DP and moods after pregnancy

[Qualitystreetwrapper]

I gave birth 3 weeks ago, I love my baby and already feel super protective over her to the extent where watching other people with her makes me jealous! Since I had her my moods have been very up and down, the birth didn’t go as I wanted and it’s taking me a while to recover. DD is fine but there were some concerns about her health at the end of the pregnancy too which meant the last few weeks were really stressful with not much sleep and being in hospital.

I thought moods being up and down was normal but I’m not sure? My partner is helping practically and at first was sympathetic but now I think he’s run out of patience, he says he hates me being moody and has just stopped asking how I am. I’m doing my best with DD but she is my first and sometimes DP is quite critical, he has another child but has told me off for things like DDs nappy leaking or making a bottle too cold which just make me feel like a crap mum and my mood even worse.

AIBU to still be feeling like my mood is all over the place? Am I a crap mum? I don’t know how to tell my DP he’s making me feel worse without causing an argument.

You are not a crap mum. Yes your moods will still be all over the place - your body isn't going to be back to normal yet, of course your mind isn't! It's a massive change, you have hormones still settling down etc.

Nappies leak (try a different brand, different nappies fit different babies), a slightly cold bottle isn't going to be an issue, and feeling protective is completely normal - up until 3 weeks ago, your baby was inside you - as protected as she could be - she's a vulnerable part of you out in the world now, it's completely understandable to feel as you do!

Talk to you HV if you can. You're doing fine, it's overwhelming those first few months.

Jesus Christ. At three weeks post partum with my first I was psychotic, having had a complete postnatal breakdown, which was initially dismissed by the nurses as 'just the baby blues' because they were so used to women sobbing uncontrollably and being so frightened of being a bad mum that they hardly dared touch their baby.

Women are intensely vulnerable in the weeks and months after giving birth. Your hormones are huge right now. It is completely normal and you need support, not to be dismissed as 'moody'. Tell your partner to get off his arse and help, and not to say as much as a word of criticism for at least six months.

That is reassuring to know. We had covered baby blues at some of our antenatal classes but they sounded like it was a 1 - 2 day thing, it’s so hard to explain that nothing in particular is wrong I just go from feeling happy to sad for no reason!

God when my baby was three weeks old I had never detested my partner more (despite him being amazing in every single way with both me and little one!) but sleep deprivation, hormones and stress can do crazy things to you so all in all I think you're handling it pretty well!

I found the first 6 weeks horrendous, I cried constantly, I hated being alone, I was terrified of killing my baby (through neglect not on purpose!). I literally one night made a decision to hand her back as I couldnt cope.

DH and I ended up in marriage counselling when baby was 5 months old!!

It was a crazy time. Subsequent babies were a totally different experience, DH and I are still married 16 years later.
Go easy on yourself x

3 weeks! Totally normal but keep an eye on yourself and if you feel like you need help please speak to your GP - postnatal depression is real and mine manifested as being over protective with my daughter and isolating myself (so what I'm saying is everyone presents differently - it's not all crying and wanting to harm yourself etc- being moody can be a part of it) but hormones are wild at this stage so give yourself a break and tell your partner to shut the fuck up and step up! If he's done this before then he has no excuse to be shit this time - if he notices a leaky nappy he can bloody change it not tell you off for it.

His body hasn’t been through pregnancy and birth, and now breast feeding. He hasn’t got hormones racing through his body, making him feel entirely lost etc

Who is he who hasn’t been affected physically by pregnancy and birth at all to question the fact that your moods might vary?

Ive always thought it would be wonderful to bring a baby home and feel sane and well when doing so! What a luxury. For your tiredness to only start with the sleepless night.

You're not a bad mum - nappies leak, milk temp slightly too cold - seriously, those things are 100% part of life. If that's the worst, you're acing it!!!

Being a new parent can be for Dads too but, honestly, it sounds like he's being a bit of a d1ck.

Nappies definitely leak. My ds was nor.ally in terry nappies but for says out etc it took us several weeks to get the best fit ones.
As for cold milk, when my son was born, and you got 3 days in hospital to recover, babies were often 'topped up' with a small bottle of formula which was chilled, not warmed at all.
He's being an arse. You've carried a baby for 9 months, had the trauma of giving birth and the hormones you have circulating are still there. You are NOT going to be feeling OK after 3 weeks.
He may have another child but I notice obviously not with the mother! I wonder why?!!

Okay so, it's totally normal. But keep an eye on it. Also it might be that he's not being critical he might be giving you advice - honestly advice can feel like criticism at the best of times but when your PP out can feel even worse.
Again where you say you think he's run out of patience with you because he hates seeing you this moody - that might not be what he means; it could be that he can see you're struggling and hates seeing you like that because he knows there's nothing he can do to make it better.
If I was you I'd be speaking to my GP or health visitor ASAP.
Best wishes OP x

I'd put money on it that if you had a chat with the mother of his older child, this won't be the first time he's been a dickhead to a woman who's just given birth 🙄

With a first baby you barely know which way is up by week three! You’re doing great. Also if your baby drinks cold milk this is actually handy as you don’t need to find somewhere to warm it when you go out🤷🏻‍♀️…. Mine all preferred it cold and it was soooo much easier! Also nappies leak sometimes whether you’re on your first or tenth baby, however well you have put them on….tell him to stop being an arse.