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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What can I do to help this family where the dad is abusive?

16 replies

fao · 08/05/2024 20:40

In AIBU for traffic

I live in a different city to this family but a relative of the wife has just phoned to say the husband has been having a go at their 15 year old son.

He said the son doesn't deserve to live anymore and God doesn't want him on the Earth. He then let out their pet cat who is an indoor cat. And then locked his wife, 15 year old son and 8 year old son in the house and left with the key.

The 15 year old climbed out the window to look for his cat and has now gone to the relatives house.

The mum/wife has divorced the husband 'religiously" but not legally. The husband is due to move out tomorrow. I suspect he is doing this now so someone will do something rash. The wife has (over her 20 year marriage) developed some kind of mental health problem probably because her husband abused her so much. He has threatened to tear up his sons school books (he has GCSEs coming up). The young boy is crying at the relatives house right now. Would appreciate any advice.

The mum, as nice as she is, is being a little unhelpful at the moment and isn't calling the police etc. Anyway, what can I do to help? Is there somewhere I can report him regarding the young boy's safety?

many thanks in advance

OP posts:
Caffeineneedednow · 08/05/2024 20:42

Call the police, give details of the property

Then call social services

Sapphire387 · 08/05/2024 20:42

Social services at the local council where they live?

Octavia64 · 08/05/2024 20:42

Police

Social services

Caffeineneedednow · 08/05/2024 20:43

Also forgot to say when a woman leaves is the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship and the time where they are most likely to be killed. So tell the police everything you have said here

StripeySoc · 08/05/2024 21:31

If it's a religious thing then focus on getting the DC away from both of them

The wife is as bad as her abusive husband I'm afraid because she's not allowing help

She's letting it happen

Those DC need to be removed

StripeySoc · 08/05/2024 21:31

Police and social services

Get those DC away focus on them for now

StripeySoc · 08/05/2024 21:32

If it's an area heavily populated by the same religion then it's going to be hard to navigate this

DaisyChain505 · 08/05/2024 21:36

100% police. When a woman leaves an abusive relationship this is the time she is most likely to be killed.

Sapphire387 · 08/05/2024 21:38

StripeySoc · 08/05/2024 21:31

If it's a religious thing then focus on getting the DC away from both of them

The wife is as bad as her abusive husband I'm afraid because she's not allowing help

She's letting it happen

Those DC need to be removed

Please don't victim-blame.

StormingNorman · 08/05/2024 21:47

999

Social Services

WomensAid

fao · 08/05/2024 23:17

StripeySoc · 08/05/2024 21:32

If it's an area heavily populated by the same religion then it's going to be hard to navigate this

It's not. It's quite a white affluent area

OP posts:
fao · 08/05/2024 23:17

StripeySoc · 08/05/2024 21:31

If it's a religious thing then focus on getting the DC away from both of them

The wife is as bad as her abusive husband I'm afraid because she's not allowing help

She's letting it happen

Those DC need to be removed

She has really bad mental health problems. She's doing her absolute best

OP posts:
HarrietSchulenberg · 08/05/2024 23:39

If you haven't already done so, ring the police. You have information that a vulnerable woman and an 8yo child have been locked in a house by an abusive man. None of us, including you, know if they are safe. If you think the information is credible, then call.
If the 15yo is safe with other relatives tonight then I'd call Children's Services at their local council tomorrow and report what you know. They will explore further through the children's schools and the police should also contact them about their own callout, but you need to call anyway in case there's a delay.

Foxlover46 · 08/05/2024 23:48

This is scary knowing they are like sitting ducks for this man , please please we theilife round to them
To keep them safe

Foxlover46 · 08/05/2024 23:48

*ring the police

fao · 09/05/2024 08:47

Hello all,
Just to update - I phoned the police and went over there. I wasn't the first person to call though, they already knew about it. And social services are already aware. And the wife's community mental health team know. The husband didn't return to the house last night afaik.

OP posts:
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