My husband wants to quit his job

Sarahderbyshire1 · 2024-05-10T22:23:48+00:00

My husband and I have 2 children together 7 & 4 I was the one to take maternity leave for 10 months with one and 12 with the other. I was able to use holidays so I always had some form of income which was put into the pot for food and bills. We are now in a position whereby I earn a good salary. My husband has recently started a new job which he doesn't like, from day 1 he wanted to quit without giving it a chance. I've told him he shouldn't quit without having something else in place to which he said he doesn't want to work anymore as he's done his fair share with me taking maternity leave. I would have loved to have not worked whilst the boys were toddlers and not in school but on the few occasions I mentioned it I was shot down. Am I being unreasonable as he says I am?

LeopardPrintTits · 10/05/2024 23:30

While it isn’t a nice situation to be in a job you hate, I think he needs to think of you and your DC first.

Perhaps he could start applying to other jobs but continue working at his current job so that he’s still earning but also finding a way out?

Has he said why he doesn’t like the job? If it’s the role itself, then that’s difficult, because I suspect a lot of people don’t like their jobs! If it’s a people or workplace culture issue then I’d be more inclined to recommend he finds a new job.

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/05/2024 23:34

He needs to get a new job first. He’s got responsibilities, he chose to have two kids and he needs to contribute to supporting them. Comparing this to maternity is ridiculous and very petty.

TowerStork · 11/05/2024 00:18

It's very hard to respond to that without knowing the context of your financial situation/security and the reasons why he hates his job. I'm not writing that to ask for your personal information. It's just that you can't take any response seriously without factoring those things in.

That said, it seems very unfair to pit maternity leave against you as you present it

InWalksBarberalla · 11/05/2024 00:20

I'd worry if he quit you'll be supporting him forever.

Medschoolmum · 11/05/2024 00:24

I don't think it's fair for either partner to unilaterally decide that they want to stop working. Mat leave is not really comparable.

He is not BU to want to quit, but if you aren't happy to support him to be a SAHP, they he has no right to demand it. I would say exactly the same thing if it was you unilaterally wanting to quit.

Sounds like he needs to look for a different job!

Tamigotxh · 11/05/2024 00:25

I don’t get why he’s comparing it to maternity. Firstly maternity was a necessary thing for you to recover from childbirth and take care of your /his children.

And secondly you still had an income.

He’s Proposing to leave his job as he doesn’t like it - not to look after the kids and he won’t have any income.

Apples and oranges really.

BlackPanther75 · 10/08/2024 16:18

My wife said she wanted to leave her professional job 2.5 years ago. I supported her saying if she said she had to leave that job then I believed her, she had to leave it

first she did a cleaning job, then worked as a class room assistant. Both basically minimum wage and part time. She’s done a block with a career coach and decided she wants to start selling crafty things she makes.

Now she works 2 days a week minimum wage in a bank and does crafts. She hasn’t made any attempt to sell any. Even if she did she isn’t going to be earning a decent living selling crafts with our overheads.

In the mean time we are low on disposable income, so I’m limited what i can do, we have little to no savings, and i hate my job which i know have to stay in because she’s done sweet FA.

You definitely need to agree a plan and what’s going to happen before he does quit. What his plan is, what the time scale is, and what plan b and c are. I was too trusting and too ‘supportive’ and we’re struggling to get out of the mess we’re now in. I’m very resentful of her lack of earning. It could well lead to us divorcing. We have 2 young children

YellowRoom · 10/08/2024 16:23

Did he expect you to work whilst the babies cared for themselves?

PumpkinPie2016 · 10/08/2024 16:23

Maternity leave and quitting your job entirely are totally different things!

It's obviously not nice that he hates his job but when you have a house/bills/kids, you can't just go quitting with no plan.

Why doesn't he like the job? Is the role itself? If so, he needs to look for something else, maybe something he has done before.

If it's the workplace culture/people, he needs to look for a similar role elsewhere.

StormingNorman · 10/08/2024 16:26

If you can afford for him to be a SAHP, you should consider it.

Mickey79 · 10/08/2024 17:03

Is your income high enough to support him being a sahp? If it is something you can afford to do, I don’t think you should rule it out as a possibility.

Tamigotxh · 10/08/2024 17:55

Why should Op consider it?

One child is in primary school and the other will soon be in school if not already. It’s super convenient the husband wants to stay at home now when the kids will both be in school for a good chunk of the day.

