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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Checking Internet history

15 replies

JonnyTheDogFacedBoy · 12/05/2024 21:57

My husband wanted to borrow my phone to search for something he needs on Facebook marketplace (he doesn't have FB). Fine. I set him up with the thing he was searching for, and he took my phone up to peruse the search results whilst having a bath.

After half hour or so, I went in to take my makeup off, and asked if he'd had any luck. He didn't hear me approach as the extractor fan was on, so as I came in I could see he was weeks deep in to my internet search history.

This has really annoyed me. I don't have anything to hide and have never given him reason to distrust me, so I'm pissed off that he felt the need to probe that thoroughly. I mean, my darkest secret is probably spending more on skincare than he'd imagine.

This is the second time I've caught him. Last summer when we had a holiday rental in Spain, I left my phone on the balcony table and went in because our son was crying. When I came down, I could see through the patio doors that he was again doing a deep dive through my Internet history.

Neither time have I said anything as I guess he'll get defensive and it will lead to an argument that I don't want. I'm just annoyed as I have literally never given him a reason to distrust me. The irony is he had an affair years ago, yet I would never go through his Internet history! What's the point being with someone if you don't trust them.

Would your partner going so deep in to your search history annoy you? I don't know if I'm justified feeling pissed off when I don't have anything to hide anyway.

OP posts:
northernmamax · 12/05/2024 22:02

It's his own paranoia as he knows what he has done to you previously. Happened with me and my partner. He had an affair and that's all he was paranoid about me doing ever since I found out, well that's what I put it down to anyway as like you say there's literally no other reason for doing it.

Hope you are ok. I would be angry too x

JonnyTheDogFacedBoy · 12/05/2024 22:06

Thanks for your input, that really makes sense.

OP posts:
Moier · 12/05/2024 22:08

I delete my history and cookies every night..
Keeps the phone running better.
Just do that

JonnyTheDogFacedBoy · 12/05/2024 22:10

Moier · 12/05/2024 22:08

I delete my history and cookies every night..
Keeps the phone running better.
Just do that

Lol, if he's paranoid I'm up to no good, that'll really mess with his head 🤣

In reality, I'll never remember to do that.

OP posts:
Foxyaus · 13/05/2024 06:49

The silly thing is, you can simply open an "incognito " search bar which does not save to your history, so if you were doing something you don't want anyone to know about, it's easy to keep searches private. His insecurity is driving this behaviour, he has a trust issue, or he's just a sticky beak?

Myopicglass · 13/05/2024 06:52

He is Judging you by his standards.

Myopicglass · 13/05/2024 06:53

And you are judging him by yours.

OmuraWhale · 13/05/2024 06:53

I don't think it's necessarily that he doesn't trust you. I think some people are just nosy!

SpringerFall · 13/05/2024 06:55

Women on here suggest other women do it to their partners all the time, I think it's weird no matter who does it

longapple · 13/05/2024 06:58

I'd search daily "what should I do about my partner snooping on my search history?"

longapple · 13/05/2024 07:01

Or "hello husband why don't you ask me what I search for instead of looking when you think I don't know? It's an invasion of privacy and if I was planning to run off with someone else I'd have done it not googled it. You're going to spoil your own birthday and Christmas presents"

Mairzydotes · 13/05/2024 07:11

I delete mine too . I'd feel violated if someone looked at it despite there being nothing to be ashamed off.

Years ago , my ex went through the history on the computer in the living room and had a go at me for looking at people's MySpace profiles. He just wanted to have a go.

ScoobyG · 13/05/2024 07:14

He is either paranoid due to his own past behaviour, or checking if you are checking up on his current behaviour. Either way, just ask him outright. It's a breech of privacy and he had lied about why he wants your phone. Devious.

C1N1C · 13/05/2024 07:24

I agree with the above. He cheated, so now he thinks everyone is scum like him. He's looking for anything to alleviate his conscience.

You can do better. You sound nice.

ntmdino · 13/05/2024 07:29

The only time I've ever done this is to sneakily get ideas for a birthday or Christmas present.

The affair aside, there's nothing in the OP that suggests it couldn't be that.

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