Can't be bothered being nice to people anymore

[Seeyouinadarknight]

Not saying I'm going to start being rude, nasty or aggressive as that's not the answer, but I just feel like being nice gets you nowhere.

I do feel that I am intelligent, interesting and have a good sense of humour too, and people generally like me, but I seem to give off some kind of vibe.

It sounds petty but I've decided I'm going to not feel I always have to reply to people, because I am very used to people stopping replying to me in the middle of a conversation, and to being the only one who contacts them first.
It sounds dramatic but I'm going to stop replying to something that requires an answer and see if it changes anything.

I'm happy to help at work- colleagues in my team usually look to me for help, it might be in part because I'm older, some of them this is their first ever job. However sometimes I feel a bit taken advantage of and that they do like me, think I'm nice etc. But wouldn't go out of their way to spend time with me or anything.

I would say I'm sociable, I try to arrange things and I have a laugh with people at work.
This probably does make me sound bitter and petty but I'm just a bit down. There really is something to be said for not giving a damn and not having to try.

I don't need to be so quick to help colleagues all the time, for instance. I shouldn't care if they like me or not.

A lot of bad stuff has happened to me and I meet a lot of people in crises that you wouldn’t know about, I always think people might have their own private troubles going on in the background. It’s probably very dark! I’ve never questioned it!

I’ve had this conversation today - basically holding other people to your personal standards of behaviour/common sense/capability/intelligence is only going to result in frustration and disappointment for you!
As long as people are being basically decent, it’s unreasonable to expect anything else/more and it’s more productive to focus on meeting people where they are at, especially in a work setting
hope you are getting some help for your depression OP

@Coatsoff42 I get what you're saying, better to try to imagine why someone is behaving like a dick and sometimes the only excuse would be an emergency.

@Seeyouinadarknight I honestly think your depression is colouring how you are seeing your relationship with your colleagues and I hope you are getting some help.

Would it be appropriate to say “Welcome to peri-menopause,” @Seeyouinadarknight ?

No longer dancing to others’ tunes, not being everyone’s Work Mum or Default Support Human anymore, and realising no one else has be be a people pleaser, so why do you… textbook peri symptoms.

Embrace it, it’s great.

Did you not even read her posts, she’s suffering depression and everything is getting on top of her. And no one I know behaved as you describe due to peri. Not everything women suffer is due to periods, hormones, peri or meno.

Yes, I did.

I was told I had depression. And everything was getting on top of me. And I was worn down to the bone.

GPs are notoriously over- prescribing antidepressants to menopausal women because so little medical research was done on the topic and so few GPs are well informed about it. Hell, it’s an OPTIONAL 2 week unit in medical schools in England (or was when my niece trained.)

I got HRT and it turned out it was exhaustion, joint pain, poor sleep, rage and impatience and a general “fuck this shit” attitude thanks to peri menopause. My life is SO much better.

Most of my friends have felt the same, it’s only over a bottle or two of wine that we opened up and discovered it was a shared experience.

OP, if it is possibly menopause, get to your GP. You might find HRT can help - as if there’s a menopause specialist attached to your practice.

It doesn't sound petty at all, just say I don't know. Perhaps explore why you felt you had to help in the first place. Sounds like people pleasing which is usually trauma based - well shit childhood based.