staff who know what's gone are a bit upset when they've spoken to me so I feel for them (some who want to leave but it's hard because it fits with childcare etc)

I think I'll do the quiet brush off/make excuses as suggested. I don't have anything obvious to blame like childcare unfortunately, but I think I'll just run down the clock!

I will perhaps try to arrange something at a later date but my new job will involve a lot of travel so I don't know yet how practical that will be (eg to do something after work, whilst we get on I don't expect work colleagues to give up their Saturdays)

I would speak to the colleagues you like and arrange to do something just with them. Tell the organisation you don't want a leaving do

Not unreasonable at all.

I had worked at my company for decades but did not want anything done so I arranged to be off on my last couple of days and had already picked up all my personal possessions.
I sent everyone an email saying goodbye and of course people I knew outside of work I saw anyway but as for a leaving do....... no thanks.