My exH had an affair including sneaking behind my back for months & making up elaborate lies. He stopped seeing the OW when I found out. He stayed with me for few months whilst he swore on DC lives he was telling the truth about something repeatedly but it was a lie. He now is married to the OW & the three of us amicable coparent.
I used to be naive but now am aware of lots more people IRL who have had affairs.
Since then I’ve had one longish term relationship where I thought I completely trusted DP. However, he didn’t test my trust as he mostly just worked at home, looked after his kids or was with me. I ended it as we didn’t want the same things.
I’m now seeing someone else and everything is going really well except I’m struggling to trust him. He knows I was cheated on but I haven’t explained the extent of the lies & how much it’s impacted me. As far as I’m aware he’s always told the truth to me but I’m really wary. I think this is as most of his closer friends are female (a couple of which he had feelings for in the past) and as he means a lot to me so I don’t want it to end.
To give you an example, he’s been very reliable in terms of meeting me when we’ve arranged a date but one time something came up with his DC so he couldn’t make it. I got worried that this was a cover story and actually he was doing something else. I know this is very unlikely and in the cold light of day I can be rational about it but when I didn’t hear from him all day (I usually would get a few messages) it made me worried.
AIBU in thinking that over time I will be able to trust again, that guys can have female friends without it being anymore & that not all men lie & cheat?
Any suggestions on how to trust again would be greatly appreciated.