To think only my baby doesn't sleep

[tigerlily0]

11 month old and always been a crap sleeper. Literally since birth. Took us a long time to gently sleep train and stop sleep associations, worked well but then we went on holiday and it's all gone to 💩. She's also been teething or is poorly which has made it worse and we have done a full 360.

Her day routine is fine for her age, I still give her a feed at night sometimes 2. I'm just so tired. Everyone else's baby's just sleep, even with sleep associations - they just stay asleep. Currently lying here with baby at 2.40am while she looks at my face, she's only had 3 hour sleep and been awake nearly an hour, I gave up trying to put her back to sleep

It feels like that but most people struggle I reckon. I remember at 13 months DD would wake every 90 minutes and stay up for 30 minutes so if I was lucky I got and hour in between. It nearly broke me.

Bit my advice is find people going through the same. To send a “Is baby keeping you up?” Text at 2am and getting a “yes” reply somehow makes you feel like you’re not going mad. Avoid the smug parents of sleepers. Their time will come in some way!

Babies are so different. My first was up every hour or two until 18 months. My second was doing longer stretches by 6 months. Sleep isn't linear. It's not bad then good. It's up and down until about 3. We're just sold a myth to get us back to work earlier.

11 months is still so young, lots of babies don’t sleep well at that age. My almost 4 year old is still up in the night a lot. Also, look at us posting at 3am in the morning, you’re not alone being awake!

Pretty common, the narrative that by 6 months/1 year most babies sleep through just has us all despairing in silence 😞

My son slept terribly until around 18m. To survive I'd go to bed around 8pm. Dh would stay up til 12ish. I'd try to get around 5!hours, then from 1-7am it would be snatched sleep.

We tried everything. Two things helped it, stopping night feeds and getting rid of the dummy. As these were the reasons he was waking up.

But the main thing was teaching him to fall asleep himself. So if he did wake he could get back off to sleep.

Once we mastered that he slept 7-7.

You aren't alone OP. My baby is only 5 months but still sleeps like a newborn 🙃 my first baby was sleeping almost all night at this age, a phenomenon I can't even begin to imagine this baby doing now!

Another 1 wide awake feeding a non sleeping baby. 7 weeks in and he’s bloody nocturnal like his eldest sibling was. I feel your pain OP - my eldest is 5 now and only started sleeping through when he was 3!!

I’ve got three and they’ve all been awful sleepers. Middle one was the worst I think, around the age of yours she would wake up multiple times a night and often not go back to sleep for 2+ hours no matter what we did 🫠 she’s 3 now and generally sleeps through but is going through a phase of getting up at 5am every day so that’s fun. You’re not alone.

I've been up since 12.50am with my 4 year old....

The longest stretch mine has done tonight is 50 mins. This is her normal. I think I might honestly die.

@MotherofWomen yep I am getting 30 min wakes over here and only if I hold her. She’s 4 months so I think I know what this is… fucking regression. Anyone who dares to say “it’s not a regression it’s a sleep progression!” can fuck right off.

I’ve got to look after a baby and a 3 yo all day by myself and we have no plans and it’s raining and the 3yo doesn’t nap and will be up any minute now. Also feel like this might kill me. I have visibly aged about 5 years since January.

All babies are so different, I hate anyone that suggests it's to do with routines and the like. I'd say the vast majority of the time, it has nothing to do with the parenting and everything to do with them as tiny humans!

My 6 year old was shocking when it came to sleep. He'd stare at me wide eyed throughout the night for YEARS. There was also lots of screaming and fussiness - I tried my absolute best with routines and he had a fantastic bedtime routine from day dot.

I now have a 4 week old (early days, I know) but I've not had one troublesome night and the "routines" are in no way established and I'm nowhere near as on it.

What I'm saying is and it's probably not helpful but it's just pick of the bunch. Don't beat yourself up in any way because it's nothing to do with you. With my first I was convinced I was doing something wrong but I now know that not to be the case. Like another PP said, get some others around you that have "interesting" sleepers... having messages pop up in solidarity through the night definitely helped me. X

That's bs that everyone else's babies sleep it's just not true at all, most wake up

I'm sorry you felt you needed to sleep train

To all those with a truly nocturnal toddler, have you considered melatonin? If their body clocks haven’t set quite right, it could help. It’s natural and doesn’t have to be forever: even just a few nights can help reset their body clock. Sadly can’t use it on babies, but it’s ok for toddlers and children.

sleep training has exceptions for teething and ill so it’s normal for them to be up. They are suffering so need comfort. it’s really hard to be the one doing it.

my child is similar age and feeds twice between 8pm-8am which is medically normal according to the NHS so I’m not sure what evidence base so called ‘Sleep Consultants’ use to say babies don’t need milk overnight. Especially if ill or teething as their food consumption can be lower as they struggle to eat so of course need milk. Plus the heat.

