To feel uneasy about this ? Or do people just deserve to have the past left behind them?

[feelinguneasyaboutit]

I went to school (and was friends with for a while) a girl who was a compulsive liar the whole time I knew her (from approx age 6 to age 16). Not little lies - huge hurtful and impactful lies.

She would come in to school crying that her house had been burgled , there had been a house fire, that the family pet had died etc to start with at a younger age.
As she got older the lies got worse - that her grandparents had died etc, that her parents or siblings were seriously ill. Things like that.
Aged 14-16 were the awful lies (allegations against boys and teachers, lies that she was seriously ill herself). Eventually everyone found out and she left college - a lot of us assumed she had moved away, to be honest I forgot about her. She clearly had some kind of significant problem though.

My dc go to an activity and she is one of the assistants there - I don’t know how to feel about this? All staff are enhanced dbs checked so clearly she’s only guilty of being a terrible liar- maybe it was just an immaturity thing ? (We are mid 30s now) . She has said hello to me and a brief (seemingly normal) chat the couple of times I’ve seen her but I feel SO uncomfortable.

AIBU? Am I being judgy? I just feel weird about it

Happy, well adjusted children with stable, loving home lives don't usually lie to that degree. But traumatised, neglected children often make up alternate realities for themselves. I think that anyone who holds that sort of childhood behaviour against someone must be seriously lacking in empathy.

Give her a chance to live a normal adult life and put the past behind her.

Keep your distance and monitor her involvement with your child. She may have grown up and all is well, but she was clearly a troubles young person who go people into trouble as she went. I would be cautious.

If she was making up allegations about boys and teachers as a teenager, I'd probably be more worried if my husband or father was working with her, as she wouldn't necessarily have grown out of that on her 18th birthday. I probably would be less worried about my child doing an activity with her.

Sounds like munchousens hard to know if she's recovered or not or been treated but I definitely wouldn't be looking to lose her, her job. Not sure I would want her around my child either though. Mud sticks unfortunately

She sounds a bit like Belle Gibson. There was a documentary on TV recently about her.

Usually extreme behaviour like this is found to be a cry for help further down the line. But that doesn't mean the serious damage done to others by her behaviour can just be rationalised out with it wasn't her fault 'she was crying for help'. The effect the cry for help has on other people are very real and can have long lasting and significant effects. But I wouldn't make it an issue unless you know she is still behaving this way. I would just keep distance and not get into any conversation or connection with her. Hopefully she's changed, but I wouldn't even try and find out.

I haven’t said anything like that - I can’t even begin to start that thought process as I know nothing of why she lied so much or if she has or hasn’t moved on . I’m just struck with such a feeling of uneasiness ? I think because it made me deal with so many huge issues at a young age , to believe and support someone then that gets turned on its head - then just nothing (and tbh the professionals involved at school weren’t the most helpful they just said we never speak of her again that’s it full stop) for young teens it was surreal and emotional (we thought at one point she had been abused and then that she was dying).

I do hope that whatever caused her to do what she didn’t wasn’t awful although sadly I expect it was. I do hope she’s ok now and doing well, it’s just really confusing

Oh goodness no ! I wasn’t even insinuating that - if anything at worst I’d just remove my dc if it was just my feeling of unease causing an issue

@Dontbeme I'm sorry to read your post, that sounds like a big cross for you to bear.

I admit I'd be cagey around her. What if she calls to say your child has an accident or did something, will you believe her? I suspect as pp say she was very troubled but who knows if her behaviour was due to some MH condition that is ongoing or a childhood issue that she has moved on from.

Well I always follow my instincts - always. They are rarely wrong, so I would discreetly remove my dc ( clashing timetables in September with new school term) and forgive her and move on from any anguish she caused. No child lies to that degree without very good reason. Maybe you could have counselling? As it sounds like it still impacts you.

You don’t need to be friends with her to have interactions with her.

if the impact from childhood means you don’t feel you can have interactions with her then yes pull dc and find a different one.

it doesn’t need to be a big thing as I think that would be hard on both you and her and I don’t think either of you want that after so many years trying to put it all to bed.

She was obviously an unhappy and disturbed child. I would just keep a watchful eye on her.