To Be Bored With My Life?

[Gumps]

I can't discuss this in real life as it really does sound like first world problems. I have a lovely family, a nice house and I run my own business. However I am so bored. My business now runs itself and the kids don't need me as much as they are teenagers. My DH works away from home for long periods of time but when he is home we have a great relationship. I walk the dog and go to the gym. I have lots of friends.
I just wake up in the morning and think what is my purpose today? I have no where to be and nothing to do other than clean the house and food shop.
I've tried talking to people in real life but they just say oh poor you, please swap with me. I would love to be one of those driven people who have lots of goals but I just don't.

Thank you OP. You can’t help feeling how you do, I understand that. I’ve not read all replies but I will say if you know your life is ‘nice’ example you have no worry money worries, you like your job, kids and relationships are fine etc then I would suggest going to doctors as there could be a chemical imbalance that medication could help with.

I feel shit most of the time because of the stress of worry for my DC. If so someone had to say to me that DC would be married and happy in 10 years, working etc. my outlook would be so different that I’d be over the moon. My sadness isn’t due to a chemical imbalance, it’s due to circumstances.

OP your situation sounds like you can acknowledge you have a good life but you feel unfulfilled…. I think speak to your GP as medication seems to help in these situations.

Good luck x

You built a business that runs itself, that’s amazing. How about a starting a charity? Or building a new business that brings something lacking to your community? It sounds like you need a new challenge.

Think you're getting some pointless comments - you've admitted you've a lovely life but are asking for advice on not being bored.

I've done a lot of travelling and confirm that although it is fun a few times a year it does get to the point you want to be in your own house and not having stress of travel and finding your feet in a new area. I do think planning one or two lovely exploring holidays can be fun to do and take you out of yourself, if you like that? I'd try to throw in a challenge (hiking or whatever) and make it a "bucket list" type thing.

I also always want to write a book or learn an instrument (I don't have the sticking power at the moment for starters). I'm usually renovating my house in some way which is fun and can take as long as you like.

Alongside these volunteering is great for MH and sense of purpose. I want to walk dogs for Cinnamon Trust or help out somewhere similar. I also want to look at specific women's charities and see what I can do on that front. I think finding something you enjoy and feels worthwhile is key, although manning a shop might be good if you like a chat?

I've got older Dd's now and they aren't home as much which can give a sense of the empty nest to come. It is daunting and I don't think you are alone on finding that at all.

I just want to know how a business runs itself!

I just want to say thank you for your title "Bored with.... rather than "Bored of ......"

I'm really lucky that I have fabulous staff, who we treat as family members as they have been here such a long time, and they love what they do. I probably work about an hour a day max to keep things ticking over.

You clearly run a successful business. Could you do something to help others wishing to set up their own business in your local area?

Training for a specific event is also a good shout as it gives you a sense of purpose. A marathon maybe?

Read? Think about topics you’ve always wanted to know more about and become
an expert. Not merely reading things on the internet but proper academic books from the library. I’d love to do this in retirement.

Volunteering will also give you a sense of purpose. I can see you’re already keen on this idea.

Good luck! I don’t think it’s that helpful when people say you’re so lucky or stop being ungrateful because you can’t help the way you feel. I hope you start to feel better soon.

Everyone is entitled to their feelings.

Have you thought about being a school governor or trustee? Maybe at your child’s school?

I volunteer to help small grassroots sports teams apply for grant funding from time to time. There are always people needing support within the community.

You need some purposeful stress in your life and to get a bit cross with yourself tbh. You have the skills and resources to change this. No point wasting time being bored when you actually need to give yourself a shake and do something that gives you purpose. Volunteer for something you care about in a way that challenges you.

Life doesn’t really have a purpose beyond living. It’s something that we create for ourselves. Do you have plans to grow your business? Any kind of studying you fancy doing? Any cause dear to you that you could involve yourself in as a charity trustee?

I’d be doing garden projects, an MA in Children’s Literature, a morning a month at the local baby bank. I’d swim more often and see my PT 3 times a week and do a hot yoga class. I would do all those little jobs around the house I neglect with a full time job and a 2 and a 6 year old.

Second the Idea of becoming a charity trustee. Most charities are struggling to recruit and anyone with good business skills is valuable to a board. Identify the causes that have meaning to you and see if they have vacancies. I have retired and am a trustee. I give about 2/3 days a month to a local charity and really enjoy it. I am also a political activist doing my bit to get a new government at the next GE. Have you got a dog? If you like dogs and are home a lot then a couple of hours a day walking them is good for the soul.

Can I ask what industry is your business in? Would you be interested in mentoring other business owners? I would love to have a chat with someone in your position to try and get insight in how to get my business to a place where it basically runs itself.
I could happily take up hours of your day picking your brains!!

Have you considered taking up something that you didn't do as a child but wished you did? I've recently started ballet as a complete beginner in my 40s. I am slow, uncoordinated and will never look like a real ballet dancer but I love it. Absolutely love it. It exercises my body and my mind in ways nothing else does and it's a really low pressure thing to do as of course I'm not trying to aim for a career in dance or anything, I'm just there for me. It's also really great for my mental health as I can't think of anything else while I'm in class, so for that hour I completely stop ruminating on home/kids/whatever is otherwise curculating incessantly in my brain.
My balance and core muscles have improved enormously, as unexpected side benefits.

Anyway obviously ballet might not be your thing at all. But is there something else that you've never tried but have secretly wanted to? A musical instrument, a language, a creative writing course, tap dancing, woodwork .... ?

