Genetic Condition VS DF

[crochetcatcrazy]

So I will try and keep this short.

I dont have the most wonderful relationship with my DF he was in and out my life growing up. He was married 4 times and has 5 children and divorced my mum 30 odd years ago - I am the youngest. He is now nearing 80, seems totally switched on but I am seriously struggling to get him to understand my recent diagnosis.

Last year I was diagnosed with a rare genetic condition that causes endocrine tumours - I discovered a lump, I had treatment and surgery and doing much better. It requires life long annual checks to keep on top of anything horrible cropping up.

my DM has had the genetic test and it isn't her which means it is 100% from my father and does not skip generations. I have been trying to have this conversation with him for months now. It is really important for him to get tested to then allow the checks to begin - without the test he wont be able to have MRIs and bloods.

He is adamant it cant be him - stating 'nothing has ever happened to his family like this (even though his father died of cancer 40 years ago) I think he feels like I am 'accusing' him of doing this to me but I am concerned about his health. I think part of him is genuinely scared, I get this - I have been through it! But I am really struggling not to loose my rag at the situation and with an average relationship at best I don't want to fall out with him.

AIBU, should I just let it go because at his age he might not care, is too scared etc.

He lives far away and we are due to meet up in a few weeks - he is currently ignoring me - shall I still meet him? Assuming he wants to meet up that is!

My other siblings are now being tested so his DC are not hinged on his result.

He is an adult. While you may disagree with it, his health and medical management is his own business.

At his age, let it go. He doesn’t want to know right now - should something happen to him in the future please know that you have made the effort to warn him, and that is all you can do, it is out of your hands.

thank you @GardenGnomeDefender and @Thinkonmadam I think this is what I want to do I just dont want to have not tried you know.

totally is his body his life his wishes but I didnt want to feel in the wrong for not caring/trying

My mum denied and lied about having any serious health conditions in her immediate and extended family. Some of it was important for us when our children were younger and we were in the process of multiple diagnoses to see if it was bad luck with genes (ie: asthma from one side of my family, high myopia from the other), or whether there was a more sinister syndrome present.

Now she denies and blatantly lies that there has been any breast cancer or diabetes risks, even when an aunt died of breast cancer and all 4 of her sisters have diabetes. Why she lies, I do not know.

Also, she is in denial about her own health - covered with skin cancers (Aussie sun) but refuses to get them seen or removed. And so on...

Just give your dad the facts and leave it to him. As a PP said, he is an adult. Your info, his choice.

He’s nearly 80 so I’d feel iv given him the information and it’s up to him whether he wants to follow it up. Unless he becomes incapacitated in which case I’d tell doctors if I was helping in that capacity.

as for seeing him yes if you want to but be ready for the fact that if you don’t drop it or keep pressing him or if you lose your rag that it’s only going to make him dig his heels in deeper.
maybe say some like. this is the last time I’m going to bring it up dad, I am worried about your health, I’m only telling you because I care and I am absolutely not blaming you but it’s up to you and I respect your choice.

this way you know you’ve done everything you can while respecting him as an adult with autonomy.

more pressing for me would be informing my siblings who he also fathered. I assume they would also be at risk genetically speaking?

it’s likely from his reaction he won’t tell them himself.

You've done what you can

He's 80. What difference will it make to him now?
If he's anything like my father he'll avoid all treatment anyway