Page 2 | To ask if this is common for bpd sufferss

Gwenhwyfar · 12/05/2024 14:29

Bunnyhair · 11/05/2024 09:45

I have a lifelong friend with BPD and I can tell you how her behaviour can feel to me at times, and how she experiences it very differently.

When she is in crisis she will tell me that I (along with anyone else important in her life) have abandoned her and she is utterly alone and friendless. She will tell me she is drinking dangerous amounts and not eating, and is living in desperate poverty. That she is in relentless physical pain. That she has been screaming and crying and acting out in public places and isn’t safe. (Her partner often tells me that this is not the case and she has been in bed for days quietly scrolling on her phone).

She will beg me to go and see her - and then when I have dropped everything and travelled across the country to help she will refuse to answer the door and turn her phone off. Once I’ve ascertained from her partner that she is alive, but simply too overwhelmed to see anyone, I go home. Which she understands as my having abandoned her. And then she won’t speak to me for months - until one day she sends me a lighthearted meme on Instagram and we have to pretend nothing ever happened because she has selective mutism when it comes to talking about these episodes.

To me this can feel like I am being manipulated. And it is enormously stressful and exhausting. I feel taken for granted and generally fucked about.

But there is no doubt that she is feeling absolutely terrified in those moments. And she is feeling extreme physical and emotional pain. It’s a rotten condition and a disability. She is not in her right mind when she’s in this state and unfortunately there isn’t anything I or anyone else can do to help that doesn’t end up playing into her paranoia about being alone and abandoned and unloved.

I love her to bits. But it is hard.

Yep, I have a friend who will call mutual friends saying she's suicidal and making them feel terrible if they miss the call or don't go to her immediately. She's never done it to me because I've told her I will call the police and they will take her to the hospital again.

Tanyahawkes · 12/05/2024 14:32

Cruelsummer7 · 11/05/2024 00:06

Just want to say I have nothing against people suffering from
this awful condition. I just have a question is it common for them
to want to be viewed as high risk and talk a lot about their harmful behaviours in detail? Also to lie about how bad something they did was?

Can I clarify if you mean borderline personality disorder, or bi polar disorder? I’ve seen both referred to as bpd and they are different in majority of ways

Celticliving · 12/05/2024 14:53

I've got BPD; I am also a nanny and a church minister so I am able to live a relatively normal life.

However, I go through periods of extreme anxiety, needing constant reassurance and love and going through the 'I love you/I hate you' phase.

I HATE the word 'manipulative' when describing someone with BPD. None of us 'want' to be manipulative; and that word insinuates that we know what we are doing. I might come across as manipulative when I'm having an episode; but I am not purposely behaving that way. I can't help it.

I don't lie. If I tell you that I want to kill myself then I genuinely mean it. I may have been fine 5 minutes beforehand; but that's BPD for you. It's very similar to Bi-polar disorder, where you have extreme highs and lows, except with BPD the highs and lows generally don't last as long - it can literally fluctuate over a matter of minutes. It's bloody exhausting.

I know how lucky I am to have the friendship group that I have. They put boundaries in place to protect themselves and to protect me. Between them, they've got me when I'm falling, no matter how I behave. I love them so much.

ashitghost · 12/05/2024 14:59

Do you mean Bipolar Disorder or Borderline Personality Disorder? I think people on here are posting about two different things?

Tanyahawkes · 12/05/2024 15:09

Celticliving · 12/05/2024 14:53

I've got BPD; I am also a nanny and a church minister so I am able to live a relatively normal life.

However, I go through periods of extreme anxiety, needing constant reassurance and love and going through the 'I love you/I hate you' phase.

I HATE the word 'manipulative' when describing someone with BPD. None of us 'want' to be manipulative; and that word insinuates that we know what we are doing. I might come across as manipulative when I'm having an episode; but I am not purposely behaving that way. I can't help it.

I don't lie. If I tell you that I want to kill myself then I genuinely mean it. I may have been fine 5 minutes beforehand; but that's BPD for you. It's very similar to Bi-polar disorder, where you have extreme highs and lows, except with BPD the highs and lows generally don't last as long - it can literally fluctuate over a matter of minutes. It's bloody exhausting.

I know how lucky I am to have the friendship group that I have. They put boundaries in place to protect themselves and to protect me. Between them, they've got me when I'm falling, no matter how I behave. I love them so much.

My partner is borderline too, he experiences similar to what you describe, it’s exhausting for him, I know that any exhaustion I feel as his partner is nothing to what he experiences. I’m glad you have a support network, it’s needed, especially when you are feeling all sorts of things about yourself and could do with someone giving you that reassurance that there is nothing wrong with you. My partner always says to me “what’s wrong with me?” I tell him, nothing, your brain is just being a dickhead to you atm (excuse the language if this is not the way you would speak)

Tanyahawkes · 12/05/2024 15:17

Cruelsummer7 · 11/05/2024 00:06

Just want to say I have nothing against people suffering from
this awful condition. I just have a question is it common for them
to want to be viewed as high risk and talk a lot about their harmful behaviours in detail? Also to lie about how bad something they did was?

If as I suspect you may mean borderline personality disorder and not bi polar disorder, then yes it is typical, although lieing I think varies by person, a lot of people with borderline pd have issues where they are accused of being manipulative, liars, attention seeking, some people may do, from my experience it’s a person thing not a bpd thing, and a lot of the time the people saying these things are not close enough to see the way it is, cannot understand how bpd people suffer daily. If they are giving a lot of information they might need someone to listen to them and see past certain behaviours, and yes a lot of them are high risk, to themselves, most bpd sufferers will not tell someone they feel suicidal if they don’t, sometimes it’s in the wording though, my partner doesn’t tell me he will kill himself, he words it that he feels like killing himself, it’s his way of telling me the intrusive thoughts are at their worst, he’s also assured me that me and the kids keep him from trying anything