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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be cross that FIL wants DH to provide taxi service at 4am

31 replies

Honeymum · 03/04/2008 11:24

DH is living with FIL & MIL at the moment (working up there you see). He has a 45 minute commute from their house. FIL has told him that he must give them a lift at 4am on Monday morning so they can catch a coach (they are going on holiday). It's not to save money, but they think using a taxi (thereby advertising that they are going away) is some sort of security risk. This is nothwithstanding the fact that DH will be living at their house whilst they are away for much of the time.
AIBU? DH does loads of driving as it is. He will have a whole day at work ahead of him after a 4 am start, and this will be the day after the weekend when he will have been down to see us, 100 miles away. He feels he can't say no because he's living there, gratis (complicated situation - we didn't plan for it to happen).
Sorry to go on but I am

OP posts:

beaniesteve · 03/04/2008 11:26

Seeing as he is living there for free (I assume this mean free meals etc) then I think one early car trip shouldn't be a problem.

I would only get annoyed if it was something they asked for often.

RubySlippers · 03/04/2008 11:27

FIL can't demand your DH does it -
may be nice if he could but your DH isn't 2 and can't be made to do anything

If your DH is leaving there rent free etc, then perhaps they don't feel bad for asking for a favour IYSWIM?

OrmIrian · 03/04/2008 11:28

If they really did tell him 'he must give them a lift' I would agree with you.

But if they asked him and he felt obliged to agree in the circs then perhaps YABU.

Twiglett · 03/04/2008 11:28

it's between your FIL and his Son .. stay well out of it and do not get cross about it

it is not that unreasonable a request, but it would not be that unreasonable for his son to say no either

kitbit · 03/04/2008 11:29

Sorry, I know you are worried for your dh but I think you are being a little unreasonable. One early start of 4am won't do too much damage, it is to repay the favour of living there, and by the sounds of it they don't ask him to do it often. If I were in his position I would do the trip, and probably feel it was fair to be asked, sorry!

McDreamy · 03/04/2008 11:29

I would do it for my mum and dad so I guess I don't think it's unreasonable.

wheresthehamster · 03/04/2008 11:29

I would have expected him to offer in the first place.

nervousal · 03/04/2008 11:30

its up to your DH - if he's happy to do it then whats the problem? I've got one of those DPs who finds it impossible to say no to anyone -he's always doing jobs for other folk with little or no thanks for it. But its his choice.

VictorianSqualor · 03/04/2008 11:41

I thought this was quite common?
People taking family to airports or coach stations for holidays?
I know if I was going away DP would ask his mum or dad to take us and they'd do it, as would we if they asked us.
It's just one favour.

MotherFunk · 03/04/2008 11:55

Message withdrawn

sitdownpleasegeorge · 03/04/2008 12:03

YABU and it would be better to let your dh decide for himself as after all it is his parents.

Trust me, no good will come of making known your opinion as to whether this is a reasonable or unreasonable request

WendyWeber · 03/04/2008 12:08

Did FIL really say to DH "you must give us a lift" or was it just reported to you by DH that "I've got to take them to catch the coach"??? (Which is different)

Either way YABU I'm afraid...

How far away is the coach? Would he have time to nip back to bed for a couple of hours before work?

MotherFunk · 03/04/2008 12:14

Message withdrawn

horsish · 03/04/2008 12:50

I think YABU.

This is standard stuff in many families I know including mine. We just don't do "real" taxis to the airport/bus/train station (45 min away)and always help each other out with lifts at any hour of the night or day.

I would have offered in the first place.

LilRedWG · 03/04/2008 12:54

I'm afraid you are being unreasonable, it's just returning a favour.

My FIL, bless him, drove me from Birmingham to Gatwick on a Sunday morning because I didn't feel safe with the particular chauffeur who was due to drive me down there that week. Pretentious, moi?

clam · 03/04/2008 12:57

Give and take. My MIl always used to ask for lifts to airports (and sometimes that meant Gatwick, an hour and a half away... anf back) and DH (usually, but often BIL, and sometimes me with DCs in tow) did it without question. But then she spent a huge amount of her time doing things for us and the DCs. Why would we not help her out too?

Laino · 03/04/2008 12:58

Well I know my neighnbour has a 'thing' about getting taxi's to airports etc. But she did have an attempted burglary by the man from the taxi office - interrupted red handed by several neighbours! So it's understandable.

BetteNoir · 03/04/2008 13:01

I would give my parents a lift to the airport/coach at any time they asked me to.

And they live an hour away from me.

And if I was living in their house, I would definitely do it.

If your DH doesn't want to, he should tell his parents, rather than moaning to you about it.

And he can have an early night on the Monday - it's just one day!

CountessDracula · 03/04/2008 13:02

can't he give them a lift to the local taxi firm and then go back to bed?!

malovitt · 03/04/2008 13:08

Can't your DH get up at 4am to wave them off , thereby showing the taxi driver that the house is not going to be empty?

laura032004 · 03/04/2008 13:13

Haven't read whole thread.

I would always give someone a lift to the airport. Not because it saves money (which it does), but it's a nice start to the holiday to not have to worry about taxis etc. Have never thought about the security angle, which I suppose is a valid point as well.

I don't think that the fact he's had a 100 mile drive the day before matters much, that doesn't seem far IMO. If he goes to bed at 9pm, that's still a good nights sleep.

Original poster

Honeymum · 03/04/2008 13:31

So, thumbs down it is. Lots of good points, thank you. DH wasn't given the choice btw. It's not that far away, and he could go back to bed for an hour I suppose. I suggested he offer to pay for the taxi (will be about £10 I think)!!

I remain fed up on his behalf but chastened by fellow mumsnetters. My mouth is firmly shut though.

OP posts:

Kewcumber · 03/04/2008 13:37

"I didn't feel safe with the particular chauffeur who was due to drive me down there that week" Lilred - how many chauffeurs do you have exactly?!

Original poster

Honeymum · 03/04/2008 14:58

To Bettenoir - He did tell him parents, btw. And he's only told me because it means that he has to go back on Sunday night instead of staying until Monday.

OP posts:

WendyWeber · 03/04/2008 15:16

Oh you didn't say he would not have had to go back until Mon morning otherwise - it sounded as if he normally went back on Sunday evening.

In that case YANBSU after all

(But he still has to do it according to collective MN wisdom )

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