After our two-year anniversary in November, I took a positive pregnancy test. Despite shock, I felt happy about it. My partner confessed he'd recently realised he didn't want children after all. He feared it would change our relationship, our careers, everything. I own an apartment, while he lived with his family to save for a house. I've a stable career so I offered to go it alone.
I attended counselling sessions, public and private. Therapists warned me about "future faking" behaviours and advised me to trust my instincts, he took offence, refusing to be lumped in with other men. He continued telling me of our blissful future together. I don't know why but I booked the appointment, thinking he'd change his mind.
That morning I said I couldn't go through with it. He wailed, lashed out punching pillows, saying he would hate me for ruining his life. I don't know why I went through with it so please don't judge. I won't go into detail but taking the pills did not go well for me. We ended up having to ring the helpline who told us to call an ambulance. I really don't want to scare anyone reading this as I was just very unlucky. The midwife was horrible to me and told me I had wasted an ambulance.
My partner was kind at first but I was not myself. He left me six weeks later, after Christmas with his family. He lost patience with how upset I was in those weeks and kept saying we did the right thing. I've had multiple doctor appointments since this. I had womens health issues prior so this increased my risk of complications. It's been lonely, costly and I've missed a lot of work (unpaid time).
In February he apologised and wanted to get back together. We arranged to meet for dinner but he changed his mind, saying he was scared. He said he would pay towards my appointments and loss of income but I haven't heard from him since. I have also since started antidepressants to try help but I feel such bitterness that he is living life, moved on from everything, has no repercussions or financial costs. I know bitterness gets us nowhere in life but I just want to burst with rage towards him
Thanks if you read this far