Do you have any hobbies that you never had time for when kids were smaller but now you could focus on? Easy ones, such as reading, researching something that might take you to a library, art or craft projects, watching tv or movies or playing apps (puzzles are great for example) - just to name a few low-key things.

But your current circumstances are perfect to become a mentor to people who want to start a business and eventually have what you have - a great family, a successful business and a comfortable life.

Good luck!

Are you in a position where you could maybe make a big life change? Maybe move to a different area? Not saying this would solve it but it sounds to me like you need a big change of some sort.

...could this be a bit of an existential dread/ennui? I am wondering about your spiritual beliefs. Not in a 'join a church' type of way, but I wonder if you are looking for depth and meaning where you haven't needed to before.

James Hollis and Sharon Blackie both write about looking for deeper meaning in the second half of life.

And yes I wonder if some of this is sadness about the early childhood years being behind you. I have been experiencing this as well. Good luck.

I’m the opposite, busy but still bored. I think it’s a lack of time to do something I really want to do for myself. What I would really like is sit down with a pile of books in peace and quiet. I think you have some space in your life but after years of probably being quite busy and you’ve perhaps forgotten what you used to love doing.

I’d echo that on travelling, I live abroad and no longer get excited about holidays tbh, it’s all airports, trying to fins some milk oacking and unlacking. Except I do want to visit Cambodia. I think sometimes the problem is a lack of intellectual stimulation, something that preoccupies my mind rather than doing stuff iyswim.

I actually think learning something new is a good option.

Why not experiment trying new things? You could give yourself to the end of summer and see if any of it changes how you feel? You could break things into different areas - eg sports, culinary, intellectual. There are so many course online or even pre recorded lectures, would you like to learn more about archeology, geology, ancient history, coding? A language? You could try a new sport or have one on one lessons in a sport can already do eg tennis (obv no idea just guessing!). Would you like to master baking bread or making baked cheesecakes or Italian cooking? It takes effort to think up and commit to things but once you start you may enjoy it so much it becomes habit? Eg I joined a non fiction book club last autumn as didn’t read enough and love it!

This stood out to me as an interesting response.

Firstly, even as a higher rate taxpayer, you would get some financial benefit as you would keep some of the money.

But secondly - you are bored which is an emotional problem, not a financial question.

If you want to stop being bored you may want to have a think about whether you are too detached from your inner self.

Mine’s a bit of a random suggestion. I work in a nice coffee shop and we get regulars in every day who sit and have a coffee, sometimes together and chat. There’s lots of different reasons people are there but I think it starts your day off well, you go quite early and then you have the rest of the day but it seems to leave everyone feeling positive and like they’ve done something for themselves first thing.

Other things that might be worth a try:

Joining a gym/exercise classes/yoga/running club

I used to be an age uk phone volunteer for five years which was great - you are matched up with an elderly person with similar interests and chat to them on the phone for half an hour a week at the same time. I spoke to a lady who had no family and just had carers going in, I really looked forward to our calls and feeling like I was making a difference. Similarly, do you have any older family members that you could ring to chat to occasionally? They would probably also appreciate a call.

I think you need to find your purpose, maybe even think about writing a bucket list or looking up ideas to get inspiration. This sounds like a fun chapter to be starting!

Go to college or university and do something you really want to study just for the hell of it.

Volunteer or set up your own charity/foundation where you can use some of the money/skill from your business to support others. E.g. if your business is party supplies you could set up a foundation that runs parties in hospitals for kids with life limiting illnesses, or if your business is retail clothing you could set up a foundation that alters clothing for people who have lost limbs. You clearly have great business skills so put them to good use 😊

Get an allotment.

I get you OP.

I’m also searching for ‘purpose’ for want of a better word.

I think there is also an expectation that you NEED to be doing fulfilling/exciting/challenging things all the time, otherwise you are ‘wasting your life’. I don’t think this is helpful.

Some people are happy pottering along, and that is absolutely fine. You have achieved a lot already - business, family, marriage etc.

On a day to day basis, I try to find joy and meaning and purpose in simple things when life is quiet/I start feeling that boredom creep in. Tidying up the garden, shopping/cooking a really special meal, doing household stuff I’ve been putting off forever.

Volunteering is also wonderful; many offer flexible commitments so you can fit it in around other things.

I’m waiting for a new climbing gym to open near me, and also on the list to volunteer at a homeless hostel in the next city over.

You need to help others. I don’t mean that in any kind of rude or patronising way. From an almost selfish perspective, it can be incredibly rewarding to do volunteering or make a difference to people’s lives.

Think of something close to your heart. There is a cause for everyone! Helping kids to read, be a volunteer at the hospital, use a skill you have and share it or teach it. Food bank. Volunteer for an art gallery. Be a guide on local walks.. Anything. Do something online or in real life. Just do something.

That will give you a sense of purpose.

I wonder if the boredom hits when you are not with people? Do you consider yourself an extrovert? I wonder this is because you mentioned that a lot of things you do is with people - business, gym and family. But then you said all you had on was cleaning and food shopping and I assume these are individual activities. Then you wrote you tried to talk to other people too and they didn’t seem to understand.

I got from the post that you are more of a people person.

I can only talk for myself but as an introvert talking to people face-to-face about anything I’m feeling or experiencing makes me want to break out in hives and gives me tons of anxiety. (Which is why I post on message boards instead of having an in-person conversation).

I think it’s a huge strength to be a people person. I wonder if that’s a path to look at, as some say volunteering as a start.