A&E and DH's behavior

[Yorkshirelass21]

I ended up in the A&E last week, DH called an ambulance cause I had difficulty breathing and was turning blue. They didn't find anything and discharged me later in the afternoon. I was quite shaken and spent the next day in bed, taking it very slowly and easy. By the end of that next day I think I was feeling weak and tired, but emotionally I recovered. When DH asked me if we could have some sexy time, I said no. My mind wasn't in that place at all! He then asked if I could give him a head. I was taken aback. He wasn't joking. Is he a complete animal or AIBU for denying him?!

Selfish animal!!

Of course you are not being unreasonable to deny him. He was unreasonable. What the hell is wrong with him?

Maybe he just didn't realise how much the event has shaken you up but it is particularly tone deaf to ask you to do something for him a couple of days after something traumatic has happened.

Talk to him and tell him how you are feeling. Maybe he was just wasn't thinking (not a particularly attractive trait in a partner mind you) 🤔

Tbh I'd divorce my husband just for using the phrase "sexy time" as a grown adult.

But of course he's a selfish prick for expecting you to service him when you're unwell.

It isn’t ever unreasonable to say no to sex you don’t want. You don’t need a reason. Just asking for sex like that with no care for how you’re feeling and no build up is very transactional, as if you’re there to service him.

Jesus. Men never fail to amaze me on their utterly selfishness.

What I’d find most disgusting about that is him being told that you weren’t in the mood for sex, and then thinking it would be acceptable to basically ask to use you as a sex aid instead then.

Think that one through. It’s foul. He KNEW you weren’t feeling in the mood. But he’d be happy knowing that but still getting off ‘on’ you. That you’d be performing a sex act on him and probably mentally thinking ‘Come on, hurry up’ or just thinking ‘yuk I could really do without having to do this’ … and he’d still engage and enjoy it? That’s absolutely foul. I would have a real issue being able to be intimate with a man whose brain could work like that.

Your allowed to say no for whatever reason you want, he is also allowed to ask even if it was in a cringe way😷

And don’t even go there with the extra info that the reason you’d said no thanks is because you were actually feeling unwell.

YUK. Sorry but a man who could engage and get off with that dynamic going on is really problematic.

Did he actually use the phrase ‘sexy time’? That would be a big fat no from me on its own even if I wasn’t ill. He’s insensitive at best to ask/expect when he knows you’re not well.

I think it's wrong to ask for sex or head if your partner is clearly unwell. Shows a total lack of care and empathy for someone you're supposed to care about.

He wanted sex with someone who had spent all day unwell in bed, and then when you said no, he expected you just to service him instead?

He's absolutely horrible.

Some may find it extreme but that would be relationship ending for me, because this behaviour I am guessing is not isolated, no one becomes this selfish overnight and im guessing its a pattern.

You were incredibly unwell, his first thought is sex and when you say no he then wants to use you as a sex aid. Fuck that, seriously thats so many levels of disgusting.

I don't think it's particularly OK to request sex from someone who is feeling so weak and tired after being rushed to hospital in an ambulance that they had to stay in bed all day, actually. And then upon being told no, asking 'Can you just give me head, then?' It's a fine indicator that he doesn't care about her feelings or her pleasure.

Is he usually this selfish (sexually or otherwise)? Tbh his comments would give me the ick and he'd be told exactly why!

Agreed. Wouldn't it be the "correct" way round to offer to ahem do something for her, if she wasn't feeling in the mood for full sex?

Aside from just, you know, leaving her alone obviously.

Give him stern words, OP. And I hope you're feeling better now.

Seriously - wouldn't you rather be single than this?

wtf? Would he be humping your cold dead corpse? You were in A&E, blue not 24 hours before and then he's pestering you for sex and to give him head? I'd have told him to fuck right off; I hope you did.

I'd also feel very undervalued, uncared for and just generally sick to the stomach with him. I'd be wondering why I was with him

He's disgusting, OP. Is he often like this?