Am I reading this woman correctly or not?

[Mumm173]

I’d like some insight please: I have 2 DS’s and eldest one I basically became friends with the mothers of the kids he would play with. I’m still friends with some of the mums even though we have moved away and the boys no longer play etc. I’m really struggling with youngest DS’s year group:

im mainly friends with the girl mums, no issue but I feel left out as they’ve had group play dates with just the girls etc. and if I’m being honest I feel a little left out of their group. They are all lovely and I kind of secretly wish I had a girl so I could be part of their little group, however I love my little boy and want to get friendly with his friends parents but I find them quite difficult. His one best friend the mother doesn’t seem bothered - if I suggest a playdate or coffee she says she’ll be free in 2 months time etc. I get the vibe she doesn’t want to meet up. His other friend the mother is a little moody and doesn’t respond with more than a few words. There’s only 5 boys in the class btw, very small village school with only 17 kids in total.

My DS keeps saying he wants a play date with his best friend but the mother keeps telling me a couple months / few months everytime!

Just for context - Yes I do wa t to be friends with the kids parents I see daily, I don’t think it’s anything wrong with being friendly and social with people you see 5x a week. I do have my own life outside of the school gate but I would like to be friends with some of the kids mums who my DS plays with.

You might want that op, but it's clear that they don't. It doesn't matter what their reason is, it's up to them. Why not just have their sons to play at yours without their mums and go out on mums nights without dc with the girls mums who you like?

@arethereanyleftatall they’re only reception aged so might be difficult as at this age I’ve noticed play dates involve parents staying. Could be an idea for when older

I just find it sad just for the sake of an hour why can’t she just grin and bear a playdate. I’m only wanting to get friendly for kids sake. She has play dates with a few of the girls mums. Came up in conversation as one mum said the boys mum’s (apart from me) don’t seem very friendly and don’t seem to gel together. I agreed and mentioned I’ve tried to get friendly with so and so but then it came out she’s been messaging a few mums for play dates. I know it can’t be me as I get along with the other mums and have a laugh with them. I know it sounds childish but I was hurt she doesn’t message me for play dates even though our boys play together everyday. They walk out of school hand in hand it’s so adorable.

Some people just don’t want to make friends? They’re busy, have their own lives etc. it’s not you it’s her. Her child might not be keen on the play date.

You have NO IDEA what's going on in her life. She doesn't owe you a play date. She could be really struggling and you're just assuming the worst of her.

It won’t be long surely until the kid can just be dropped at yours for a play date? So you don’t have to have the Mum over for coffee too. If they’re not friendly you can’t force it.

Then see the girls Mums separately for nights out. That’s just how it goes sometimes.

I intentionally made connections with the mums of my daughter's classmates - boys as well as girls and 4 years later (they're Y3) we're still 'friends'. We have a WhatsApp group and go out for drinks whenever we can get everyone together. I did this because I didn't do great socially as a kid, and my daughter is also an only child and I was determined she wouldn't have the same experiences as I did. It's also good for my own mental health.

It started as group playdates; we'd meet at the local play centre or go to a local pub that has a large beer garden and indoor play centre. Birthday parties (kids are spread out through the year so each month there's generally a party of some description). Now there are fewer of those, but there are two little girls my daughter plays with regularly and we're at the stage where the girls are together so often that they've started leaving spare clothing at each other's houses and I trust the mums (my friends, now) to look after my daughter like their own.

It's really sad IMO that the best friend's mum doesn't want to arrange a playdate and I feel for your son. My recommendation would be to get him into a sociable activity like cubs or an after school sports club or similar, where he can make friends with other kids who are there to mingle, as it were. Widen his friendship group and give more diversity to the source of it.