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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Arsekissing at work

7 replies

Hinkuy · 14/05/2024 09:30

How do you deal with this?

I'm on a small team of 6, we have a person on our team who is one of those that thinks she's a deputy manager, constantly sucks up to the manager and when new members start she acts like she's the 'go to' person for support - she sends lots of 'if theres anything i can do to help please let me know' if one of the new people asks a question in the group chat and one of us replies she then also replies with likely the same reply and then says 'lets jump on a call and chat it through' etc its SO over the top and makes me cringe.

She works erratic hours and logs on late in the evening and early in the morning and claims to do loads of 'extra hours' she needs constant validation and lots of 'well done' etc.

Our manager Is very underwhelmed by it all but crucially this person has mental health issues so she just sort of let's her carry on. But it's really starting to irk me and now i can't unsee or unhear it! It's allll the time. I want to progress in this role and so I'm working hard and helping out a lot too but it's overshadowed by this person and I'm concerned senior management will be drawn into her 'show' when in reality she hasn't got the substance to back it up and does make regular mistakes. AIBU to be irked?!

OP posts:
BigBadBarri · 14/05/2024 09:31

What she does has absolutely zero impact or bearing on your work. Ignore and concentrate on yourself.

Spirallingdownwards · 14/05/2024 09:33

If she hasn't got the substance to back it up then they will see that too if you can.

She has a different personality to you. So what if she offers to help new people. Let her get on with it.

Clarinet1 · 14/05/2024 09:45

You obviously have a different style to
her but is there really anything wrong with wanting to seem helpful?
Has she been there a lot longer than the rest of the team so that she may a greater fund of knowledge and experience even though she may not have a formal status that give her seniority?
If her work is not actually up to scratch in other ways someone will pull her up at some point, possibly during whatever appraisal or review process you have.

tamade · 14/05/2024 09:56

It sounds like she is compensating for lack of ability by being helpful, it may be or may not be subconscious. Anyway teams need different kinds of people to work well and she may be filling a need with her behaviour.

Original poster
Hinkuy · 14/05/2024 10:45

Clarinet1 · 14/05/2024 09:45

You obviously have a different style to
her but is there really anything wrong with wanting to seem helpful?
Has she been there a lot longer than the rest of the team so that she may a greater fund of knowledge and experience even though she may not have a formal status that give her seniority?
If her work is not actually up to scratch in other ways someone will pull her up at some point, possibly during whatever appraisal or review process you have.

No we all started at the same time. We all offer to help and answer new colleagues questions then she bulldozes in and answers it too - as if she hasnt seen our replies - then also offers to 'jump on a call' when the situation really doesn't require it. Even the new people are starting to eye roll. It's just getting a bit silly. On a call the other day a senior manager said that whilst our manager is away he's there to help and she chipped in 'me too! If anyone needs anything I'm here' and everyone just sat in stunned silence. We couldn't figure out if she felt she had the same seniority as this manager and knowledge levels or if she was just jumping in with a 'me too' to seem keen. We're all a similar age and I actually have vast more amounts of experience but I choose to not make a big show of that but I'm starting to feel a bit over shadowed for the work I'm doing.

OP posts:
Clarinet1 · 14/05/2024 10:53

Hinkuy · 14/05/2024 10:45

No we all started at the same time. We all offer to help and answer new colleagues questions then she bulldozes in and answers it too - as if she hasnt seen our replies - then also offers to 'jump on a call' when the situation really doesn't require it. Even the new people are starting to eye roll. It's just getting a bit silly. On a call the other day a senior manager said that whilst our manager is away he's there to help and she chipped in 'me too! If anyone needs anything I'm here' and everyone just sat in stunned silence. We couldn't figure out if she felt she had the same seniority as this manager and knowledge levels or if she was just jumping in with a 'me too' to seem keen. We're all a similar age and I actually have vast more amounts of experience but I choose to not make a big show of that but I'm starting to feel a bit over shadowed for the work I'm doing.

Show quote history

Ah, I see. Well perhaps you are best off just
keeping your head down and, as I said before, sooner or later she’ll come a cropper!

Foxyaus · 14/05/2024 13:53

I have seen a similar situation, the girl became more and more erratic - coming in to work at 4am (real estate office) and just completely obsessed.
Sadly, she ended up requiring hospitalisation in a mental health facility.
The ironic part was, while the company was trying to get rid of her, they sent her as their representative at a fund-raiser for a mental health charity. 😐

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