To question everything

[Postpad]

One year on from having a baby. It's been a wild ride but got through it and come out the other side.

However I have found I've been questioning my approach to a lot of things and more critical of myself in recent months: stewing on friendships I let drift away a few years back, questioning my work ethic at work, feeling like I should 'do' or 'be' better in some way. Is this questionning of everything in life typical after a life change like this?

I'm not feeling bad about my parenting or anything, just everything else.

Also feel a need for validation from other in a way I've never experienced before

sounds like you revisiting the past basically consists of you trying to convince yourself you were a shit!

are you heading back to work soon?

I've been back to work for six months- that's when all of this started. Didn't have best return, confidence got knocked and I've not felt great since then

that will be the root cause

I did some therapy for a bit with it and it improved thing but I still got underlying feeling of not being good enough

the more you revisit what you did in the past, or worry about the incident, the harder work is going to be. I made a big mistake at work, thought about it too much, and started making mistake after mistake. Finally left (due to kids but also I was at the point I made a mistake every day and had become the person everyone was looking out for).

Bumped into my manager the other day and was chatting and she said ‘what happened to you? After two years of no issues you were falling apart at things you’d done fifty million times. I had honestly thought throughout my job I just wasn’t great and then the stress of the big incident (which incidentally she said was not a thing at all, everyone had done worse) showed I wasn’t capable. If you got through before maternity and weren’t stressed you’re possibly better than you think. You can do this x

is your work environment still shite?

supportive partner?

So the crux of the work thing - they brought on a lady to fill in for me while I was on mat leave. Same level as me. She was always going to be kept on full time after as company was growing.

I come back and there's an internal vacancy for head of our dept. Both applied but she got it and is now my boss. She's nice enough and everything was handled professionally and appropriately but I was still left feeling rubbish and it stung a lot.

At home partner is supportive, no real issues there.

consider looking for a new job?

I've started looking but not ideal time to make such a move really.

Just annoyed how much this has affected me, literally always questioning my work style and comparing myself to replacement/ new boss

given you sound unhappy and it impacting you in other ways… i would disagree and say it is the ideal time!