AIBU - The Dr debate - part 2

[Cheesecake45]

I couldn’t edit my last post and perhaps didn’t pose the question right so here’s attempt two!

Thanks to all the people who have told me what a PhD is and how you get one, I do have a PhD (hence my original question) and am therefore fully aware that it is a challenge and a big achievement. I am also fully aware that medical doctors may not actually have PhDs and have several doctors (and a Mr - surgeon) in my family. I understand that a person’s title is relevant in the workplace (in most cases) and I too use the sign off of Dr in my work emails.

I do not, however, use my title of Dr in everyday life as it isn’t relevant to, say, booking a holiday, and wouldn’t want people to confuse me with being a medical doctor - I’d feel a fraud, and certainly wouldn’t in my personal life. Why I asked, though, is my husband recently received an invite to a 10th wedding anniversary party, and the invite was sent from ‘Dr and Mrs xxxx’. The ‘Dr’ in question has a PhD in history.

I found it funny and would never refer to myself as Dr in a social setting but wondered if this was in fact normal.

AIBU -
Yes = Medical doctor or not, use the title Doctor at every chance you get!

NO = I wouldn’t use the term socially (unless for work socials)

OP, do you think it's okay for medical doctors to use the title socially, just not PhDs?
Or do you think medical doctors shouldn't use Dr socially either?
I'm not clear on that bit, thanks.

My personal opinion is that people should not use titles of any sort bless it is relevant to the circumstances. So never on a wedding invitation, to use your example. And I grew up in the days of Esq!

This would be ideal, I think.

I have as much (if not more) problem with 'Mrs' as I do with 'Dr'

If the person is an academic it may be his normal mode of address which he wouldn't think twice about using in this context, which is a somewhat formal one.

DR Ross Geller 🤣🤣

When I send my friend a birthday card I put Dr on the envelope. She worked for bloody years for that PhD and did really really well even though she was working full-time and had children. Why would I ignore it when I was friends with her throughout that period and knew how hard she worked?

I’m a medical doctor and I never go by Dr unless I’m at work. I don’t feel the need to go advertising my job to everyone when I go on holiday / pay for something / book a restaurant. I think I’m in a minority though to be honest. I’m Dr Disco at work (although everyone just calls me firstname, including patients) and Mrs Disco at home

I haven't voted because I think your options are too extreme. I don't think it's really that important and most of the time I don't think I use a title at all. It does say Dr A Doc on my driving licence and my cheque book, but most of the time I'm just Ageing.
DH and I get letters addressed to Mr & Mrs Hisname, Mr & Dr Hisname, Dr Doc and Mr Hisname, Dr and Mr Doc, Ageing and Him...who cares, we know who they mean!
I think it can be quite handy to have work and home personas mind you and I do have 2 names on here. This one is more or less exclusively used for commenting on medically related matters (unless I forget to change it) and I have another one that I use for everything else. In real life, I tend to use my work identity if I'm complaining about something as Dr Doc does seem to get taken more seriously than Mrs Hisname. Shouldn't be the case of course, but it is. Other than that it's six of one and half a dozen of the other as far as I am concerned.
But if someone is entitled to use the title, whether they are a medical doctor or a PhD and they prefer to use it all the time then why not? Their name, their choice. It doesn't harm me in any way so why would I care?

I don't understand all the people claiming they only use Dr as there is no female title that does not denote marital status? When of course there is - Ms. It is literally the opposite of Mr. Someone else only used Dr as there is no non-gendered term - there is Mx.

And I did find it funny all the idiots telling OP she should try getting a PhD etc. when it was pretty clear she was asking as she had one!

Day to day, people don't really use any title though. I'd find it weird if someone wanted me to call them "Dr Smith", but also if they wanted me to call them "Miss Smith".

If I had a phd, I'd give Dr as my title whenever needing a title came up, which would probably only be on the occasional form.

I don't see why "dr" is less relevant than "mrs". It's just a title - it's not relevant or irrelevant, it just is.

I’m a medical Dr who also has a PhD and I go by Mrs outside work.

I use Dr at work and with banks, insurance etc. I don't in restaurants or holidays

I’ve got a PhD and don’t use Dr out of work, but wouldn’t if I was a medical doctor either. Nothing about “confusion” - just no need.

You (OP) are confusing things by talking about using a title socially. The vast majority of people, when introducing themselves at a party, say "hi, I'm Jo". If someone or something (eg) asks for a title then it's a formal situation, and if so why would you not use Dr if that is your title? Sure, your energy supplier doesn't "need" to know you did a PhD, but they don't need to know your sex or marital status yet most other titles give them that information and I don't see them not asking for titles.

If the estate agent from thread 1 is reading this - if I gave a fuck about money do you think I would have done a PhD instead of, eg, studied law or accounting? Enjoy your flashy car - mine's public transport.

Why did this need a second thread? You are asking the same question but with context.

I’m the same! Saves on annoying conversations as well.

I knew someone who after all the hard work couldn't wait to use dr and Mrs.
Part of my totally understood using the reward for all that work, and part of me laughed 😀

I can’t see any problem with someone who has spent many years studying for a PHD using their given title of Dr. There seems to be a lot of resentment and jealousy about this. A lot of people who have PHD’s have studied for longer than medical dr’s. I find the derision of peoples academic achievements unbelievable. It’s true that it does seem to be a uk thing. The same way teachers are also not generally respected in the uk.

My DD is currently studying for a PHD in medical research. I am a single widowed parent on a very low income and I am very proud of her achievements. I see no reason why she shouldn’t use the title of dr if she chooses too once she has gained her PHD. To the poster who said that they wouldn’t call someone with a PHD dr or respect them, why not? You would respect a medical dr but not my daughter, who may have helped in the research to produce the cancer treatment you are receiving at hospital or the drug that your medical dr is prescribing, madness!