To wish I could make and keep friends

[katedan]

Sorry this is a bit of a pity post.

I think I am a friendly and approachable person but I really struggle to make friends and as a result I feel quite lonely.

Attended an event this weekend for people who share my health complaint, advertised as being very friendly and thought it would be a good way to meet new people. I left early as I was sat on my own, I engaged in conversations and was friendly and smiley but just felt like everyone was chatting to each other.

I have a group of ladies I have known from school and are very close to and messaged them to see if anyone wanted to meet up and no one replied.

Last year my mum said the reason I have no friends is that I am close to my husband and we have each other, my husband is my best friend but he has lots of friends and is very popular and my mums comments hurt as last year a very close friend died and she was someone I could always phone up and talk to and I really miss her.

I get on with people at work but have no friends I see outside of work, really worried what I give off to people.

Sorry that was all a bit "poor me" but wanted to know if once you are late 40s it is hard to make proper friends as opposed to acquaintances.

Your mum's talking shite so forget that. How did you find the event at the time? Did you feel awkward? Tbh I would find that set up horrific, but I'm not confident in such situations.

I know you don’t want to hear this but sometimes a good night meeting people who are on the same page is all luck and a weird mix of fate maybe- someone being out sitting next to someone else and they happen to get chatting or aren’t disturbed by someone or you’re not busy etc etc. Definitely don’t apologise op, hopefully you’ll meet someone soon, we hold you think about some sort of a hobby, even an online one?

The people who don’t get back to you etc … people are just really busy and have their stuff to deal with, they’ll probably reply in a ridiculous time like a week or month not realising x

You'll probably find that those who were talking to each other were not first timers and had met each other previously at the earlier session, that's what usually happens, you see the same faces, again and again and you say hello... then hello how are you, then conversation grows each time. You cannot expect to attend once and have people scrambling to talk to you, that just doesn't happen. Perhaps attend a few more times and see how it develops. Friendships take time to develop.

it took me about 12 weeks of being next to someone at the gym in a weekly regular class before we had progressed from "Hi" to a full fledged conversation, all be it chit chat, still didn't know the ladies name!

I'd definitely go for a hobby where people do stuff together, like cycling group or life drawing or am dram or choir. You want something where people go to the pub after.