To feel upset about feeling 2nd best

[Mellowmallow201]

I have a younger sister and she has 2 DC. I am a single parent and have 1 DC and he's the oldest out of them all but they are similar ages.

My Dsis is constantly at my parents house with her DC. 1 starts school this year and the other next year. I don't want to see my parents constantly but feel like me and DS are second best. Whenever I do see my parents now it's all they speak about. About my Dsis and her children, which didn't used to bother me but DM never really texts me or asks how how DS is. Never pops over to say hi even though I don't live far away but will do so with Dsis to see the grandchildren.

I just feel a bit upset. I've been poorly for the past 3 weeks and hardly heard from parents. Yet I know full well they would have seen Dsis and her children most days.

Feel a bit sidelined. Does anyone else have this family dynamic? And also before anyone says yes I do make an effort, I feel like it'd always me texting first or going to see them but never reciprocated back

You did say you don't want to see them constantly, maybe they've picked up on that and so don't just call in? No excuse for not texting to ask how either of you are though, especially if they know you're poorly.

Your sister and her children have a much closer relationship with your parents than you so!

Of course they will be more invested in her and her children.

You've kept yourself at arms length!

This was me OP when my DC were small. I wasn't surprised really as I was always second best to my brothers, then when we all had DC the cycle continued.

I dealt with it by being minimally interested in my brothers kids. So whatever was said about a niece or nephew, my response was "oh really, that's nice. Did I mention that (my DC) won a trophy in sport? We're so proud of them".

I was actually interested in nieces/nephews, I just wanted my parents (well mother mostly) to acknowledge my kids existence and achievements!

I did it so often that I did see some improvement in her attitude.

Don't get me wrong, I used to be really angry and hurt, I just found staying calm and measured achieved a better outcome. I also realised that my brothers were quite boastful about their kids, whereas I wasn't naturally so.

You've sidelined yourself though, no?

I work full time and have my son 50/50 so not really sidelined. Where as Dsis doesn't work and is at parents 24/7. So I would have thought parents might make more of an effort considering they don't get to see us as much