ex husband trying to control my life STILL!!!!!!!!

[yummymummymybum]

hi every1 having probs with my ex husband coming to my house and causing trouble, constant questions what im upto and where im going, tries to get me to admit im seeing end old work colleague when im not. and hes causing arguments in front of my children, one whos his and one whos not, my little boy 19 mths has been very unsettled the past couple of nights since the arguments have started again! hes even got taxi drivers who work for a particular company reporting back to him when and where they have picked me up from and too. its really getting me down!!!!!

You poor thing. He sounds like a git. Can you try talking to him when DS is not around or maybe writing to him saying that you don't want any arguments around your DS. This is not unreasonable. Let him know that this is for your DS's benefit and that it's affecting him. See how he reacts. You could try and take an injunction against him but I wouldn't go down this route unless you have to.

I would not answer any of his questions. If it is definately over between you he needs to accept it and you need to make it clear. What you do is up to you as long as it's not affecting your DS.

Have you had any legal advise? Are you divorced? He sounds very controlling and the sooner you can get him to accept its over the better.

And use a different cab firm! Complain about the old one to the licencing authorities.

oh god yes he wont talk just wants to control and bully me. he used to be a prison officer and got kicked out for bullying and intimidating an inmate!!!! does that tell you wot hes like? had an injunction at the start of the marriage break up, and we've been through court for access of the little one. he just wont let go, we are divorced and have been living seperate from each other prior to this for 1 year. he is just a total control freak

Injunction and/or police intervention
Complain in writing to cab firm

well at last hes left me alone for 1 whole day, no texts or phone calls!!! i havent told any of u that he wanted to pay me for sex the other day!!!! i know i cudnt believe the cheek of him myself, if my little boy hadnt of been there i swear i would of hit him! any way ive called his mum today and told her just what hes been up too. she can be a bit of a dragon so maybe it may do him some good. hes hoping for a miracle eh?????

Why is he calling at your house? If it is to collect DC, can you not arrange for someone else to be in instead? Sounds like you need to try to reduce any opportunity he has to have any interaction with you.

And don't get into discussion with him.

And change your mobile number.

i have actually done all of those before and he always finds an excuse to get number off me or to come to the house, am i just being too bloody soft all the time, cos he knows how to manipulate me all the time. because he is such a bully and control freak i have lost my confidence completely

Poor you . Women's Aid run courses to improve confidence etc - Have you thought about contacting them?

I think he sounds like he's stalking you - get some legal/police advice

My friend split from her partner nearly 2yrs ago and he was very much like this, they have 2 children together, and access was arranged. because she wanted him to be able to get hold of her when he had the children she bought a pay-as-you go mobile, it was only turned on the day before he had the dc (just in case he needed to change times for collection or not turn up) and when he had the children, otherwise she had another number for everyone else, he was the only one that had the p-a-y-g mobile number. he wasnt allowed to pick the children up from her house either, because he would find an excuse to come in, and would take ages before she could get him out, or he would want to 'look' around to make sure the childrens rooms were clean/or not. the children were picked up from her mums house.

He sounds as though he bordering on stalking you, and taking an unnecessary amount of interest in things which are nothing to do with him.

My sister had to endure two years of this before she finally resorted to the law. I recommend that you do not wait this long- contact your local police force if you are concerned about his behaviour and ask to speak to the domestic violence unit- they should be able to advise you. This is particulalrly relevant if he is follwoing you or having you followed, which amounts to harassment and is in itself a prosecutable criminal offense.

This may seem extreme, but there are enough cases every year of former partners turning nasty to justify them taking it very seriously. Remember, you did NOT bring this on yourself- it is not your fault he does not know how behave in a sane manner. What you are able to do about it is not accept/ condone/ reinforce this behaviour.

To avoid reinforcing it, you must treat him like a toddler and try to work out what he getting from the behaviour, and then work on NOT giving him his reward. He may kick up a fuss at first and insist, but do not give in. If he gets his kicks from quizzing you about your life and making you squirm, refuse to answer any questions. Just say calmly that it is none of his business- do not respond in any way, even negatively.

He has not business coming into your house. Do not let him in if you do not want to. As someone else has said, you could arrange for the children to be picked up from a third party's house.

I really feel for you- do not think that you caused this- that is what he would have you believe, but it is not true.

One last thing: if you have any reason to suspect that he might become violent towards you or the children, do not do any of the above, but seek help and advice from the domestic violence unit first!!!