Grief really f**cking sucks

[hoomanbean3]

We lost my MIL suddenly at the start of this year, she wasn't old and it wasn't expected. It was also a horrible way to go. Day to day is ok but it's the moments when I think "oh I'll just call and let her know the kids did this" or just ringing when I see something I know she would like on the telly etc. we used to speak most days on the phone, just about everyday stuff. It just makes me so so sad, I really struggle to understand how she was just here one day and then the next gone!
I can't talk to my Dh about it as his mental health has been awful due to it and I don't want to put more sadness on him. How long does it take for this type of sadness to get easier?

I am so sorry OP.
I lost my beloved gran last year and it is still painful. I found the old swingball set we played with as kids with my cousins in my Mum’s garage the other day and I sobbed for half an hour. It sucks.

#@hoomanbean3
I Agree with the poster who mentioned counselling therapy
Bereavement type would be beneficial for yourself and your husband

🤔 you were obviously extremely close
No wonder you are both in shock. as your Mother in law was relatively young to die like that too..

I'm sorry for your loss, OP.

The thing that has helped me the most is talking to a therapist. I cried my way thru the first session but it was such a huge relief to openly grieve without worrying about being judged or making anyone else "uncomfortable".

Other than that, some days are better than others. It's never far from my mind but I'm less...desolate (?) these days (It's hard to put into words). There is always an underlying sadness though.

As others have said, you never actually "get over" losing someone you love, you just get better at handling it. But every so often it sneaks out and gets you, even many years later. Sometimes it's a big thing, like we are planning my DD's wedding at the moment and I am acutely aware that my parents won't be there and it makes me very sad. Other times it's something trivial- a piece of music on the radio, seeing the sweets in the supermarket that you used to buy them as a treat, a piece of news you know they'd be interested in. I have no real words of wisdom other than to say that time does help, and remember the saying that grief is the price we pay for love, and how much poorer would our lives have been without that love?

I lost my twin baby sons in November - 6 months ago. One was stillborn and my other survived for just four days after we removed life support. He passed away in my arms. They were our first. I wanted the ground to swallow me up the day we had to bury them.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Grief is not linear, it comes in waves. Someday you are riding the wave and other times you feel like you are drowning.

There is no magic cure, but what you are feeling is normal. Loss is horrific. It's physically painful. You will get through it. Not over it. But you will learn to manage and cope with it. It really is an hour by hour thing, just surviving it bit by bit.

Keep putting one foot in front of the other . Talk about her, cry, scream. Walking, fresh air. Anything. It will take time but it will improve.

Just wanted to add after my twin baby sons died 6 months ago, my husband and I were on different wave lengths with grief. You mentioned you can't talk to dh because of his mental health and that's ok, my husband couldn't deal with the high emotions when our sons died, and couldn't talk about it much to others. But I needed to talk and verbalise how I felt.

So I rang friends, and family and joined support groups. You need to take care of your own needs too in order to be there for your dh so don't rule out therapy or just ringing for chats to people who support you. What I've learnt since our tragedy is most friends and family really want to do something to help when this happens but don't know how. Utilise them if you need to talk. Xxx

A friend mentioned the ball in the box analogy when I was going through a similar unexpected loss. I’ve found it a helpful way to visualise grief.

https://psychcentral.com/blog/coping-with-grief-ball-and-box-analogy#loss-as-a-reality