Have I missed the memo or has becoming a dad become a diagnosable disorder?

[FluentRubyDog]

I'm sitting here, by my baby's cotside in hospital, where we've been pretty much round the clock for the last 3 months and still no discharge in sight.

In the meantime, DH has managed to turn into a royal pain in the proverbial. He's whinging I don't let him do anything, like changing a nappy, but even if I engage him to a 50-50 division to a task, he's moaning he never gets to change a nappy on his own. I step back, let him do it all, then he's having a meltdown about me not helping him?!?

If I actually ask him to do something for me, he'll be uuming and aahing and checking his phone and procrastinating for Britain. Of course, baby can't wait until he gets a move on, so I get on with it and he goes all arsey.

Then he wants me to express so he can feed the baby too, even though I can't get him to pass me a tissue after expressing. Not to mention the faces he makes about the prices of (non-mastitis inducing) pumps we'll have to buy a pump for home once discharged.

He goes on about toys and rocking chairs, but when I talk about important stuff, like a decent baby monitor, suddenly "we have to be careful with the finances" (BTW, we're both full time employed, although I'm on a maternity leave now, of course).

Put my foot down today and read him the riot act. He got the ice queen face and suddenly I was talking about getting my ducks in a row, pointedly looking at the fine details of my banking app and informing him I wanted us to go through our documents together until he was googling VERY expensive bags with a panic stricken face.

Don't get me wrong, any more of this and he will be shown the door in no uncertain terms. But why do the men do this? Even in a simple , uncomplicated pregnancy and straightforward birth it is so hard to get through it all. Why is there this need to turn oneself into a prize rectum?

And yes, we're married, this was a very much planned and wanted baby on both sides. Not that I have anything against any other choices whatsoever, I'm just preempting questions with this.

Rant over. Just needed to offload somewhere. Carry on.

Not all men are like this, unfortunately you've just procreated with one who is.
By the time my son was 3 months old my husband changed as many nappies as I had. Maybe even more . Because I made it very clear to him that this was a joint effort , I wasn't going to be doing it alone and him along for the ride . Time to tell your dh similar, shape up or ship out

Maybe cut him a break. He’s as worried about the baby as you. All the hours sitting next to your baby in NICU and everyone will be asking how you are doing and showing you what to do and leaving him out.

When our baby was in NICU I was lucky enough to be given a camp bed next to her. My DH had to commute everyday as we were transferred to a hospital in London. One day he had a huge meltdown about parking. He didn’t mean it. It was just the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Neither of you are in the right headspace to be making huge decisions. Just get through each day. Sort the equipment later. You probably won’t use a monitor for quite a while after getting home. The baby will always be with either of you.