Aside from her paid maternity that she spent looking after the babies, she didn’t get the chance to stop working when the kids were younger despite her expressing her wish to do spend more time with the kids.

His attitude of “well you had maternity leave so it’s my turn now ” is very petty and seems to lack understanding of what mat leave is about.

I don’t think someone like this is going to be a good SAHP, because aside from the fact both his kids will be at school soon, he hasn’t expressed a desire to spend more time with his kids. He has just had enough of working and thinks it’s his turn to “not work” because OP spent 10 and 12 months at home looking after his babies!

@Sarahderbyshire1 how did things work out in the end? Did he quit his job?

LoremIpsumCici · 10/08/2024 17:59

I don’t think he understands that SAHP is hard work! Maternity leave is less work than having school age children imho. School age means schedules, uniforms, projects, homework, friendships/bullying…it is much more regimented and a lot more can go wrong.

BlackPanther75 · 10/08/2024 18:19

LoremIpsumCici · 10/08/2024 17:59

I don’t think he understands that SAHP is hard work! Maternity leave is less work than having school age children imho. School age means schedules, uniforms, projects, homework, friendships/bullying…it is much more regimented and a lot more can go wrong.

Most of us with kids have to do all that plus hold down a full time time job.

It’s definitely easier to be a stay at home parent than work full time plus share the parenting

Eyeballpaula · 10/08/2024 18:42

He needs another job/ plan lined up. Why does he not like the job?

What has his previous employment been like? Is this a reoccurring pattern?

How much does he understand of your family finances?

My husband has changed career twice and I've supported him with it - with clear discussion of expectations. He wanted to quit without any plan or go back to uni to retrain with little thought of future career plans.

He was lucky to get a job which supported his training and its turned out OK. Had I let him quit/ go back to uni we would have spent thousands on a course he didn't need for the job.

LoremIpsumCici · 10/08/2024 18:45

BlackPanther75 · 10/08/2024 18:19

Most of us with kids have to do all that plus hold down a full time time job.

It’s definitely easier to be a stay at home parent than work full time plus share the parenting

Show quote history

Depends on the job. 😜
Too the DH said he “didn’t want to work anymore” - he would be in for a shock if he thinks SAHP is not work at all.

StormingNorman · 10/08/2024 21:58

Tamigotxh · 10/08/2024 17:55

Why should Op consider it?

One child is in primary school and the other will soon be in school if not already. It’s super convenient the husband wants to stay at home now when the kids will both be in school for a good chunk of the day.

Aside from her paid maternity that she spent looking after the babies, she didn’t get the chance to stop working when the kids were younger despite her expressing her wish to do spend more time with the kids.

His attitude of “well you had maternity leave so it’s my turn now ” is very petty and seems to lack understanding of what mat leave is about.

I don’t think someone like this is going to be a good SAHP, because aside from the fact both his kids will be at school soon, he hasn’t expressed a desire to spend more time with his kids. He has just had enough of working and thinks it’s his turn to “not work” because OP spent 10 and 12 months at home looking after his babies!

@Sarahderbyshire1 how did things work out in the end? Did he quit his job?

Edited

What about all the SAHM who have busy and valuable roles in the home after their kids start school? Are they just work shy too, or do you reserve that judgement for SAHD?

Sharkattack1888 · 14/10/2024 22:48

BlackPanther75 · 10/08/2024 16:18

My wife said she wanted to leave her professional job 2.5 years ago. I supported her saying if she said she had to leave that job then I believed her, she had to leave it

first she did a cleaning job, then worked as a class room assistant. Both basically minimum wage and part time. She’s done a block with a career coach and decided she wants to start selling crafty things she makes.

Now she works 2 days a week minimum wage in a bank and does crafts. She hasn’t made any attempt to sell any. Even if she did she isn’t going to be earning a decent living selling crafts with our overheads.

In the mean time we are low on disposable income, so I’m limited what i can do, we have little to no savings, and i hate my job which i know have to stay in because she’s done sweet FA.

You definitely need to agree a plan and what’s going to happen before he does quit. What his plan is, what the time scale is, and what plan b and c are. I was too trusting and too ‘supportive’ and we’re struggling to get out of the mess we’re now in. I’m very resentful of her lack of earning. It could well lead to us divorcing. We have 2 young children

Edited

I take it that as u have 2 young children, she is looking after them? I've school drop offs pick ups etc?