Need advice regarding my ex and contact.

[ThatProudNavyLion]

Hiya all. Posting for traffic as I need some advice if there's anyone out there in the know.

I split from my partner of 6 years because of mental abuse.....to cut a long story short we share a now 5 year old daughter and the courts and Caffcass decided he was to be granted indirect contact once a week,the contact being a photo and message of our daughters progress sent to him via a third party on WhatsApp.

The problem is he sends horrible messages on the contact day saying I'm this and that and all names under the sun. Do I really have to put up with this? There's a court order saying he gets indirect contact but surely he can't be allowed to constantly verbally abuse me during this contact? I'm not sure what to do. I've warned him that if he carries on then I will stop the updates and he carried on......so this week I've not sent an update.....and now what?? What do I do? He's messaging me via the 3rd party saying he's going to put me in jail for not sending him the update plus the usual abuse.

Is there anyone out there that can advise?

Sounds like you’ve handled that really well.
For what it’s worth. I think people are giving you ropey legal advice on here, if you’re thinking of going back to court, I would suggest see if you can find a family court barrister or that does a free 30 minute consultation, now your proceedings have been concluded Cafcass won’t be able to advise you. I would always avoid going back to court, your whole order could be changed by a different judge who disagrees with what the last one did.
you have an order that you like at the moment, it is not necessary for your order to state that your ex is not allowed to abuse you. If the third-party was named on the order, personally I would just offer the ex-a different third-party once you’ve worked out who that will be and then otherwise comply with the order
Personally my next step would be to speak to the police and of course you need to find a third-party Who you can trust. Those parenting apps can be good for gathering evidence if necessary but in your case I don’t n is how much good it will do. It won’t stop him being abusive.
The issue here is that you need to be protected, (shamefully) that is not something that the family court is going to be focused on, they are not the organisation to solve this and I would be surprised if what you are describing would lead to them reducing contact further. That’s why a non-molestation order and if necessary criminal proceedings against him is probably going to be a better way to go.
I don’t think you are in danger of getting in any trouble at this stage. I really wouldn’t be worrying about that.
bless you, hang in there it will be okay

Thank you donotneedit I'm really trying to do the best by everyone,mainly my daughter but even my ex. He needs help he really does,with his mental health and drug use but he would never admit that to himself let alone anyone else. He's always taunting me with my mental health problems as if it's a weakness. I'll look into the non molestation order,I did try and get something in place before but they said the problem or act of abuse has to be face to face,it can't be over messages, I just cried and put the phone down. That was 2 years ago. The police were pretty useless.

I've got an app for now just to keep contact going,and I'll definitely take the advice and get some legal advice.

Thank you so so much.

I think this is the app my friend used:
https://www.ourfamilywizard.co.uk/

She had to pay about £9 a month to use it but decided it was worth every penny.

Thank you silentsilhouette I'll look into that.

I've made an appointment at a family law firm today,it's £45 for 30 mins but I'm hoping I'll get some useful advice and be able to put something better in place.

My advice is to report and log all messages with the police . All of them. Ask the court for a non mol order and you can apply yourself. Report all the abuse and messages to SS as well. Been there.

Thank you labracadabra. I tried getting one before but they said they can't issue one over text messages.

Oh course they can it’s malicious communication and harassment - escalate it with the police

Really? I was desperate 2 years ago and was calling anyone I could. I remember having being referred by the police to get a non molestation order in place and the woman over the phone said "I can't put that before a judge,you can't get this order over text messages it has to be a face to face incident" I put the phone down and cried my eyes out.