To have nearly crashed my car and keep panicking

[Charleychops]

So today whilst driving my kids back from swimming I was approaching a light controlled roundabout. I use it regularly. Kids were arguing in the back, I took my eye off the ball and just followed the car in front. I was inches away from crashing into car approaching from the right and had to emergency break. The other car (quite rightly) shouted at me and when I looked at the lights I saw that they were dead. Obviously not working. I keep thinking about it and start shaking. I was so close to what could have been a nasty accident. I don't really know what I'm asking but should I really be reacting like this? Am I being ridiculous?

You made a mistake, we all make them from time to time and, although a scary mistake, no one was hurt. Give yourself a shake, learn from it and move on.

No one is perfect, even if they say they are!
About a year ago I saw a van that had been in my blind spot and I kept re-living what would have been the consequence had I pulled out without a third check. But I didn't. I think these situations are sent to remind us to be super, super safe and your experience is actually a positive.

Today I dod a 2 hour round trip to see my mum. On the way up someone decided to overtake a queue of traffic despite me coming in the opposite direction. Then someone pulled out of a side turning right in front of me and on the way back someone cut me up on a motorway going from the outside lane to a slip road at the last minute. So @Charleychops it seems like you did nothing special.

You had a bit of a shock so that's what your reaction is, it'll calm down in a couple of days, probably a lot after a good sleep so your brain can process it. It's quite normal and your body will probably never let you make that mistake again....just like I cannot go round bends too fast after the time I lost control of my car on an icy bend.

Thanks so much. I will certainly be more aware next time and it's taught me a good lesson.

*brake
not break

Really helpful, thanks.

Your brain is processing what happened. There’s lots of strands to it as we’re aware of what could have happened, embarrassment at the other driver shouting, blaming ourselves for being stupid in the moment and so on. Once your brain processes all of this you’ll move on.
You can try sitting quietly and go through what happened, as if you’re seeing it from above or the roadside. The final outcome is no one was hurt, you’ve learnt a lesson that’ll give you more awareness in the future.

Oh love of course you are reeling. You are trying to process what happened and what could have happened. Give it time.

I had a bump (my only one) a couple of years ago and I had flashbacks for such a long time. Neither of us was badly injured thank goodness. What helped me was being driven past where it happened soon after and talking about it. I said alot of I can't believe it, I never crash. And lots of people said they had.

You made a mistake because you were distracted. We all make mistakes.

Shit happens, OP.

No harm done and a bit of a wake-up call.

I am minded of the speeding thread a few weeks ago, though, where the OP on that thread was torn a new bum hole by holier than thou MNers who were adamant that a few mph over the limit was a heinous crime, whereas pointing out that it's far, far more dangerous to be distracted was shot straight down.

I think even the best drivers make mistakes. If every time a driver made a mistake there was an accident, no one would ever drive again. Luckily, most mistakes can quickly be corrected and/or other drivers will compensate for. This dies not mean mistakes are ok or should be taken lightly. It's just a reminder we are all human. Just like I am an excellent cook but occasionally I forget an ingredient or make a mistake. Obviously, while cooking, this is seldom a big deal. The point is that mistakes happen.

I did something similar to you a few weeks ago. I as absolutely mortified and I am pleased the man who had to adjust for my mistake was gracious in accepting my frantically hand waved apology.

You think that's bad.

A few years ago I was driving down a dual carriageway, lost in my own thoughts. I saw a big American Style motor home parked up in a layby. I was so busy staring at it ( I do love a good motorhome) that I didn't see the traffic stopped in front of me.

I was doing about 40 and had no room to stop. I glanced in the mirror, and by some miracle, the right hand lane was empty. I braked and swerved around a stopped car, all the traction control stuff went off and my car almost rolled. I got it back under control and continued on for a bit until I also had to stop because of the traffic.

This is the worst bit. The car I swerved to avoid, it passed me a few minutes later. It was a little i10, and it had two toddlers in child seats in the back. There is no way they would have survived a 40mph rear end by an SUV.

I was literally a second away from killing two children.

That was a wake up call.

You can react how you like and no one can say it is unreasonable to have strong emotions, as far as I'm concerned.

For your sanity, however, I think you need to breathe deeply, say it didn't happen, lesson learned, and try to move on, every time you get a flashback. I think it's normal to expect that you might get flashbacks.

I can't even imagine how awful that must have felt, seeing the children and knowing what could have happened.

Bless you. I'm the same. I overtook a cyclist a while ago and realised halfway that the road curved a little more than I realised. No cars were coming in the other direction but the 'what if' still spooks me. (And I've done advanced driving so should know better).

It took me months to stop thinking about it at night.

I have a whole new understanding about car accidents now. I know how easily something absolutely catastrophic can happen.

There was an incident back in 2021, an HGV rear ended a queue of traffic on a dual carriageway. Three people were killed, two of them were crushed under the truck. The driver was jailed for four years. That could have been me.

You didn't crash - that's good.
You can use this incident to remind the kids on trips to not argue and why - that's good too.