i think there’s a mental leap around then coz they are changing so much. FWIW I haven’t sleep trained and I get like6/7 hour stretches and good naps, but then for no reason I can see, some days baby is up every hour or couple of hours , disturbed. I haven’t changed anything. It’s wild.

its mega hard. I’ve just found ways to survive as nothing lasts forever. Drugs for pain, consistent night routine (30min max inc bath), consistent nap times. Go to bed at 8/9 some nights until 2am - partner covers any wakes. You sleep spare room. Then from the wake around 2ish we swap And they sleep elsewhere until 7/8. So you both get unbroken sleep. I might put her to bed later if she’s been up and down a lot so at least we can eat dinner/watch a bit of tv without dealing with crying/resettle.

basically you are not the only one. I just think the good sleepers are born like that but it all evens out. I felt better when I dropped the expectations- my child has managed all other developmental milestones as expected so I’m sure sleep will come.

Also I’ve had many hours watching my child/studying her sleep when trying to figure out what to do and once she started flipping on to her side she slept better.

they start to need less sleep at that age and the total sleep recommendation includes daytime naps so maybe consider a later bedtime and shorter daytime naps? I never wake mine from a nap tbf I just want the peace and think she obviously needs it. We don’t get big awake periods at night. If she won’t settle I go food, pain, discomfort (eg nappy/temperature ) then environment. Work through the lot each time and normally something works.

Awww poor you! It's tough sometimes and shit sleep can make us mums feel so alone
The first 2 years with ds he never slept through. Getting up after 3 hours for an hour at a time.... every 3 hours (then 2, then 1) every night
My friend had a baby at the same time as me and she has different struggles with her dd. She's always been an early riser (ds isn't bcos he's too tired from all the wakes) and her dd hasn't napped from about 14mo

I think when you have babies this age, those who have good sleepers shout the loudest. I was feeling like only my baby slept so badly, until I spoke to a few of my NCT group individually and found theirs were the same, they just didn’t join the sleep chat on the group WhatsApp. I also don’t think people are always truthful, one mum in our group claims hers sleeps 10-12 hours at a time, but then recently mentioned waking for feeds but doesn’t seem to count those as breaking her babies stretch of sleep

DS woke every 45 minutes - 1 hour from 10pm - 5.30am from 4-18 months. I was broken. Took a week off work, slept for a whole day while he was at nursery and sleep trained him from that night. It was like having a new child, wish I'd done it sooner.

DD slept through the night from 12 weeks, I didn't tell a soul because I know how horrific having a non sleeper is. Same routine, same feeding, same environment, very different children.

In the UK, it’s prescription only. There are sleep clinics that can prescribe for children with sleep issues.

Mine was the same but suddenly hit age 2 and started sleeping overnight like someone had flicked a switch. It's exhausting OP, you have my sympathy

I think, along the lines of what others have said, it's an individual thing.

I had two babies, one was a dream, sleeping and napping as per Gina Ford (with very little effort on my part) the second never slept. With him, I struggled for the first few years and then let him sleep with me. He still wasn't great but it was better and saved our sanity and relationship.

As adults the elder is still a great sleeper and will easily sleep over 12 hours 😮
The younger is up early and bouncing around all day but still won't go to bed until the very last minute.

As with the other posters and everyone who's had a non sleeper, you have my sympathy.

Thanks everyone, makes me feel better (ironically) that I'm not alone. She's currently on second wake up and iv fed her but she doesn't want to sleep. I'm tired of trying to figure it out. Even if I bring her to the bed she takes ages to sleep. I have 2 other kids and they weren't amazing sleepers, I'm sure I got PPD after my first and he was just as bad as this. But eventually we got him a double bed and my husband would just go and lie with him when he woke. I keep telling myself this won't be forever but tbh it doesn't help

I feel for you. I'm glad i didn't know how long it was going to be when my 2nd and youngest was born. The health nurse used to say you're feet are up what are you complaining about. I almost hit her.
I will say my last baby is now 15 - not months..15 years!! and Just started sleeping LOL still some nights it's mid night bed, but she doesn't keep me awake just lays in bed.

Not only your baby, but babies can be so different. My 2 yesr old isn't a great sleeper. Has only slept through the night a handful of times. Doesn't really matter what I do, he just rarely sleeps more than 4 hours.

On the other hand, his baby brother, who I have done much less with sleeps the night through, and has done for the most part since he was 7 weeks old- rarely even wakes for a bottle until 5:30- but he has slept until 7 a few times this week.

Just do what you can to get support with sleep, but it does also tend to slightly improve with age.