Respecting parents ?

[doorwaystanding]

I was talking to my dad the other day.. long back story, which I don't want to share here.

He basically told me that, because he's my father, he can do anything he wants- good or bad and I still need to respect him. Because he's my father.

If I don't respect him, say by pulling him up on his bullshit, or doing anything he considers to be disrespectful, then I'm in the wrong and a disrespectful offspring and should be ashamed of myself. He will cut me out of his life.

Everything I am, good or bad, is because of him.

Sounds narcissistic right?

He's done some awful, awful stuff. If he gets pulled up on it, I'm in the wrong, according to him.

I’d be ignoring him as much as possible and aiming to go low contact if at all possible.

Respect needs to be earned. I wouldn't bother much with him. He has a disgusting attitude.

I’d have cut ties long ago.

My df once asked when I was going to buy him a Father's Day card. I said when he starts acting like a df.... No respect earned. None given.

Yuck. His attitude sucks

He said that's how he grew up. You respected your parents, no matter what they did.

Well you didn't respect them you did as you were bloody well told or you'd get a thick ear.
They saw it as respect.

As the saying goes…

If the truth hurts you ain’t living right.

This.

Nope.

No one on the planet can do whatever they like. There are always laws and rules.

Respect is earned not demanded.

Never heard this but it's spot on😁 I can't respect anyone who thinks they should be given respect no questions

Sounds like my MIL. Fine for her to scream insults at me as she’s 57 and I’m 33 and I’m not allowed to respond or say anything because she’s older than me.

nice lady.

Totally agree with a PP that respect needs to be earned. Simply being a parent is a pre-requisite.

My mother is an alcoholic and has been for my entire life - when things are bad she pulls out the "I'm still your mother - you should respect me" card but I just don't believe it. Too many terrible things have happened and now I have kids of my own I can't imagine putting them through what my Mum put me through.

My father and his partner said the same to me 13 years ago. I haven't seen them since and they've never met any of their grandchildren.
The people who demand respect are usually the least deserving of it.

You should only respect your parents if they have earned that respect.
I'm guessing if you were to do something amazing it would be done to him whereas if you fucked up it would be down to you

Respect is earned, not inherited. It's also not an absolute. You can respect someone's work ethic for example , but still not agree or respect all their behaviours.